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Original poster

AIBU to want to name my own child

84 replies

Sugarspiceandeverythingnice · 28/05/2019 18:45

So just had baby no.3, a girl after 2 boys. I never named my boys my in laws always did, however i liked the first name and was happy to keep it. i wasnt so happy with the 2nd but have obviously grown to like it and couldnt imagine him being called anything else now.
My daughter however is the one name id like to keep. Im happy to listen to other peoples opinions and options. Before she was born we had chosen a name which we both really like and still do however MIL doesnt like it and now because her opinion is valued most in DHs eyes we cannot name her that. im upset about it because i went through a difficult long labour with her and generally had a tiring pregnancy with 2 other small kids.

AIBU to say something or should i just let them all choose and keep the peace.

OP posts:
PotteryLady · 28/05/2019 19:50

No! No! No! You choose.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/05/2019 19:50

Well they don’t. Tell them to fuck off.

Congratulations on your new baby, don’t let anyone spoil this happy time!

NoSauce · 28/05/2019 19:51

How on earth did your MIL get to choose your children’s names?

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Yubaba · 28/05/2019 19:53

I would just register her with the name I liked, it’s a done deal then.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/05/2019 19:58

i just hate arguing especially with his family and tbh i dont have the strength for it atm.

Who said anything about having an argument? Tell them you will not even have a DISCUSSION about naming your baby. This topic is not up for discussion. Op, you really have to take control of your own life. This is fucking ridiculous and their control of you will never stop if you don't put an end to it. You're not a child, ffs.

BrendasUmbrella · 28/05/2019 20:01

Just tell them straight, you didn't get to choose your first two baby's names, you are going to choose this one. And any others!

lucymegan · 28/05/2019 20:05

I didn't get to choose my eldest two kids names (names had to be after the grandparents) hated the names and refused to call them by their names for the first year. I made up a name for dc3 when he left me stranded with two toddlers and 7 months pregnant. Fuck him op tell him your choosing this end of.

NakedBrainStrollingInManhatten · 28/05/2019 20:15

Can't you just make an appointment to register her and not tell the in laws, register her with the name you like and then when they go on about any other name just go "oh she was registered last last week so her name will be staying as Sarah (or whatever the name is)"

Alternatively I do find the phrase "fuck off, she's my child" to be fairly difficult to argue with.

MimiSunshine · 28/05/2019 20:26

they have an importance in decisions such as these.

Bit OP, they clearly do as youve let it slide for the first two children even though you didn’t like one of the names.
Why would they not think they get to name the third?

However it’s clearly time to put your foot down. The name is the one you chose with her dad.
If he says he’s changed his mind then tell him you don’t believe him but either way it’s settled now and that’s final.

These are the only circumstances I’d ever say to override a child’s dad when naming them as he’s clearly just doing the in-laws biding

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 28/05/2019 20:28

With all due respect op, now is the time to grow a backbone. Start with dh. Calmly, keep saying-"xxxx is the baby's name. We chose it. That's his name. No, he is not being called yyyy, YOU tell mil to fuck off we are calling him xxxx." If he says anything different, you remind him that YOU are his wife and if he puts his mother's views over yours, well you may have to do some thinking about everything. Don't even engage with his mother. He does. Don't let them walk over you any longer op.

NameChangeNugget · 28/05/2019 20:33

Are you part of a cult?

The MIL sounds like a complete cult

IsAStormApporaching · 28/05/2019 20:34

Go and register you dd by yourself with the name you want.
You and dh chose a name you both love until someone poked their nose in. You are entitled to pick the name of our own child.
They have already chose 2.

I was forced to give my child a name we did not like and it was a big regret.
6 months on we had to change his name as dp and i hated it. It was a big hassle and my ds's birth certificate will always have the wrong name on it.

Parker231 · 28/05/2019 20:37

It doesn’t need to be an argument - just tell them , not ask them, that DD’s name is going to be xxxxx. It doesn’t need to a discussion. Avoid seeing them until you have registered her name. Ignore DH, he sounds a waste of space.

HJWT · 28/05/2019 20:59

@Sugarspiceandeverythingnice find a name you LOVE or otherwise register her on your own. This isn't his MOTHERS child she is YOURS!

ChipInTheSugar · 28/05/2019 21:03

Be careful he doesn't go and register her on his own!

Likethebattle · 28/05/2019 21:07

Dig your heels in, your baby your name choice. Tell DH to get his face out of Mils arse, grow up and be a proper husband and father. What else do they dictate?

kayakingmum · 28/05/2019 21:07

If he really dislike the name now choose another with him.
Once the two of you find a name you like register before you tell anyone.

Smelborp · 28/05/2019 21:14

How did this ever come about OP? Did your family have an opinion on it or did they think you picked the names?

stucknoue · 28/05/2019 21:16

You have 6 weeks to register her name, don't rush it, but ignore mil!

yermawyabas · 28/05/2019 21:22

Tell them to bolt op.

Awrite · 28/05/2019 21:26

Well, you either assert yourself or you live with regret and resentment forevermore. You choose.

PFB2 · 28/05/2019 21:29

I haven't read the full thread as I've not got much time just now but OP, how old are you? I was young-ish when I had my first and was backed into a corner over so many things by so many people. I'm non confrontational by nature so struggled to deal with people who were trying to dictate things to me. Let's just say I do now feel bitter for some of the things that I felt forced into and I have learned overtime that putting your foot down is so important. I only wish I'd learned to do it sooner. You need to assert yourself now or this will only get worse.

Rumboogie · 28/05/2019 21:30

Go and register the child's birth yourself (alone) and register the name of your choice. I think I am right in saying that the name can be changed up to a year afterwards, but not without your formal consent.

IloveJudgeJudy · 28/05/2019 21:32

So let me get this right. Your MIL got to name her DC and now she gets to name yours, too?

I did work with a man from an Indian/Muslim background whose mother did name his child. It was expected 😮

BoneyBackJefferson · 28/05/2019 21:36

I agree with Rumboogie

Go register the name yourself. Don't be pressured in to something that you don't want to do.