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Original poster

Anyone else got a share-er partner?

94 replies

PregnantOnPurpose · 29/05/2019 14:43

To get straight to the point.

If we go out for food, he has to have some of what I order. If i order a side he wants to share it. Sometimes if i want a side he doesnt like he will mope about how he cant have some and will have to order a separate side.

If I buy a milkshake or a drink, and ask him if he wants one.. the response j get every single bastard time is "I'll just have some of yours" no, you fucking wont! If you want one get one, I'm paying, justvget one. I dont want to share my milkshake with you, something about sharing a straw really makes my stomach churn anyway.

It's got the point where when I cook dinner in the evenings and ask him to get me a drink when we sit down, he'll either get one drink and just drink mine. Or if I ask if he also wants a drink when I'm getting one he'll again say "I'll just have some of yours"

It drives me absolutely insane. Anyone else have someone like this?!

OP posts:
Ninkaninus · 29/05/2019 15:59

Yes but that’s what respect of boundaries means. If she doesn’t want to give away half her food she shouldn’t need to. And he certainly shouldn’t operate under the misguided notion that he’s entitled to her food or drink just because. If he wants a drink or a particular dish he can have one that’s all his own instead of claiming half of hers.

Fatted · 29/05/2019 16:05

What if you don't have anything? What will he do then? Go without or have his own?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 29/05/2019 16:10

I hate hate hate sharing drinks! I mean, if we were in the Sahara and I had the only bottle of water, then I'd share. But get your bloody own!

Also, with sides- if I offer then it's ok but don't assume its yours too.

GroggyLegs · 29/05/2019 16:15

I like sharing.

But get your own glass of squash mate, ffs.

Pinotjo · 29/05/2019 16:21

Mine does this, tries to order for me so he gets his 2nd choice of meal, dibs in to mine with no regard, he'll quite happily eat the "best bits" off my plate leaving me with the veg or salad, greedy fucker.

CherryPlum · 29/05/2019 16:28

My DP is a share-er, it's really really really annoying. I hate it when he's silently eyeing up my food, I can't enjoy what I'm eating.

I'm convinced he learnt it from MIL who always puts men first, I bet she used to give him half her food when he was little and he got used to it, it became habit and 'normal'.

Original poster
PregnantOnPurpose · 29/05/2019 16:31

It's such an unattractive trait!

I love my DP, I just dont want to give him my food. Sure he can have a little bit if he wants to try it. And if I'm full up and have some letters hes more than welcome to finish my plate. But for the love of god, boy. Dont just assume I'm going to give you half of my plate and order something that we both like just so we can share.. if I want seafood paella that's what I'm bloody well having instead of spagbol you boring old turd.

Feels so good to get it off my chest. GrinWink

OP posts:
Happynow001 · 29/05/2019 16:40

if I want seafood paella that's what I'm bloody well having instead of spagbol you boring old turd.

Feels so good to get it off my chest.
🤣🤣🤣

Ticklingcheese · 29/05/2019 16:49

Please find the most provocative way of taking his food, when he is taken aback set him straight 😁. If he wants a taste, he can have ONE spoon/fork full, that's it.

Also arm yourself with a ruler and guard your food.

Shoxfordian · 29/05/2019 16:50

It sounds like he's trying to bully you into giving up your food and drinks.

3 meals a day for the rest of your life like this op...

magicBrenda · 29/05/2019 16:52

My adult daughter does this Angry

TheVanguardSix · 29/05/2019 16:54

I don't know what it is, I cannot abide a sharer. And I can't stand when people order a dish and then, say, I too fancy the same or a similar dish, they'll suggest I get something totally different- something I don't really want- so that 'we can share' each other's plates.

Joey doesn't share! Grin

It's weird because DH and I will take a swig out of each other's glass or mug, try a bite of his steak for my lamb, but that is it and often, we don't even go that far. But yeah, OP. I am with you all the way. I couldn't handle that. It's a me thing, I know. But I just don't do sharers.

Original poster
PregnantOnPurpose · 29/05/2019 16:56

Were going out for dinner with my mum and her husband tonight..

I know have the strong urge to try some, if not all of the above suggestions. I think he would be really embarrassed to have a refusal of food infront of my parents lol.

OP posts:
Myimaginarycathasfleas · 29/05/2019 17:05

Sharers = takers. Please take note, we nonsharers are thinking dark thoughts every time you snaffle something off our plates. Also, calories off our plates are still calories. You know who you are Grin

Fromage · 29/05/2019 17:11

I would:

order 2 of the same (my) starter
ditto drinks
ask him what he's having for a main and say you'll have that too
order 2 of the same dessert

But then what I would also have done by now is go all Tribbiani on his ass and now I'd be single. And NOT SHARING MY FOOD. #winning

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/05/2019 17:11

See DH does it right. I finish and say, 'I'm done, would you like my chips?'. He says 'oh I couldn't' I say, 'I'm not going to eat them' he says 'well if you're absolutely sure'.

That's sharing. What yours does is taking. Not the same.

LuluBellaBlue · 29/05/2019 17:15

I’m a sharer but this would peeve me off too, there’s a good balance and he’s waaaay over the line!

RedDogsBeg · 29/05/2019 17:18

Tell him you won't put up with behaviour any more PregnantOnPurpose. You will NOT be sharing food or drink, you will choose what you want, he is not to ask, assume sharing or help himself to any of yours as you would rather he didn't embarrass himself in front of your mum and her husband.

Sharing is fine if it is agreed beforehand and both parties are happy about it, we often ask "Shall we share x or would you rather have your own/something different?". Offering someone a taste of something, again fine expecting to share and taste or just helping yourself is not.

I think a lot of people who do this share grab do it because they can't abide someone else having something they don't, it is selfish, spoilt child syndrome.

Pinotjo why on earth do you put up with that? I'd tip the food over him or onto his plate as soon as it arrived if he did that to me and yes he is a greedy fucker, how unattractive.

Fromage · 29/05/2019 17:18

Sharing is about offering what's yours, not taking what's not.

Fromage · 29/05/2019 17:20

Also, POP, next time you eat out with him, when it comes to the bill, if you're splitting it, take some cash out of his wallet and say "I'll just pay with some of yours."

DeRigueurMortis · 29/05/2019 17:29

Also, POP, next time you eat out with him, when it comes to the bill, if you're splitting it, take some cash out of his wallet and say "I'll just pay with some of yours."

GrinGrinGrin

FinallyHere · 29/05/2019 17:38

I like to try different tastes so am happy to share, by which I mean either offering a small taste of my food and expecting a small taste in return or eating half each of two different meals. Being careful to not eat more than half.

What you describe is taking, where he eats his own and some of yours and does not return the favour.

This is definitely dominance behaviour, conscious or unconscious. Nip it in the bud

As for sharing a glass of squash, just no.

MitziK · 29/05/2019 17:45

Does he have some form of eating disorder where calories don't count if they come from your plate?

I'd refuse to eat with him. Seriously.

Even my DTwatCats comprehend the notion of I'm Not Fucking Sharing With You. Even with one another although that occasionally means the Fluffy TC giving the Stripey TC a quick slap across the face.

Shoxfordian · 29/05/2019 18:16

My husband and I share but we have half each of our meals then swap or just taste each others. Sharing has to be a two way street though.

WMPAGL · 29/05/2019 18:18

"Sharing is about offering what's yours, not taking what's not"

What a blooming brilliant phrase! And hilarious thread.

OP, this would drive me up the wall too and would get very short shrift from me.

My DH is an absolute sweetheart and will often order one of the two dishes I'm deciding between so that I can try both (because he has easygoing tastes and knows that food is one of my great pleasures!) but I would never dream of asking for or expecting it!

The passive-aggressiveness of sulking and "don't worry about it" if offered his own instead, honestly... Don't worry about it and let him go without - he'll soon learn to put up with it or accept your gracious offer to get him one for himself!