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Original poster

Cannot stay awake for night feeds and the worry is really getting to me

77 replies

Kayleigh2323 · 30/04/2019 05:00

Hi, my little girl is 9 weeks old and EBF and as the title says, I physically cannot stay awake for the night feeds.

She normally wakes up twice/three times a night for a feed and sleeps in a next to me Snuzpod. She usually feeds for just 5/10 minutes, falls asleep and then will go back into her Snuzpod no problem at all however most nights we don't get to that point as I've fallen asleep during her feed.

There has only been 1 night in her 9 weeks since we got home from the hospital that I haven't fallen asleep with her and the panic when I wake up and realise I am holding her is horrible - I literally check she is breathing as I'm so scared of SIDS

There has been 2 occasions in the 9 weeks that she has moved from the position I fell asleep with her in. The first time I was winding her and fell asleep 😩 and she began to slip buy the second she did, I woke up. And the second was last night when she was in my arms and I woke up to her writhing around in between mine and my husband's pillows 😢 she was absolutely fine and must have only been there seconds but I'm really struggling knowing that was my fault because I fell asleep and was potentially dangerous for her.

Its like I'm completely blanking out when I fall asleep. If she was in her Snuzpod half an hour ago and you were to ask me how many times she's been up for a feed, I would have told you that was the first time since she was last fed at 11.30pm. Except that can't be right as I was cradling her. I don't even remember in the slightest getting her out of her Snuzpod! Other times I wake up with her on me and my boob is out so she has clearly had a feed but I have no idea when or how she even got there .... It's a complete blank in my memory.

It's not like I can even feel myself falling asleep. My eyes don't go heavy and I don't "drop off". I must literally go from awake to asleep as I have no chance to even stop myself falling asleep.

The fact that I am wedged in with pillows and that she doesn't usually move when I'm holding her gives me a tiny bit of comfort but what about if she suffocates under my boob when I'm feeding her?! 😭😭

I don't like the idea of co sleeping despite reading the official safe sleep advice on the lullaby trust. Besides, as long as I can stay awake long enough, she goes back into her Snuzpod perfectly after a feed with no issue.

People have also told me to get out of bed and feed her somewhere else but I've read that falling asleep with a baby on the sofa/nursing chair is much worse than in bed anyway as it's worse if you drop them.

I just don't know what to do from here? I don't feel tired in the day with the fact she's only up twice/three times and only feeds for 5/10 minutes so it's not like I'm up a lot and doing long feeds 😕. So although the sudden fling asleep seems due to exhaustion, I feel fine 😔

I have read that between oxytocin and prolactin, these hormones relax you so much they can make you fall asleep but that's not an option, I need to stay awake until she's finished feeding. It's only 5/10 minutes for god's sake!

What do I do? In case you haven't guessed already, this is my first baby so naturally I'm a bit more panicky. I've also has a miscarriage before I had my little girl which I don't think is helping with my anxiety as I seemed to become very anxious following that.

I guess I'm asking for advice as to what I can do to not slept through her feeds? I've tried watching TV, reading and going on my phone. I also turn on the lamp and have even set alarms on my phone in case I do fall asleep but I must just turn them off 😩

Please help me and thank you so much if you've got this far! Xxx

OP posts:
LuckyKitty13 · 30/04/2019 05:31

Could you feed her lying down on your side? Just thinking it would minimise any risks if you did fall asleep. I am also EBF (baby is 5 weeks old) and I do all the night feeds like this. I would also suggest setting up your bed so it's safe for accidental co sleeping/falling asleep with baby in the bed - no duvet, minimal pillows, keep baby on your side only so minimal risk of baby between your partner and yourself if you fall asleep.

If you don't want to do that then possibility playing/scrolling on your phone whilst feeding as the blue light might keep you awake?

LuckyKitty13 · 30/04/2019 05:31

Sorry I see you've already mentioned the phone not working!!

nutellanom · 30/04/2019 06:00

You absolutely need to feed her lying down on your side, following the safe sleep advice you have already read. Then if you fall asleep she is safe.

At the moment what you're doing isn't safe, and definitely a chair or sofa won't be any safer. If you manage to stay awake during feed or wake shortly after then you can pop her back in her snuzpod.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Families
abcriskringle · 30/04/2019 06:08

Yes, side-lying is a great position if you struggle to keep awake as then if you drop off she is flat on her back / can't be dropped. Get rid of any suffocation risks such as pillows and blankets/duvets though. Also, ny friend had a small night light that she could hang around her neck and every so many minutes it vibrated/buzzed to keep her awake! Sounded a bit gimmicky to me but she said it was great.

BillywilliamV · 30/04/2019 06:19

I used to regularly fall asleep when side feeding, absolutely confident that I wouldn’t hurt my DD. Obviously remove all cushions, blankets etc. We are mammals, I suspect it’s the way we were designed to feed.

SomeonesRealName · 30/04/2019 06:19

The only thing that worries me about this situation is that your bed is not set up for safe co-sleeping. I did most of my night feeding while sleeping but I had stripped my bed of all suffocation risks - no pillows, no duvet, baby on my side, following all the guidelines about not drinking or smoking.

AwdBovril · 30/04/2019 06:27

YY to feeding her laying down on your side.

Also, if you have any chance for naps during the day, or an early night, take it. It's easy to become used to the sleep deprivation with a newborn, if you are regularly falling asleep while feeding her, you're obviously in need of more sleep (no judgement, it happens a lot). If she naps during the day, can you nap too? Get family, or your DH to take her for an hour or so, every day if possible. Also, I found that one of the things that was best for my milk supply, was more sleep / rest.

SnuggyBuggy · 30/04/2019 06:32

This is exactly what got me into cosleeping

donajimena · 30/04/2019 06:35

Can your budget allow a side sleeper? They didn't exist when mine were little so I set up the bed for co sleeping (took my duvet off, removed pillows on half the bed etc) and as pps suggested I fed on my side. If you have the side sleeper you have an enclosure on the edge.

CupoTeap · 30/04/2019 06:35

Your dh wakes up as well?

Eminybob · 30/04/2019 06:41

Can you arrange yourself so that she stays in the snuzpod and you sort of move yourself into it to to feed her lying down?

I have a Chicco next to me crib and I do this so DS is still safe in his bed, and I can just roll away after the feed but the 2 mattresses are flush with each other, I don’t know if this is the same set up with the snuzpod?

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 30/04/2019 06:42

Agree with the advice to prepare to co-sleep in case. I would actually go further and during the day when presumably dh isn't there, take yourself off to bed for two feeds a day, close the curtains and try to sleep as you feed so you get a bit more sleep.

In a month or so you might start practicing the pantly pull off technique (Google it) so she learns to self soothe and then night feeds will be shorter.

MaggieMcSplash · 30/04/2019 07:05

It's exhausting I also used to fall asleep but like other users suggested I learnt to side feed and kept baby my side only with no blankets so if I fell asleep they would be no issues. I also used the snuzpod and eventually learnt to feed from there too.

Iamgoingtobehonestwithyou · 30/04/2019 07:17

There is nothing to prepare you for this level of exhaustion. My baby only took 20 minute naps through the day and would only sleep whilst being held so I had no opportunity to catch up on sleep during the day.

To help me catch up on sleep my partner would take the baby when he came home from work and I would sleep from 5pm to 11pm. We had a good store of expressed milk which he used for any feeds.

I actually ended up moving the baby and I into the living room and I would put the TV on for each feed to try and keep myself awake.

I fell asleep twice whilst feeding her, I remember those experiences clearly. It was scary.

I hope you find something that works for you.

MrsWombat · 30/04/2019 07:29

I had this, and ended up co-sleeping safely.

Can you get an Alexa Echo Dot in your bedroom so you can set up a timer/music/lights handsfree? You will have to shout "Alexa shush" to turn off the alarm.

TeenTitans · 30/04/2019 08:00

Express and get your partner to do some of it, if you absolutely don't want to cosleep? I can't stay awake for multiple night feeds either.

DocusDiplo · 30/04/2019 08:04

What other option can you think of apart from cosleeping? Other evil options include setting a 10 minute alarm on your phone. I coslept so am biased.

Pinkkahori · 30/04/2019 08:06

I agree with setting things up for safe co-sleeping. Then if you fall aslerp the baby is safe and if you stay awake you can put her in her own bed.
I think you run on adrenaline or something in the first 6-8 weeks and then the real tiredness hits so it's not surprising you are finding it hard to stay awake.

octonoughtcake3 · 30/04/2019 08:07

Safe cosleeping is safe. Using a snuzpod is not considered to be safe sleeping.

randomsabreuse · 30/04/2019 08:09

I hate co sleeping but am set up for it in case of a bad night because better safe accidental co sleeping than unsafe accidental co sleeping!

I hate doing it because I get shit sleep and a sore back but it got us through the early days and DS mostly sleeps in his cot between feeds.

Would also mention to Dr/HV as you sound tireder than you "should" be and would want to rule out anaemia.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 30/04/2019 08:09

I'd take her downstairs, have a drink and put TV on. Anything to make you more alert.

Karwomannghia · 30/04/2019 08:14

I was the same I’d fall asleep feeding and really hadn’t intended to. I think them falling asleep makes you go off too! As others have said just sort your bed out so it allows for this so no pillows or dips to get caught in.

JamesonCask · 30/04/2019 08:14

I agree with @Chocolatecoffeeaddict. I think being in bed makes you more sleepy, I used to get up and go in to nursery and feed there, I had my rocking chair, snacks, water and Netflix all set up. Any time I tried to feed in bed I would be like you and fall asleep

chocolatebuttonsandcheese · 30/04/2019 08:22

Just get up with her, don't feed her in bed. Feed her stand up or sitting at the end of the bed.

Aquifolium · 30/04/2019 08:29

I would go to GP . It might be sleep apnoea or something?

Plus agree co-sleeping will help.