Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DD hates my BF will I have to choose?

65 replies

jackolantern74 · 25/05/2019 21:15

Been with BF for 2 years, he lives few miles away so we see each at weekends as I have DD& DS both mid teens. BF has x2 DS’s late teens both of us have houses and plan is once kids are over 18 sell houses and buy one together. Up until now all got on ok nothing major normal spats between us as blended families do.
Last month BF and DD has a row over something I thought was minor but both of them are seething about it and refusing to talk to each other. DD has since pulled a sickie one weekend and then complete melt down this weekend over something I thought was over a friendship with her bff- so I haven’t seen BF and she being this completely manliputive diva once I have found out both these instances were to stop me seeing BF.
She has just announced that she will never speak again or want to see him. Her Dad rarely has her apart from school holiday due to distance he lives so not practical for weekends & I have no family nearby who can look after her. BF has today tried to apologise to DD as can see how upset I am but she obvs refusing to listen to him. She is one stubborn girl and I have dread that I’m going to have to chose one or other of them. Any advice on handling this?!

OP posts:
WindowsSmindows · 25/05/2019 21:17

And how would you choose your boyfriend?
What would that look like?
Kick her out??

You wouldn't just give it a few weeks and keep trying to talk to her no??

Original poster
jackolantern74 · 25/05/2019 21:20

It’s Hard to see him without her and DS with us as it’s one weekend at his or at mine. I’m not meaning kicking her out lol but it has taken me a long time after ex hub to meet someone I love and trust.

OP posts:
fussygalore118 · 25/05/2019 21:21

Hmm what was the disagreement over?
Is she normally stubborn? Why wont she accept his apology??

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
wowfudge · 25/05/2019 21:21

What is it that they have fallen out about?

PerfectPeony2 · 25/05/2019 21:21

How old is your daughter and what was the argument about?

DramaRamaLlama · 25/05/2019 21:22

How old is your DD and what did they row about?

The fact that you describe a grown man as "seething" over something that happened weeks ago is a huge red flag

Original poster
jackolantern74 · 25/05/2019 21:24

She’s 15 and over something to do with animal testing (random I know!) and yes she is v v stubborn- always has been

OP posts:
JustLooking2019 · 25/05/2019 21:25

How old is mid teen?

Persimmonn · 25/05/2019 21:27

He’s an adult. When my dh tells one of our kids off, he’s forgotten about it within minutes. What kind of adult man “seethes” after having an argument with a child?

You really want to choose one or the other? Ridiculous. It would always be my child first no matter what.

justwonderingtbh · 25/05/2019 21:28

As if you're talking about "choosing over" your weekend boyfriend and your daughter. Says a lot about you.

C0untDucku1a · 25/05/2019 21:30

Stop minimising the argument. What was the disagreement? Teens are very absolute in their thinking. It is either right or wrong. Not exceptions.

tequilamockingbiird · 25/05/2019 21:30

I don’t think I’d want to be with an adult man who is seething, and refusing to talk to my teenage daughter. She’s a child, you expect that kind of behaviour from children, not adults.

PerfectPeony2 · 25/05/2019 21:31

Choose your daughter and don’t live with him/ combine finances. Sounds like a silly argument, she is 15! How on earth can he be seething over that? He’s a grown up.

I have been the daughter in a situation where my Mum chose her partner and let him treat me badly. I’ve never forgiven her for it and don’t see her much as a result.

twitterbird · 25/05/2019 21:31

FFS OP choose your child - I'm disgusted it's a choice (and I'm divorced)

boredboredboredboredbored · 25/05/2019 21:31

I could be you. My 2 dc are 14 & 15 and I have a dp of nearly 2 years, doesn't live with us either. At her age I wouldn't allow her to dictate to me. A disagreement between shouldn't derail an entire future. What was their relationship like prior to this?

PurpleDaisies · 25/05/2019 21:33

I wonder whether there more to this than this one argument.

anothernotherone · 25/05/2019 21:33

Why is your boyfriend behaving as though he were 15 himself? Seething over an argument about animal testing with a 15 year old! Is he seething because he didn't win? Because she stood up for herself? Because she has a strong opinion different to his?

Why do you say she's stubborn but not that he is?

Choose your daughter, obviously.

kenandbarbie · 25/05/2019 21:33

He's just your bf, she's your daughter at a tricky age. Should be no contest really. She might still need support over 18. Your plan sounds selfish.

Original poster
jackolantern74 · 25/05/2019 21:34

THey have had such a good relationship in the past which is why this is so strange!

OP posts:
feelingsinister · 25/05/2019 21:35

Whether your daughter is in the wrong or not, it will be a huge mistake if you choose this man over your child and she might never forgive you. That includes trying to pack her off for weekends so he can come and stay. Believe me I say this with bitter experience.

She's a child and he's an adult and he needs to act like one. That doesn't mean it's ok for her to act like a brat but somehow you're going to have to help them sort this out if you want the relationship to continue.

Lunde · 25/05/2019 21:36

I can understand a teenager but why is a grown man still "seething" over an argument weeks later? Does he have to be "right"? Is she not allowed her own views if they conflict with hers?

I seems really odd. I think you need to get to the bottom of why he can't be the adult in this situation instead of putting all the blame of your dd.

formerbabe · 25/05/2019 21:37

What's your boyfriend like? Is her dislike justified or is she just being a stroppy teenager? Is he a good guy or an arse? It is hard to know from your post. I normally think you should put your children first and men second, but if he's a genuinely good guy and she's being a madam, I don't think she should dictate whether you are in a relationship or not. If she's mid teens, she will be an adult soon and off doing her own thing.

It's hard to tell from your post though.

Lunde · 25/05/2019 21:38

*conflict with his views

BishopofBathandWells · 25/05/2019 21:38

I'm afraid it would be my DD, always, though I suspect that's not what you want to hear OP. If you can try and calmly discuss why she's so angry about the argument, perhaps, to see it from her perspective?

If it's something she's passionate about and he's on the opposing "side", if you will, perhaps she's distressed that someone she'd hitherto got on well with has disagreed with her?

thethoughtfox · 25/05/2019 21:44

I can't believe you don't know who you would choose.