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Original poster

Cannot stay awake for night feeds and the worry is really getting to me

77 replies

Kayleigh2323 · 30/04/2019 05:00

Hi, my little girl is 9 weeks old and EBF and as the title says, I physically cannot stay awake for the night feeds.

She normally wakes up twice/three times a night for a feed and sleeps in a next to me Snuzpod. She usually feeds for just 5/10 minutes, falls asleep and then will go back into her Snuzpod no problem at all however most nights we don't get to that point as I've fallen asleep during her feed.

There has only been 1 night in her 9 weeks since we got home from the hospital that I haven't fallen asleep with her and the panic when I wake up and realise I am holding her is horrible - I literally check she is breathing as I'm so scared of SIDS

There has been 2 occasions in the 9 weeks that she has moved from the position I fell asleep with her in. The first time I was winding her and fell asleep 😩 and she began to slip buy the second she did, I woke up. And the second was last night when she was in my arms and I woke up to her writhing around in between mine and my husband's pillows 😢 she was absolutely fine and must have only been there seconds but I'm really struggling knowing that was my fault because I fell asleep and was potentially dangerous for her.

Its like I'm completely blanking out when I fall asleep. If she was in her Snuzpod half an hour ago and you were to ask me how many times she's been up for a feed, I would have told you that was the first time since she was last fed at 11.30pm. Except that can't be right as I was cradling her. I don't even remember in the slightest getting her out of her Snuzpod! Other times I wake up with her on me and my boob is out so she has clearly had a feed but I have no idea when or how she even got there .... It's a complete blank in my memory.

It's not like I can even feel myself falling asleep. My eyes don't go heavy and I don't "drop off". I must literally go from awake to asleep as I have no chance to even stop myself falling asleep.

The fact that I am wedged in with pillows and that she doesn't usually move when I'm holding her gives me a tiny bit of comfort but what about if she suffocates under my boob when I'm feeding her?! 😭😭

I don't like the idea of co sleeping despite reading the official safe sleep advice on the lullaby trust. Besides, as long as I can stay awake long enough, she goes back into her Snuzpod perfectly after a feed with no issue.

People have also told me to get out of bed and feed her somewhere else but I've read that falling asleep with a baby on the sofa/nursing chair is much worse than in bed anyway as it's worse if you drop them.

I just don't know what to do from here? I don't feel tired in the day with the fact she's only up twice/three times and only feeds for 5/10 minutes so it's not like I'm up a lot and doing long feeds 😕. So although the sudden fling asleep seems due to exhaustion, I feel fine 😔

I have read that between oxytocin and prolactin, these hormones relax you so much they can make you fall asleep but that's not an option, I need to stay awake until she's finished feeding. It's only 5/10 minutes for god's sake!

What do I do? In case you haven't guessed already, this is my first baby so naturally I'm a bit more panicky. I've also has a miscarriage before I had my little girl which I don't think is helping with my anxiety as I seemed to become very anxious following that.

I guess I'm asking for advice as to what I can do to not slept through her feeds? I've tried watching TV, reading and going on my phone. I also turn on the lamp and have even set alarms on my phone in case I do fall asleep but I must just turn them off 😩

Please help me and thank you so much if you've got this far! Xxx

OP posts:
YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 30/04/2019 08:30

I was really paranoid about SIDS when I have a newborn and so never co-slept. But I've read more about it now and I think it's relatively safe, so I agree with PPs that you should look into it.

If you don't feel comfortable co-sleeping, get up out of bed, go into another room, turn a light on or watch TV, sit upright for the feed. Your baby is a fast feeder, so maybe even sit in a dining chair rather than an arm chair. You'd be unlikely to fall asleep sitting upright on a hard chair in a lit room.

Hopefully she sleeps through for you soon and you don't need to worry about this!

Overseasmom100 · 30/04/2019 08:46

I literally used to go to bed at 7pm and just sleep...DS routine would be
6pm bath, milk, bed - I would get into bed at this time
9pm - feed nappy change - me back to bed
midnight - repeat
4am - repeat
7am - repeat

If I felt ok I would get up then but put baby back down as he would nod back off- if I felt tired I'd go back to sleep - he would sometimes sleep till 10am.

I would sleep in the afternoons when he napped as well.

It didnt last forever, I did what I felt was right for me. You need your sleep. I functioned much better doing it that way for a few weeks.

AfterTrentham · 30/04/2019 09:26

Have you thought about expressing, or using formula for one of the night feeds, so your DH can do a night feed and let you catch up on sleep? You sound exhausted. I realise that if you don't feed at all overnight your breasts will get very engorged and sore, but if your baby is waking several times a night, your DH could alternate feeds with you so you're less exhausted? The downside of exclusive breastfeeding, with no expressed milk or formula at all, is that it places a huge burden on Mum which can be exhausting.

Interested in this thread?

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0-3 months old Babies & sleep Families
Snowoctopus · 30/04/2019 09:36

Please learn about safe bedsharing and try that, even if just for a few weeks.
“The Safe Sleep Seven” by “La Leche League is really helpful.

Ohyesiam · 30/04/2019 09:40

I had my babies in bed with me and fed them lying on my side. We obviously did the safety checks from a great co sleeping book Three in a Bed by Deborah Jackson.
The midwives told me sids risk was reduced by co sleeping as it was thought babies took breathing cues from their parents, and that im china( where there are no cots) sids did not exist.

ShabbyAbby · 30/04/2019 09:47

It sounds like you are just very sleep deprived. You need to find some time to catch up on sleep. Is there someone else who could have baby overnight? Your partner or the grandparents or a friend or somebody? You could express some milk.

Aquifolium · 30/04/2019 10:03

and that im china( where there are no cots) sids did not exist.
This sounds a bit off-piste for a HCP..... any other sweeping generalisations they made about other countries?
I’d like to see the facts that support this statement.

SpudUDontLike · 30/04/2019 10:08

You poor thing! At 9 weeks that does sound like a lot of getting up in the night to me, no wonder you're shattered. I have twins and sometimes have to do the night shift on my own and they are 9 weeks and only getting up once in the night so my heart goes out to you.

No advice but just support for you and best wishes. I really hope your baby will start to go a bit longer between feeds soon.

Asiama · 30/04/2019 10:13

I really feel for you, I have the same issue but my baby is a bit older. It was terrifying when I suddenly woke up after falling asleep during a feed, to find my baby slipping out of my arms.

As others have said I would highly recommend looking at feeding while lying down. I used to co-sleep and would fall asleep after latching baby on, while he carried on feeding. Now he's a bit older I have him in my bedside crib with the side down, and when he wants to feed I move to the edge of the bed so he can latch on.

Hotterthanahotthing · 30/04/2019 10:19

I was the same many years ago .I just put the cot up next to the bed so she couldn't fall,fed her on my side of the bed and popped her in a growbag on top of my duvet.I sometimes got cold shoulders but that woke me up enough to pop her back in her cot.All I could to was try to be safe.She is 15 now.

gamerchick · 30/04/2019 10:22

Ideally just repeating PP you need the bed to yourself and set it up for safe co sleeping so you can nurse lying down

PrincessDanae · 30/04/2019 11:19

Out of curiosity, how did those who co-slept stay warm at night? I can't imagine getting any sleep without a duvet....

Celebelly · 30/04/2019 11:25

I think I'd see a doctor. It doesn't sound quite normal to me. If you're getting decent sleep overnight (a couple of wake ups lasting 5-10 mins isn't really that awful at 9 weeks!) and not feeling that tired during the day, then it seems odd to me that you are falling asleep with no warning signs, mid activity (while winding her for example) and without realising you are feeling tired.

gamerchick · 30/04/2019 11:25

I used a single quilt on the double bed and wore a warm accessable long sleeved pj top.

LuckyKitty13 · 30/04/2019 11:26

I wear legging/pj bottoms, sleep bra or no bra, vest top and open cardigan but tucked in at the back, socks! Then I use a pure wool cellular blanket just wrapped around my legs (no higher than hips). Heating on 18 degrees overnight. Baby just in sleepsuit and nappy. Occasionally I wake cold in the early hours, but not often.

TeenTitans · 30/04/2019 11:27

The no duvet was one thing I never understood about co sleeping either. I can't sleep without a cover.

gamerchick · 30/04/2019 11:29

But you can have a duvet, just not pulled to your chin and when you're that sleep deprived with a new baby you do sleep. Just use something to cover your shoulders to keep warm.

TeenTitans · 30/04/2019 11:30

Gamer I personally can't sleep unless I'm cocooned like a caterpillar so wouldn't be been able to do that lol.

kaytee87 · 30/04/2019 11:34

I'd have thought that safe co-sleeping was safer than a snuzpod? I thought I read somewhere that they're not safe.

You need to try and feed lying on your side with no pillows or duvet. Could you sleep in a sleeping bag pulled down to under your boobs? Can your husband sleep elsewhere for the time being?

Celebelly · 30/04/2019 11:36

Snuzpods are just bedside cribs. You might be thinking of Sleepyheads.

Jinglejanglefish · 30/04/2019 11:37

It took 5 seconds to Google that SIDS does exist in China and the lowest rates are in the Netherlands and Japan.

Tyrionsbitch · 30/04/2019 11:41

I was like this. I started to get out of bed for the feeds and sit in a chair in the nursery. The walk from our room to the nursery and then the lack of warm comfy covers was enough to keep me awake. I would then take her back to our room and pop her back into her snuzpod - I would drop back off quickly after that and it stopped me panicking that I had her in bed with me and waking with a start.

NotSoThinLizzy · 30/04/2019 11:41

When it was really bad for me and I can't co sleep and DS was up every 45 mins I would get up and sit in a hard chair with my feet in freezing cold water to help me stay awake. 😂 just make sure you have carpet rather than slippy floors

kaytee87 · 30/04/2019 11:41

Ignore me, I got a snuz pod confused with something else!

BertieBotts · 30/04/2019 11:44

Risk management of this situation means setting up your bed as a safe co-sleeping environment whether you want to co-sleep or not. Co-sleeping is a much safer alternative to sitting up and feeding.

You are 80% of the way there with the snuzpod :) So the next steps you want to do are finding out the side-lying breastfeeding position, lie on your side facing her cot to feed her, lie her on her side facing you. If she is in a sleeping bag, just tuck your own duvet behind you. You can have it over your legs, if you want. You might want to wear long sleeve, button front pyjamas - I find this the best combo for warmth and access. Use the arm under you to create a barrier between your baby and your pillow. This also prevents you from rolling over. Lastly bend your upper leg and point it towards the cot, so you're sort of in the recovery position apart from that one last arm, which you can use to hold the duvet down or rest on your baby's back.

At first you will probably only be able to feed from the lower breast this way, but you'll soon work out how to tilt and adjust angles to feed from both.

To those saying "I can't sleep without XYZ" - it's irrelevant - OP doesn't need to sleep all night that way. She just needs to feed that way, in case she falls asleep during feeding. When she wakes up, she can move her DD into the cot and arrange the covers and pillows however she likes to go back to sleep herself.

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