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Original poster

Would it be terrible to take my toddler to a formal-ish lunch?

72 replies

Diorissimo1985 · 13/05/2019 20:08

...because I think it would

DSIL and DBIL have organised a surprise birthday lunch for MIL's 60th at a very fancy London hotel. It's not private dining so I assume we will be in the main restaurant.

It will be MIL, all her children plus partners and our DD who will be 19 months (only grandchild).

I'm very nervous about it - DD will only tolerate being in a high chair for 10 mins while she eats and I think it will be a long celebratory lunch in swanky surroundings. I told DH I thought it might best if DD and me didn't go but he (and all his siblings) are insisting MIL will be very sad if her grandchild isn't there.

Am I being precious? I just imagine spending the whole meal away from the table with toddling DD or picking up food from the floor. Is it inappropriate to take her? Or should I just bite the bullet? Would appreciate opinions please!

OP posts:

NataliaOsipova · 13/05/2019 21:25

Guest appearance over coffee must be the way to go if you’re worried about it. Everyone gets a civilised lunch, you don’t get the stress of looking after a toddler for hours....and everyone gets a concentrated slot to pay attention to the baby. Sounds like a winner for everyone concerned.

thebabessavedme · 13/05/2019 21:26

I have, and still would take a toddler to both those venues but only at lunch time, its lunch, I would expect to see families eating and socialising during the day, take a new toy, plan with dh who does what when and all will be fine, have a nice time!

and the more you do it, the more dc will get used to it and behave accordingly.

RussianSpamBot · 13/05/2019 21:26

Yeah that's not a bad idea. Don't attempt the full lunch though.

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LoveB · 13/05/2019 21:27

I'd definitely take my DD (same age!). Just take loads and loads of toys and colouring books and crayons and sticker books and snacks and books she likes.

Original poster

Diorissimo1985 · 13/05/2019 21:30

Yes joining for some of it might be a good compromise.
DD is not used to eating out at all sadly - we don't have the money for it usually

OP posts:

RussianSpamBot · 13/05/2019 21:34

Which won't help. Though saying that, for those who do take their kids out regularly and see their behaviour improve over time, I'm never sure how much is the DC getting more used to it and how much is them just maturing and would've happened anyway regardless. They all get there in the end.

Muddlingalongalone · 13/05/2019 21:36

Does she still nap? Could it be booked as a late lunch so that she can be asleep in a buggy??
Alternatively If you have someone (your family) to come with you, I'd have them on standby to take her down to jubilee gardens (or whatever it's called now, to let off some steam & let let the adults eat)

Jellybeansincognito · 13/05/2019 21:37

I’m probably unreasonable but I wouldn’t be willing to put my child on a plane for that (I have watched far too much air crash investigation however) and wouldn’t travel unless we were going to get an experience out of it.

None of what you’re doing is in your dds interests sadly.

It’s a shame you feel so much pressure to go when it’s not really appropriate.

MatchSetPoint · 13/05/2019 21:38

Oh god no! Definitely don’t go, you’ll end up in the street entertaining your child dashingly back in to quickly eat and try to keep your DD quiet it Will be hard work for a crap ten minute meal.

Also it wouldn’t be fair on other diners trying to enjoy their meal, I’d be so annoyed if I had a child free lunch to then be subjected to somebody else’s child after paying all that money, it’s not like going to the local Beafeater pub where you expect to see children

MatchSetPoint · 13/05/2019 21:39

Beefeater*

babypossum · 13/05/2019 21:39

I've been to The Savoy and it's not a loud restaurant; it's more quiet and reserved. There's also little room in between tables so there wouldn't be very much room for your DD to play with toys and she could also potentially get in the way of waiting staff if she was playing on the floor. I don't know about the Connaught but The Savoy would definitely be a no for me.

MoveOnTheCards · 13/05/2019 21:39

Nope. Not to either of those venues with a toddler (especially one not used to restaurants). They’re seriously upscale and your party and other diners will be spending a lot of money for a smart experience. A bored toddler is likely to disturb many people, not least you!

MoveOnTheCards · 13/05/2019 21:41

at all the suggestions of putting her in a buggy to sleep there too. Neither of these dining rooms will be a suitable place for a buggy!

takingthelongwayround · 13/05/2019 22:05

Okay - Connaught you have Hyde Park close by and for the Savoy there's the Embankment (which often has a play beach in the summer) plus a few bits of greenery. So good places to escape for DD to enjoy themselves/knacker them out for an appearance at restaurant when required.

Ragwort · 13/05/2019 22:14

No, seriously don’t do it, you will be on edge the whole time, you won’t enjoy it & it will be a huge waste of money (assuming you are all sharing the bill), the added costs of flights & accommodation will be expensive too. Send your DH on his own, he will have a lovely time & maybe invite your MIL to stay with you later in the year for a low key celebration.

I have had too many expensive, special meals out ruined by noisy, disruptive children. And I say that as a mother.
,

badg3r · 13/05/2019 22:57

Hmm. I really don't enjoy taking the kids out to restaurants but do when I have to and they have learned to get better at sitting still. It is a total pita though.

To be honest, if the hotel says they have toddlers in and it would mean a lot to MIL, I would just go, take loads of toys and accept you will spend a lot of time walking round looking at the enormous fancy flowers and concierges in fancy hats. Don't know the Connaught but outside and around the savoy there is plenty to see. As the only grandchild you also stand half a chance of having others offer to help.

Jaxhog · 13/05/2019 23:15

Quite honestly, if I was having lunch at the Savoy, I would NOT be happy to have a cranky (or worse) screaming toddler at the next table! I don't particularly enjoy it at less upmarket places either.

I understand that people want to get their kids used to behaving in restaurants, but don't start at the Savoy with a toddler!

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 14/05/2019 07:55

Honestly, we didn't even go to a cafe or a pub when DD1 was that age because there was no point, one of us would have been eating alone after a few minutes while the other walked around with her. DD2 would have sat beautifully pretty much from birth but probably wouldn't eat anything on the menu.

Almahart · 14/05/2019 08:04

No way. I think pp suggestion of arriving for coffee is a good one. This sounds unbelievably stressful and also not fair on other diners.

If you arrive at the beginning and then try to leave there is likely to be all manner of fuss and insisting that you stay

PanamaPattie · 14/05/2019 08:16

Terrible idea. It's not a place for toddlers. The other diners will not appreciate it and you won't enjoy it. Meet MIL for a Happy Meal for supper!

KindergartenKop · 14/05/2019 13:17

Take her to McDonald's and then return to the posh restaurant to show off her Happy meal toy. Don't do this to yourself, toddlers are such hard work and the people planning this don't understand what it's like!

CMOTDibbler · 14/05/2019 13:32

I think you'd be best turning up for a drink before, and then take her to the park until your dh texts you to say they have ordered dessert (and one for you and dd) then you join them again. MIL gets the photos, and you don't have to suffer trying to keep dd amused while everyone else has a long and relaxed meal

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