Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions? My team of unqualified but experienced Agony Aunts and myself have a 100% success rate. We're very friendly and never judgemental. Even if you're riddled with the clap.

hmm well this thread has captured me to a T within a few posts. IQ that is alarming as a blood pressure reading and total shit for brains when it comes to general knowledge or anything remotely cultural.

and I may or may not be a serial killer....

AND A FECKING BEE JUST FLEW PAST MY WINDOW

thigh you are NFMN, ie normal for Mumsnet...that's plenty of IQ!

Dangly just want to say "classy" is your middle name!

Johnny when you get to my age, any photo that doesn't crack the camera lens is a win. You have an understated beauty.

M3 glad you are being treated kindly on the other thread. You sound like a lovely mum.

Poot I agree, DT is an unsung hero. She is lovely and possibly a hospital psychiatrist so vital to the cause.

Thigh The puzzles are shit. Who needs that shiz in real life?

I can't do them and I'm supposed to be 150 according to a proper test.

In addition, repeat IQ tests of the same person have a 20% variance.

Thigh have you considered Mastermind, topic: Serial Killers?

naked I feel like IQ tests fail on two fronts...firstly its not clear what they measure...secondly they don't measure what ever it is in a reproducible manner. Fairly fundamental problems as it goes....

Had to slap a local Fuckboy around the chops today because he was late with my post breakfast gin. I said bring it to me by the pool. Apparently he got confused because I have two private pools - idiot. You can't get the staff these days. You can't get the staff these days. I think I saw pube magic carpet but ducked in horror at thought of visiting.

mrscat we could have a rota for visiting, since you have 2 pools. But I bet your fuckboy has peed in them both now!!

The pubes magic carpet is a stress free mode of travel!

CP How about we raise our slankets to cover our (and expose our nether regions) if we're so unlucky to bump into each other. We could do the Thigh greeting of bow legged walk. 'nuff said. You're all welcome (but no visiting) - Fuckboys a plenty and rum barrels to be tapped. Just don't look me in the eye.

'cover our faces'

Yes that should be fine!

Yes that should be fine!

Oops obviously very very fine.

Is everything fine CP? You do seem fine!

Hello! I'm fine too!

Well hanging in there at least, been far and wide on the carpet today, wonder if it is visible from space?

Thanks for the compliments gang I luffs y'all too and yes, CP I am a very classy broad, has been remarked upon all of my life especially from my fave punters! (That reminds me, how can i take payments via Direct Debit?)

Don't you worry MrsC a sighting of the pube-mobile means a guaranteed none-visit visit.

I like you idea re raising slankets too!

Re online IQ tests I have done two attempts ever online (same test) and ranged between 90 odd and 120 odd!!

Load of old you know what if you ask me!

It would be nice to know if I am thick or not but some online squiggles are not going to educate me on this matter so ... queue music:

dangly I myself do a lovely reverse striptease At the end of August I start adding garments, and by October I'm quite well muffled up!

Well you know CP this could be an act for sure!!

Shall I get you a booking?

CP. Do you rub goose fat all over your torso and private places before sewing underwear (liberty bodice and bloomers) together come September and unpick yourself following March?

mrscat that pretty well describes it! Seriously, I would love a grown up liberty bodice, vests are too flimsy over the goose grease.

dangly not sure what market there is for a chilly un- stripper, but life is full of surprises. I do pull on a cashmere cardi in rather a seductive manner.........

Good Lord, March ?March? CAST NOT A CLOUT 'TIL MAY BE OUT!!

And May be not out yet!! Stay sewn in for the next couple of weeks CP and yes i think there will be a market for you putting on your cardi as you describe, it could be our most popular act!!

We just need a way to obtain regular payments from them long after they've gone!

Perhaps some woollen stockings too?

I partly chose Fuckboy for his heat generating qualities. "A fat man is like an extra blanket in winter"

Yes, lido with sheepskin booties too!!

Surely I'm not alone in feeling the cold?

Forsooth Pooter I have the ceiling fan on and have moved into my summer slippers. I've put my favourite cardy away and am developing a tan. I could possibly enter into a relationship with a human who generated heat. I want a cooling human. Every time the dogs sit near me I snip off a bit more of their fur. I've prepared my hospital gown for 1st June, our official move into Summer Uniform.