Please help - 3year old DD

[user1471514421]

Evening everyone

I have been pushed to the pin of my collar this evening by my 3 year old daughter. Ended in tears.

My dh and I are finding our dd extremely challenging at the moment and am considering this evening exploring avenues as to how we may improve things. I am not for one minute suggesting this is something wrong with my dd, it may well be the way we are parenting also. However either my dh nor I can take anymore. We also have a 20 month old ds.

Dd just turned 3, is extremely sharp and intelligent, excellent speech, in sentences, toilet training by her 2nd birthday, has hit all milestones in advance. The downside is her rollercoaster of emotions, to the point I am walking on eggshells for fear i might set her off. From the moment she wakes and I mean the very first moment she will whine shout demand etc. She is a very good eater, but will demand her food a certain way, ie not cut up, or peas separate. If I do it wrong she will scream cry trash about on the floor push away the food, you get the picture. Her normally easy going brother has observed this behaviour and is beginning to make similar demands but will not when she is not there.

She fights with her brother, will not share, tells me to stop talking. But it is the constant whinging, crying and screaming that is getting me down. I am beginning to not enjoy my time with her. My dh is now refusing to go places as a family anymore due to the behaviour.

I feel as parents we provide a loving caring environment, our children do not witness aggressive behaviour or shouting etc. They are extremely well fed, looked after with plenty of attention exercise toys etc. I'm at a loss as to where we may be going wrong.

Please help, I feel I dont know what to do anymore and need some help. I adore my children, everything i do is for them. I need to learn and to make this better. I am so afraid that she may be unhappy, she must be unhappy to Express herself in this way all day and that breaks my heart

Goldmandra I would have agreed with you but have felt the pressure from people that I should have dd in playschool and she should be mixing and having friends!! I dont know what to do!

She is extremely clever, I know I am her man and am biased but even strangers comment! She is starting maths times tables and telling me 3 plus 1 is four!

I dont know what is right anymore, I want to find a balance without pushing her. The last few days behaviour has improved alot as I have implemented techniques. She tells me she will go to playschool if I stay with her

Her mam!

I think the best playmate for a 3 year old is another 3 year old (or class thereof). And if a child that age has trouble interacting with peers, that in itself tells you something, either about their developmental progress, or just a lack of exposure to other children.

Some social skills are best learned early, when the odd tantrum is still age appropriate!

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha my dd doesn't have difficulty interacting when I am there, or an adult she is familiar with e.g my mam however remove me from the situation and she will refuse to stay, becomes very distressed

A three year old can not learn to interact with other children if she is not exposed to them. Sure, a loving parent or childcare, whatever setting, will teach them but to practice they need to do it, ideally without their carers.

A playgroup with parent/carer in attendance often gives a different view, especially with a girl who is interlectual further than average. But if the emotional side is less developed they need to learn.

reluctantbrit

A playgroup with parent/carer in attendance often gives a different view, especially with a girl who is interlectual further than average. But if the emotional side is less developed they need to learn.

Can I ask what you mean by a different view here?

My sil is deaf and has no speech. Her child did as he was told. Its attitude. Who is in charge? Parenting classes.

A three year old can not learn to interact with other children if she is not exposed to them.

Children who don't attend group childcare settings are not by definition isolated from other children. Those social skills are learned from interacting with family, friends and all the other people they come across in everyday life.

Unless the OP is staying in the house alone with her DD all day every day, she will have adequate opportunities to learn to interact with others, of all ages.

Children do not need to be put in group childcare settings. It's fine if they are but they do not need it.

Children with spikey profiles, i.e. significantly ahead academically and behind socially/ emotionally, often do better in smaller groups which they find less overwhelming. Being with a parent who knows the child better and has more time to explain and support can help even more.

Until the OP understands the reason behind her DD's beahviour/distress, she cannot know that starting playgroup is the right thing to do.

Goldmandra

This -
Children with spikey profiles, i.e. significantly ahead academically and behind socially/ emotionally, often do better in smaller groups which they find less overwhelming. Being with a parent who knows the child better and has more time to explain and support can help even more.

Definitely this sounds like dd. Is very outgoing interacts well among people she knows however take her out of that and she doesn't want to engage. It appears fear of the unknown

Goldmandra the incident the first day at playschool, which she only told me last night, is what appears to have upset her. Do I just say these things happen?

I think you need to separate the question of whether to send her to pre-school from the other issues you have posted about.

It's a lot more likely that the behaviour you're struggling with will get worse if she starts pre-school than get better so try not to think of it as a solution.

If you can be with her for a decent settling-in period and you feel able to decide that it's not working at any point, it's not necessarily a bad thing to go ahead with it. If you do, be upbeat and reassuring about it and give it a try. However, don't expect them to be extending her academic skills. They will be focusing on using words like more and less to support the children's understanding of mathematical concepts, rather than doing addition and subtraction.

However, I think, in your shoes, I'd be focusing on keeping home consistent for a while and watching carefully to try and work out the triggers for the behaviour you're struggling with. Once you understand those, you can use that information to decide whether starting pre-school is likely to help or not.

Try not to worry about being seen to parent in ways that other people approve of. Do what you know works for you and your DCs for now. Follow your instincts too. They are there for very good reasons so it makes sense to listen to them.