How will I make this up to DP?

[Thisnamechanger]

I've screwed up, very badly.

Me and DP have been planning 6 months abroad for a loooong time, staring in November this year, and we've planning loads and been getting really excited about it. I've never been away except for weeks in Spain etc and we've not been able to do it for the past few years because my DM died.

Anyway, I've just re-read my employment contract and suddenly realized that one of the terms means something different to what I thought it meant.

...which means we now can't actually to go til Nov 2020.

Luckily we haven't lost any actual money on it because the flights and accommodation weren't finalised but we're both at the end of our tethers with our jobs and had made plans to visit people there and have my whole family out for Xmas etc. Was really really looking forward to it.

I'm totally gutted at how utterly bloody stupid I've been. DP says he's not angry but he's so disappointed.

Has anyone else fucked something really badly and their DP forgave them?? I feel like total shit

Why can’t you go?

It doesn’t sound like it’s totally your fault. I would be honest with your DP

Why can’t you go?

Can't afford it I basically thought the clause only meant that you don't get your commission bonus if you don't work the full year, but it actually means you only get it if you work the full year AND are still working and not on notice when the commission bonus is actually paid (which is 6 months after the financial years ends - our year ends end of June).

We're going to a specific place for specific weather (hobby) it'll be winter by the time I've worked my notice out.

I've totally fucked it I'm so bloody naive!

Oh oops yeah I’d be totally honest with your DP...

DP very much of the opinion I should sack off the £15k and do the trip anyway, and he'll pay for most of it.

Am so confused. I really, really want to do the trip but this is literally the only job I've ever had and probably ever will have where I'll get that sort of money in one go. Also I worked bloody hard for 5 years to get to the position I'm in.