Cannot stay awake for night feeds and the worry is really getting to me

[Kayleigh2323]

Hi, my little girl is 9 weeks old and EBF and as the title says, I physically cannot stay awake for the night feeds.

She normally wakes up twice/three times a night for a feed and sleeps in a next to me Snuzpod. She usually feeds for just 5/10 minutes, falls asleep and then will go back into her Snuzpod no problem at all however most nights we don't get to that point as I've fallen asleep during her feed.

There has only been 1 night in her 9 weeks since we got home from the hospital that I haven't fallen asleep with her and the panic when I wake up and realise I am holding her is horrible - I literally check she is breathing as I'm so scared of SIDS

There has been 2 occasions in the 9 weeks that she has moved from the position I fell asleep with her in. The first time I was winding her and fell asleep 😩 and she began to slip buy the second she did, I woke up. And the second was last night when she was in my arms and I woke up to her writhing around in between mine and my husband's pillows 😢 she was absolutely fine and must have only been there seconds but I'm really struggling knowing that was my fault because I fell asleep and was potentially dangerous for her.

Its like I'm completely blanking out when I fall asleep. If she was in her Snuzpod half an hour ago and you were to ask me how many times she's been up for a feed, I would have told you that was the first time since she was last fed at 11.30pm. Except that can't be right as I was cradling her. I don't even remember in the slightest getting her out of her Snuzpod! Other times I wake up with her on me and my boob is out so she has clearly had a feed but I have no idea when or how she even got there .... It's a complete blank in my memory.

It's not like I can even feel myself falling asleep. My eyes don't go heavy and I don't "drop off". I must literally go from awake to asleep as I have no chance to even stop myself falling asleep.

The fact that I am wedged in with pillows and that she doesn't usually move when I'm holding her gives me a tiny bit of comfort but what about if she suffocates under my boob when I'm feeding her?! 😭😭

I don't like the idea of co sleeping despite reading the official safe sleep advice on the lullaby trust. Besides, as long as I can stay awake long enough, she goes back into her Snuzpod perfectly after a feed with no issue.

People have also told me to get out of bed and feed her somewhere else but I've read that falling asleep with a baby on the sofa/nursing chair is much worse than in bed anyway as it's worse if you drop them.

I just don't know what to do from here? I don't feel tired in the day with the fact she's only up twice/three times and only feeds for 5/10 minutes so it's not like I'm up a lot and doing long feeds 😕. So although the sudden fling asleep seems due to exhaustion, I feel fine 😔

I have read that between oxytocin and prolactin, these hormones relax you so much they can make you fall asleep but that's not an option, I need to stay awake until she's finished feeding. It's only 5/10 minutes for god's sake!

What do I do? In case you haven't guessed already, this is my first baby so naturally I'm a bit more panicky. I've also has a miscarriage before I had my little girl which I don't think is helping with my anxiety as I seemed to become very anxious following that.

I guess I'm asking for advice as to what I can do to not slept through her feeds? I've tried watching TV, reading and going on my phone. I also turn on the lamp and have even set alarms on my phone in case I do fall asleep but I must just turn them off 😩

Please help me and thank you so much if you've got this far! Xxx

Yes to feeding lying down... this is literally how I coped.

For the first few months though, I would sit up in bed and it was exhausting doing it that way.

We originally bought a moses basket for DS but he never really slept in it so my HV suggested wedging the moses basket up against the side of the bed so if DS rolled, he could roll into that safely. That allowed me to get some sleep and not worry so much.

I used to be much the same but my (paranoid!) DH would sit with me while baby fed, then change her and put her back in her cot. The night feeds don't last forever ;-)

I have co slept with both of mine and still when my youngest (1year) wakes up i still take her into bed with me, i woke up this morning and she was in bed with me and i had no memory of getting up going to her cot and bringing her in beside me!
I used to fall asleep during most of their feeds as i found it so relaxing i always struggled to stay awake!
I definitely wouldn't advise sitting on the edge of the bed to feed as when i was in hospital with my first i did this and fell asleep and the nurse gave me into trouble saying it was unsafe (which obviously it is, i could have dropped him on the floor!!)
Bf on your side is the safest thing to do, and also i used Alexa to play music every 10 mins so i had to tell her to turn off and that would wake me up

You don't need to see a doctor! It's a perfectly physiologically normal response to breastfeeding. When you feed a baby your body produces lots of sleep-inducing hormone to help you get back to sleep after night feeds. Unfortunately for us evolution hasn't caught up with the fact that modern beds are full of suffocation/fall hazards and cots exist, our hormones are still geared up to early human life where we probably slept on straw or animal skins and next to mum was the safest place for a newborn.

Easily your best option is doing side lying feeding and setting your bed up as a safe cosleeping environment. If you are going to fall asleep, you are - so accept it and minimise the risks.

I was also terrified of falling asleep (DS was an awful sleeper, woke every 45 mins so I was exhausted all the time). I used to sit on the edge of the bed, make sure I was cold (wearing a thin vest top and shorts, no covers on me) and keep sipping a glass of water, which kept me awake.

Can your DH get up too to supervise? If it's only 3 times a night he won't lose much sleep.

I did night feeds in the chair in the nursery for this reason. And because sitting up in bed hurt my back. It is terrifying though.

Whatever else you try to stay awake, please please please follow the advice of above posters and feed lying down in a safe co-sleeping space anyway. That way she's safe if you do fall asleep with her and if you stay awake, no problem, you can just put her back in the cot.

I know you don't like the idea of cosleeping but falling asleep feeding like this is so, so unsafe, it really is. If you absolutely can't stand the idea of planning to cosleep (rather than cosleeping accidentally, which is basically what you're doing every night at the moment anyway) then consider introducing formula or expressing so your husband can do the night feeds. You can't willpower yourself into staying awake.

There are YouTube videos on feeding lying on your side. It was a game-changer for me.

Ah OP.
It’s a horrible feeling.

It’s all been said really but I would:

• Set up your bed to be safe for co-sleeping and feed lying on your side in case you fall asleep. If you don’t; you can return her to the cot bit if you do she’s safer. *Consider going to bed at 7/8pm and leaving her with your DH for a few hours so you get more sleep earlier in the night.
• Consider having your DH give her a formula feed in the evening while you sleep; then you do the overnight.

Consider having your DH give her a formula feed in the evening while you sleep; then you do the overnight

or a bottle of expressed breast milk.

I was like this too. 100% set yourself up for safe cosleeping. It's unplanned falling asleep with your baby that's potentially dangerous, planning to safely bedshare is not. I was close to dropping my first baby trying to stay awake. By my second, I was so well rested because I'd just sleep with her and didn't have to be awake all the time for her to feed.

@octonoughtcake3

A snuzpod is perfectly safe!

Are you confused as to what it is? Thinking it's similar to a sleepyhead?

Comments like yours are not helpful at all

This is what we did during that stage (and still do a lot of the time) and what I think you should try. I don’t see any other option that wouldn’t be risky.

DH sleeps in the spare room. I have the bed with DD (you could keep her in the snuzpod with the side down but might be uncomfortable with the join bit) I followed the safe co sleeping guidelines and slept with my arm out and fed on my side. Had no pillows near her or cover and she slept in the sleep bag.

It really is so much better, all you have to do is latch her on and you can go back to sleep. Or if you don’t fall asleep like PP said you can just move her back.

It’s so hard during those early days- I am able to stay awake a lot easier now but I couldn’t back then. It may get worse during the 4 month regression too! I know I couldn’t have done it without co sleeping during that time.

Good luck OP.

Meant to say if your DH goes in the spare room for a bit it’s easier to feed off both breasts if you have the whole bed because you can switch sides . So you won’t wake up in pain with milk everywhere!

Yep I always fell asleep. I just learnt to safely cosleep and slept feeding on my side with my arm under there neck. Still do at 10 months.
I

hamandpease yes I am. Sorry for being unhelpful.

While you feed read the news on your phone, the Guardian is free, use the bluelight filter or an app so you can go back to sleep

I was too worried to cosleep as well.

DD took 50 minutes to feed until she was 3 months and I was very concerned about falling asleep. The things I did that I think helped me stay awake for nightfeeds are:

Before every feed I got up and went to the loo and then went downstairs and had a drink of water before coming back up and lifting DD out of her basket (which wasn't next to the bed so I had to get out of bed to get her anyway)

Chatting to friends on antenatal group WhatsApp (there was always someone else up feeding at the same time!)

Watching DVDs of old funny TV on a portable DVD player - I borrowed the whole Ally Mcbeal boxset)

Eating (kept a box of rich tea biscuits by my bed)

Feeding on your side.
Absolute game changer

Oh I wouldn’t like this either op... dh is a heavy sleeper so ours couldn’t share the bed at first...we had a full size cot in our room and I got out of bed to feed all of mine..
I think you should get up and feed out of the bedroom.and sleep when baby does in the day .
I had 3 under 3 and we all slept a solid 2 hours every afternoon.

Hi everyone,

Thank you so so much for all your responses, I have read every single one and want to say thank you for all your suggestions and advice. I thought I was going to be slated for putting myself in this situation which is clearly far from ideal and potentially very dangerous but instead you have all been so helpful and understanding.

I think the best course of action will be to properly look into safe co sleeping and set our bed up for that tonight first and foremost before I try anything else as like everyone has pointed out, even if I do try the other suggestions, there's still the chance I'll still fall asleep.

With regards to other courses of action, I have tried feeding her on my side while she's still asleep in the Snuzpod before which does work but she's a very refluxy baby so she would be really sick in her sleep some time after as she's fallen asleep flat on her back so not really keen to do that again until she's less refluxy.

So, I'm also going to have a chat with my husband when he's home from work and get him to stay awake with me during feeds with the big light on so I don't fall asleep. He's had it very easy so far with no night feeds since I'm EBF so he can share some of the tiredness!

I have no issues expressing a feed for him to do in general but my little girl has oral thrush and I have nipple thrush at the minute so have been advised to avoid feeding her any expressed milk until that's cleared up as it may just reinfect us.

Unfortunately my lo doesn't like to nap during the day unless she's led on me so I can't sleep during the day but to be honest, I don't even feel tired during the day anyway.

I am going to get my bloods done too though to check for anemia as I hemorrhaged giving birth and had to have two blood transfusions due to losing so much blood so it is likely that this could also be a contributory factor.

I'll also restock my bedside table with biscuits haha. I did go through a stage of eating biscuits a few weeks ago during feeds but worried I was going to put on too much weight however right now, I'm willing to try anything!

Thanks again everyone xxxxxx

Op is she getting medication for her reflux? That could make things easier.

Obviously it's not ideal if your baby pukes up over your sheets etc, but just to reassure you that there's no risks/health worries if baby does vomit after feeds while lying on back. Practically speaking, layering fitted sheets can help so you just whip the puked-on one off and there's another underneath.

Good luck and wishing you better sleep. I used to cosleep for daytime naps too. It was actually nice.

If you are looking for an alternative to co-sleeping I found doing puzzles on my phone kept me awake much better than watching TV/reading social media etc. I downloaded the KenKen app (similar to Sudoku) - think I'm nearing 300 puzzles completed now with 6 months worth of night feeds!