What does Family Flowers Only mean?

[BertrandRussell]

Mil’s partner’s funeral is next week, and for various complicated but valid reasons, only my adult dd is able to go. The death notice says family flowers only- does that mean it’s OK to send a wreath or not? We didn’t know him very well but he was a very traditional man and I don’t want to put my foot in it....

I wouldn’t. It means the family are organising the flowers.

No I wouldn't either

Often in these situations there tends to be a charity collection for a cause that was important to the deceased. Could you find out and maybe make a donation to that instead?

And i’ve just noticed I spelled his name slightly wrong on all the letters. Shit.

It's immediate family, which I think from the sound of it you aren't.

The undertakers will probably have a charity he's nominated to donate to instead.

I wouldn't. I take 'family flowers only' to mean only from the spouse/partner and children of the deceased person.

No - it means the immediate family only (e.g. next of kin), not extended family.

No, no flowers. I would ask if the family are collecting for charity though, this is often the case when no flowers are requested.

Yes, there is a charity- we were going to donate to that as well. I might wait a bit then send MIL flowers instead.

It means his family so wife/siblings/children basically the flowers you see in a hearse don't send a wreath even if you feel you should .

Sorry i misread how long has mil been with him ?

Yes send Mil flowers instead.

Family flowers would be spouse/children/parents possibly siblings depending on closeness, often together if more than one sibling.

Donation to charity, then flowers or comparable to the surviving spouse.

I usually send them a few days or a week later when the immediate people are likely to have gone, with a '`thinking of you" type message.

I agree with the others, don't send a wreath, make a donation to the charity then send MIL flowers a week or so later. That would be a lovely thing to do.

I’ll send dd some money to put in the bucket them den mil some flowers next week. They’ve been together nearly 10 years.

It’s to save the huge waste of flowers that can be thrown away straight after the funeral, especially if it’s a cremation. There’s simply nowhere to put them.

Yes-I wouldn’t usually send flowers for that very reason- but I am feeling so guilty about not going!

If still not sure, ask the undertaker

We had family only flowers when my mum died, just a simple arrangement for the coffin. We appreciated every penny people gave for the local cancer unit though.

Sending condolences to you and your family.

If you need to ask the question, then don't send flowers.

“If you need to ask the question, then don't send flowers“

Blimey, that’s a bit harsh! I asked because I didn’t know what it meant. Would I somehow have known psychically if it was appropriate?

I think it would depend on whether MIL , he , you & her son & DD thought of him as family. I do appreciate funeral flowers are often wasted ( unless given away locally ) , but is this one where her son could ask her what she means? MIL specified immediate family only at her funeral. DH asked his father if that meant DIL ( me) & he said he would rather the "whole family" came. But I said I would not go depending on what she meant by that. FIL wanted DiLs there.
I think the idea of sending her flowers from her family is lovely. In truth , in my opinion the flowers , service etc ( assuming you have one) are more to do with those still here, so I think it depends what her view is of immediate family. But flowers to her sounds a very good way to go.

I am just organising my mother's funeral.
Family flowers only, in her case, means just that we will have a coffin arrangement and nothing else. It was the same for my father.
Saves having to collect all the cards from flowers sent and also having to arrange for the flowers to be disposed of afterwards.
We did give the option of making a donation to charity, in lieu of flowers, for my father.

“Mil’s partner” - I think if your dh considered him a “stepfather” figure he’d count as “family” for these purposes. But it needs to be his call not yours.