Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Would it be terrible to take my toddler to a formal-ish lunch?

72 replies

Diorissimo1985 · 13/05/2019 20:08

...because I think it would Confused

DSIL and DBIL have organised a surprise birthday lunch for MIL's 60th at a very fancy London hotel. It's not private dining so I assume we will be in the main restaurant.

It will be MIL, all her children plus partners and our DD who will be 19 months (only grandchild).

I'm very nervous about it - DD will only tolerate being in a high chair for 10 mins while she eats and I think it will be a long celebratory lunch in swanky surroundings. I told DH I thought it might best if DD and me didn't go but he (and all his siblings) are insisting MIL will be very sad if her grandchild isn't there.

Am I being precious? I just imagine spending the whole meal away from the table with toddling DD or picking up food from the floor. Is it inappropriate to take her? Or should I just bite the bullet? Would appreciate opinions please!

OP posts:
MrsPear · 13/05/2019 20:10

In light of what you have said no I wouldn’t go. Do they even accept children?!

CarolsBiggestFan · 13/05/2019 20:10

Could you get a babysitter?

If not, Will your DH and in-laws take it in turns to get up and wander around with and amuse your DD or will it all be left to you?

Justmuddlingalong · 13/05/2019 20:12

Could your family watch her to allow you to go?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General relationships
katycb · 13/05/2019 20:12

We've done similar with our twins and it has been fine (ruby wedding dinner at a posh restruant and a formal afternoon tea) Take some toys etc and everyone will probably make a fuss of her!

GetOffTheFrog · 13/05/2019 20:13

Ugh it sounds like it will be painful for you. My first dc would have never tolerated a long lunch. But... your toddler will nap. Could you and dd eat elsewhere then bring her to the hotel when she naps. She might be able to join when everyone's on coffee and pud?

Ragwort · 13/05/2019 20:14

No I don’t you should but why not call whoever is organising it direct and have an honest chat with them? I am the same age and wouldn’t really want a toddler at a posh lunch out but it obviously depends if you can get childcare as I am sure MIL would want you to be there. Is there anyone you can leave your DD with?

Devondoggydaycare · 13/05/2019 20:15

Contact the hotel and ask them about their policy on small children in the restaurant. Could you take your DD to somewhere child friendly nearby and then make a guest appearance at the end of the meal when they're having coffee? It's not fair on other guests or you if you're trying to entertain your DD.

CountFosco · 13/05/2019 20:16

Take snacks, toys and books, your DH is right, your MIL will want the whole family there. If the restaurant is good you might not need the snacks but there's often a lot of waiting for food that small children struggle with so it's a good idea to be prepared. Might be worth phoning ahead to see what they do that would be suitable.

Original poster
Diorissimo1985 · 13/05/2019 20:17

Thanks, no there isn't anyone who I could leave DD with as we aren't local. To be fair DH would wander around with DD during the meal but I just feel it would be really disruptive to the mood (not to mention other diners)?

OP posts:
FireflyEden · 13/05/2019 20:18

Yes you are being precious Hmm

Lochroy · 13/05/2019 20:18

Which hotel? Some are fancy but accepting of kids at the right time and place and others are downright stuffy. some are heaving with tourists so anything goes! Lunch isn't as bad as dinner but I still think you might find it stressful if the responsibility falls to you

RussianSpamBot · 13/05/2019 20:19

Oof, 19 months was pretty peak pain in the arse age for mine. Ten minutes would've been an optimistic stillness estimate and then we'd have had to take it in turns following her while she ran round outside, assuming there would actually be somewhere to run around. We avoided this kind of thing as much as possible, for our own sake as much as for other diners.

The problem is, people will insist on having completely child unfriendly occasions and then getting upset if the kids aren't there. It sounds like none of them have DC and therefore perhaps don't understand how unsuitable the plan is for yours?

WineGummyBear · 13/05/2019 20:19

My idea of a nightmare.

For me the question is- all those people who want her there, will they take a shift with the toddler? If so I'd crack on. (With DP underwriting the commitment in case his family renege on their promises!)

Atalune · 13/05/2019 20:21

Sounds like a nightmare to be honest!

Can you suggest a smaller family afternoon tea at your home with the precious grandchild?

I wouldn’t take the child to the restaurant. I would hate it as a parent and wouldn’t like it much as a paying patron if I was seated near you. Costa coffee- bring it on the noisier the better. Fancy hotel with a costly meal-nope!

Mumof1andacat · 13/05/2019 20:22

A baby sitter or a childminder. Some take children as a one off. If not I would check with the hotel that they allow children and if there is a children's menu.

Hollowvictory · 13/05/2019 20:22

I'd go, and I have twins. There will be lots of adults to make a fuss 9f her, it doesn't matter if she doesn't want to be 8n high chair and sits on your knee for a bit. If she gets crotechety take for a walk. Take buggy so can nap. It will be fine. Ice seen plenty little ones in swanky hotels for lunch.

RussianSpamBot · 13/05/2019 20:25

See, neither of mine would have done any knee sitting for any period of time at that age. I agree that some kids that age are fine, I've seen it, but it's just whether you have one or not. OPs DD sounds like one who insists on going wandering!

BackwardsGoing · 13/05/2019 20:27

I would go and just expect to find it painful. But it's an event for your MIL so I'd just suck it up.

And for all those people saying "everyone will take turns to amuse the toddler", sometimes it doesn't always work like that. Toddlers know when they are being palmed off and start screeching for mum.

MadCatLadee · 13/05/2019 20:28

I wouldn't like it if I was at another table and there was a small child in the vicinity making loads of noise. Harvester: yes, posh restaurant: no.

GenevaMaybe · 13/05/2019 20:29

I had exactly this. I took my daughter with me but also hired a maternity nurse to walk the baby around Hyde park while we had our lunch. Saved the day.

Lenny1980 · 13/05/2019 20:32

iPad and headphones are your friend here.

TulipsTulipsTulips · 13/05/2019 20:32

You are not being precious. Taking a toddler is a terrible idea and you won’t enjoy it

Leyani · 13/05/2019 20:34

I’ve taken mine to things like that when he was little despite him being quite active and definitely not a sit quietly in the corner type. staff were lovely and welcoming and when it really got a bit much, I went for a wander outside. I’d chat to your MIL and ask what she prefers and if she’d like you all there, I’d go

Nettleskeins · 13/05/2019 20:37

I've been to a few occasions where one person (usually the mum) is spending the entire meal somewhere else, corridor, street, lobby, toilets. Just not at the table cos, toddler is by this point completely bored and wants to run around. Or go to sleep, which is the only other possibilty...buggy...and in a posh restaurant, not so easy to put a buggy in the room.

Some people regularily take their children out to eat, from early age, and some of those toddlers do manage to just sit happily in a buggy, mainly through being used to that sort of thing, and being handed round (again used to being handed round)

But if your child isn't...well, it is a nightmare. Presumably the people who are organising it, who dont have children of their own yet, will have no idea how 19 month olds operate.

Either you bring some kind person with you, who can take the toddler away for a buggy ride somewhere whilst you are eating, or you ring the restaurant up and ask whether people are there with small children, buggy accommodation etc. Or you just say no, not possible. What if your little one is ill that day and crying throughout. It is just torture to be in the situations with small children who arent enjoying themselves.

MustardScreams · 13/05/2019 20:38

If it’s a really nice restaurant then no you shouldn’t take a toddler. People are paying hundreds of pounds for a nice lunch, some of whom may have been saving everything the can for months just to eat there, and don’t deserve to have it ruined by a stressed family and an unhappy toddler.

Plan a special lunch or outing with grandma that is toddler friendly.

Swipe left for the next trending thread