ASD (formerly known as Aspergers Syndrome - DX was just as the manual was changing) and ADHD here.
DD is now 13, DX when she was 5.
As our only DC, and living away from wider family, we just assumed she was hard work.
Creche/Montessori picked up on it, mentioned when she was in final year there (aged 4) in regular developmental meeting, we looked more objectively and said maybe.
Asked GP for referral over that summer, letter sent off.
Started primary school, teacher (about 6 weeks in) laughed off the notion - but by end of junior infants agreed maybe there was something.
Appointment for evaluation came in Sept of senior infants (15 months after referral). Got DX just before Christmas. Had to go private for ed psych evaluation, got that report back mid-March and Principal immediately put in application for resource and agreed to start resource hours regardless as they now agreed with the need.
A range of supports in place in school, some support from Clinic, and lots of things we've paid for over the years - some more helpful than others. And some not necessarily ASD related that really helped when a coach understood her and supported her in regular settings (as opposed to therapeutic settings specifically).
DD is now in 1st year in secondary school and we have seen huge changes over the years, mostly positive.
She was always reticent with strangers, and even people she knew well, taking a long time to come out of her shell in different situations. We noticed that if she met someone in a different situation to normal (say a neighbor in the shopping centre rather than on the street), she would be very reluctant to engage. She would stay back and watch what was going on, and eventually join in - she always needed to watch others to be able to "mirror" their behaviour and learn how to fit in.
Would have difficulties with very loud or very bright places, and it took us a long time to figure out the sensory overload - what seemed minor in most places could be a major reason for meltdown if we were somewhere noisy, bright and crowded. We have learned to recognize the stress of those situations far better, and try to avoid them or reduce exposure to them if possible - and we don't react angrily to her going into meltdown as we have learned that its her stress response, not just "being naughty". And in general, we have tried to reduce the likelihood of meltdowns, and recognize that giving her time and space (darker room, cooler temperature, quiet space, often under a blanket) to allow the overload to diminish really does benefit her. We had a small tent, and loads of fluffy blankets, in the sitting room for years, and she still has a load of fluffy blankets and an ability to create dark dens up in her bedroom if she wants to (and we generally let her at it when she does).
Very high pain threshold - but also didn't seem to know her own strength at times.
Difficulty making and keeping friends. Although that has improved over time.
Diffficulty concentrating on something unless she herself was deeply interested - and sometimes really wanting to get everyone else intensely interested.
Couldn't get herself organized.
Huge difficulties with sleep - and still does. Getting to sleep. Staying asleep. We are constantly working on that one. But we've had umpteen versions of sleeping solutions over the years - on the floor (maybe with a duvet under her, or the duvet making a "tent"), on a beanbag, on the bed in a sleeping bag, buried under 6 fluffy blankets, duvet may be over or under her, no pillows up to a nest of 4 pillows, big fleecy onesies under a duvet and a couple of heavy blankets, or just with a sheet over no PJs, lights on, lights off, blackout blinds, leaving blind open for morning light.... if it means she will sleep, we can accept almost anything that she tries (as long as we can open her door and not trip over her).
Issues around food. We went through beige food phases, nothing but soup (tomato usually, mushroom occasionally acceptable), loads of tuna melts phase, I will only eat pasta, I will not eat any pasta, ....all sorts. So I tend to just work on making sure she gets sufficient food of some sort - even if that means making a totally different meal to DH and I, making sure there are some kind of snacks she will eat available, and adding "hidden calories" when we are in tricky phases (blitzing veggies, adding cream to sauces, giving lots of cheese, for years she had hot or cold milk or hot chocolate (with whipped cream) going to bed just to get the necessary energy into her to get through the night).
She really wants to be creative - but finds it incredibly difficult to be. She is very logical instead, mathsy rather than arty. Loves music but cannot learn it to save her life. Finds it very hard to write anything descriptive in English - but can do something like a newspaper report very easily and do lots of factual research etc.
Over the years, we have slowly improved the need for a rigid routine. She needed to know the plan in advance - when we flew to London for a weekend away, as a surprise, instead of driving to DGranny's house for the weekend, she cried. She had a great time there, but couldn't cope with the change of plan. So we got a lot better at letting her know the plan, and if things changed, letting her know as soon as possible - and also letting her know that we didn't know everything so she couldn't either (that's still a work in progress, but a lot better).
Organising skills are one of our current "projects". We have tended to work on 1 issue at a time - no point in trying to tackle issues around food AND issues around rudeness at the same time as the stress levels increased too high and no progress was made on anything. But tackle one for a few weeks, gently, and get that working better, and you could then move on to tackling something else with some success. Strategies will work for a while (star charts, promised rewards, love bombing....), but need regular change to keep working.
But she is a lovely funny quirky kid. Who is great at lots of sports, has got a few nice friends who understand her, works hard in school, looks after small DCs and vulnerable people really well (if she's not stressed) and is very loving in her own way. (Just ignore the swearing and teenage hormonal grumbling under her breath at times).