What kind of fucking "father"

[Fluggers]

Sorry for the rant

My (thankfully) ex DH lives in a different country. An hour flight, serves in the military..

Wee DS age 4 is a fashion accessory to him. He refuses to pay for him, doesn't text to ask about him..

ExDH occasionally stops by to see him for an hour to get a selfie for social media

He comes home to our country on average once a month, but since getting a new girlfriend has been home every single weekend for the last six weeks

Not once has he seen the child

Fuck my heart is aching for my baby. The rejection. ExDH doesn't even know which primary school he's been enrolled in 🤷🏽‍♀️ just doesn't care, doesn't care enough to ask. If I try to involve him I just get told to fuck off

I am sobbing tonight for my wee son. He has a wonderful male role model in my DP and is fully included with his own children; fuck sake he was sick recently and my DP landed over with magazines and sweeties

Not even a text from that other one

Sorry for the mindless ranting 🙁 I can't make his dad be a gooden, but I'm so afraid of the issues my child might have in the future 🙁

As the others say. Don't let him into your house. Get the child support sorted and be thankful every day that he's out of your child's life. The very worst thing would be more contact.

Agree with other pp’s.. change your locks, report any harassment to the police, and contact the cms. I totally get that emotionally it’s tough, and understand how bad you feel, but your son is surrounded by people who love him, so won’t miss something he never had in terms of his “d”f.

How is he getting in your house? Lock the door or even better ring the police?!

Some men are like this - rest assured as DS grows up he will realise what a twat his father really is; and who provided for him, who was there in the anaesthesia room, who was there when he cut his knee. Personal experience.

Any man can be a father - it takes a special one to be a dad.

Waste of energy sobbing
Just make sure it isnt an issue and your d's has enough love with you and dp
He doesn't need his bio dad if bio dad isn't interested.
Get the money thru cms and stop wasting tears.

If he's in the British military they will enforce child maintenance, they are very strict about it (historically all military's had issues with babies born to women met on deployment so it's a sensitive issue). I don't understand how he can come into your house uninvited, don't you lock the door?

Hi

Okay he literally walks in. If I'm in my living room he'll just push the handle and walk in

I don't keep my door locked all the time when I'm at home

He might walk through once a month, could be early on a Saturday or on a Tuesday evening

I'll start locking the door 🤷🏽‍♀️ I guess that sorts that

I've been on to child maintenance today and they're opening a case

I'm more concerned about the emotional effect this is gonna have on my son 🙁 that man just cannot see how amazing the little darling is

Side note - does everyone always keep their door locked, even if they're in? I've never done this, nor has anyone else I've known 🤷🏽‍♀️

I don’t usually keep my door locked during the day. But then I don’t have threatening ex partners turn up on a regular basis. In your situation I’d keep the doors locked and not let him in

My door is always locked, even if I’m home.
Dd was an escape artist as a toddler and the habit of locking exterior doors has just stuck I guess!

Side note - does everyone always keep their door locked, even if they're in? I've never done this, nor has anyone else I've known

Depends where you live. Around here you'd not have a car or handbag for long if you didn't.

My front door locks itself when it closes and you can only get in with a key. The back door is unlocked when I'm at home, but I don't have side access for anyone to access it. If I had an abusive ex like you then the back door would be locked too. No way would I have an ex just walking in when he felt like it.

My door needs a key to get in through it!

My front doors always locked, so is the back.

I don’t usually keep my door locked during the day. But then I don’t have threatening ex partners turn up on a regular basis.

This

You can get your lock changes so it autolocks? I live in a rough area and mine is like this. Locked from the outside every time it closes so you always need a key to get in

If I had an ex that threatened me or my partner and thought he could waltz in whenever he felt like it, I'd keep my door locked at all times, with the chain on.

Glad to hear you've put a claim in for maintenance too. Do not let this man control your life any longer.

Side note - does everyone always keep their door locked, even if they're in?

Yes. And I sure as hell would if there was some eejit making it a regular occurrence to just walk in.

I get it; it’s heartbreaking. But I’ve realised over the years that crying doesn’t help my kids, action does. As others have said, lock the doors. It’s no good for your DS to never know when his dad could walk through the door. He needs to let you know in advance of visits so you can prepare him, poor thing.

Keep chasing the maintenance so that you can use it for your DS.

Don’t explain his actions to your DS; as he gets older and he asks where he is just say you don’t know why he acts like he does, but you love him and will always be there no matter what.

Ring CMS. His bosses won’t like that he’s not paying child support.

My door has a Yale lock so it's always clicked shut. I'd hate to be upstairs and have the door unlocked downstairs.

Side note - does everyone always keep their door locked, even if they're in? I've never done this, nor has anyone else I've known 🤷🏽‍♀️

Yes! Otherwise who knows what randoms will just walk in?

And yes mine is always locked. Yale lock and chain and two bolts. Abusive ex. He doesn’t know where I am but old habits die hard.

I never leave my doors unlocked, a neighbour of mine she was upstairs in the shower husband had gone to work kids to school. She was coming down the stairs and there a strange man standing in her hall the keys to her 2 week old Volvo in his hands. He ran out and she ran screaming into the street the car was off up the road. After checking inside as she waited for police to turn up she discovered the money that she was going to take to the bank that morning £750 had gone he'd also got bank statements and cards. Still trying to get insurance sorted luckily they found the car abandoned in the next town. She regrets leaving the door unlocked as it could have been worse for her so lock your doors as there opportunities for criminals and you ex needs rules when it comes to visiting your home

You have had good advice, but just to say, please lock your doors. I used to leave mine unlocked until one day I was happily sat on the sofa watching a film, glanced to the door and saw a strange man standing there watching me. I screamed the house down and luckily he left but he might not have. My friend also had her handbag and car stolen while she was in the kitchen - someone walked into the house and grabbed her keys and bag from the hall