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Original poster

AIBU to want to name my own child

84 replies

Sugarspiceandeverythingnice · 28/05/2019 18:45

So just had baby no.3, a girl after 2 boys. I never named my boys my in laws always did, however i liked the first name and was happy to keep it. i wasnt so happy with the 2nd but have obviously grown to like it and couldnt imagine him being called anything else now.
My daughter however is the one name id like to keep. Im happy to listen to other peoples opinions and options. Before she was born we had chosen a name which we both really like and still do however MIL doesnt like it and now because her opinion is valued most in DHs eyes we cannot name her that. im upset about it because i went through a difficult long labour with her and generally had a tiring pregnancy with 2 other small kids.

AIBU to say something or should i just let them all choose and keep the peace.

OP posts:
MacavityTheDentistsCat · 28/05/2019 21:38

Assert yourself: I didn't and I regret it to this day. (And DD is now nearly 14!)

cuppycakey · 28/05/2019 21:40

Fuck that shit!

Tell DH you will think about it and then quietly go and register the baby as the name you wanted.

Is this the tip of the iceberg? Are they controlling in other ways? Clearly a DH problem either way.

Morgan12 · 28/05/2019 21:43

So have you let them name her then?

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Families
NannyRed · 28/05/2019 21:44

Weird!

An actual adult asking if she can name her own child!

It’s embarrassing and frankly pathetic.

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 28/05/2019 21:46

My MIL hated the name we (Or should I say I) picked for DD2 because she hated an auntie she'd had with the same but shortened name (think Aunt Lizzy vs DD Elizabeth) The aunt was long dead and my DH hadn't even met her.

DD2 is of course named "Elizabeth" because she is my child and not MIL's. Turns out, DD is nothing like MIL's old aunt and MIL doesn't associate the two at all now.

OP, name your child the name YOU choose. Your DH and MIL had all the day in your first two.

Dippypippy1980 · 28/05/2019 21:51

Your in laws sound dreadful and controlling.

I am sure there are many many more examples of them interfering in your life.

Why on earth do you tolerate this?

Original poster
Sugarspiceandeverythingnice · 28/05/2019 22:01

PFB2 i an 28 now and was 22 when i got married so yes i was very naive at the start and did give in alot. have learnt to be more assertive over the years and try to pick my battles and i think this will have to be one of them. i will discuss with DH tonight as we have until Friday to decide.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 28/05/2019 22:03

I would register her myself

Do they tell you to do other things?

sarahC40 · 28/05/2019 22:12

My mil announced to my dh that she ‘hated’ the name we had picked - welsh roots apparently offended. He returned home and said, ‘we are definitely fucking calling him (that name)’. This is what your dh should be doing.

Soola · 28/05/2019 22:23

My mother in law (at the time) wanted us to call our baby(s) Astrud if they were a girl after Astrud Gilberto the Brazilian singer despite no one on either side of the family having any Brazilian connection and Gregory for a boy as she had a major crush on Gregory Peck the actor.

I just said no, that’s not what I had in mind.

Cherrysoup · 28/05/2019 22:26

The MIL sounds like a complete cult

Pmsl!

Op, time to assert yourself. I bet her mil didn’t get to choose names. You just quietly but very fucking firmly tell your dh that this is your child, not hers.

carly2803 · 28/05/2019 22:44

you have until fridy to decide?

no you have until friday to get a backbone!!

Letting anyone except you and your parners name you DC's is rediculous - sorry but get a grip for your child's sake or you wil have a lifetime of controlling MIL's behaviour and your DH too

Eistigi · 28/05/2019 22:48

i just hate arguing especially with his family and tbh i dont have the strength for it atm

You HAVE to gain the strength for this, even if it's hard. This is Your Daughter! Your precious little girl. You get to decide her name, along with your husband. This is absolutely NOT at the discretion of your inlaws - do not give in.
I can't believe you let them name your first two children, but what's done there is done.
Please don't let them do this to you again, name your child a name that you love & that you give to her. If your DH won't support you in this, I think you need to give him an ultimatum - Support you or Leave.

user1486131602 · 28/05/2019 22:49

Let them choose a middle name this time.

SomeoneYouLove · 28/05/2019 22:51

What is this shite?

Fucking run from these weirdos and don’t look back.

anonforthespies43267 · 28/05/2019 22:59

Why did you even let her name the first 2? And I agree, your DH sounds like a dick if mummy’s opinion is more important than yours.

It’s YOUR baby. X

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 28/05/2019 23:02

Q

Hadenoughofitall441 · 28/05/2019 23:10

Jesus. I wouldn’t have even given the option for them to name my kids... I carried them for 9 months so I got final say. DS name was picked out by me as was a very unique name I kind of made when I was 15 and for dd I gave DP a list of my faves and he chose from that, tbh he didn’t even care he was just happy to be a dad. My Nan didn’t like DS name and made sure she told me, I told her I didn’t care as it wasn’t her choice so she had to just crack on... she got used to it in the end.

SamanthaJayne4 · 28/05/2019 23:11

If you can't fight them OP you can call your DD a name you like and she can change her name by deed poll if she wants when she is older. Many people are known by a different name if they don't like their given names. I realise it isn't ideal but it is an idea at least. And they can't stop you.

KatherineJaneway · 29/05/2019 06:48

i just hate arguing especially with his family and tbh i dont have the strength for it atm.

That's what they are banking on.

LookImAHooman · 29/05/2019 06:55

Let them choose a middle name this time.

The fuck?! No!

PunishmentSnart · 29/05/2019 07:45

Eh? Is it their culture, yours or both?

This is nuts!

PFB2 · 29/05/2019 07:52

OP you sound very much like me. I was married at 22 and am a little older than you now. I can honestly say my biggest regret is not being firmer on the things that were most important to me. Trust me, this is one where you must be assertive. You really must put your foot down. Be prepared for lots of backlash but don't sway. I did this a few times in a row and honestly, they stopped trying to control me so much. You can do this too. But you need to stand your ground.

poopypants · 29/05/2019 08:12

As with so many cases, your problem is not with your ILs. It's with your Dh.

magicBrenda · 29/05/2019 08:15

What a bunch of bastards. Sorry your stuck in this family Flowers