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Original poster

My babies died and it finally hit home

75 replies

Squiff70 · 29/04/2019 23:46

I'm sorry to bring this to chat. It probably belongs on the pregnancy loss boards but they're so quiet and (thankfully) few people post there.

I lost my twin son and daughter, 19 weeks into the pregnancy, on 6th January this year. Until now it has been matter-of-fact as I think I've been in total shock and in a permanent dissociative state about it. I went into labour and had to deliver them naturally.

Tonight I've been inconsolable. I've been crying for hours. My DP is at work on a night shift and most of my friends are very much of the 'it happened - move on' mentality. The ones who're most supportive aren't answering messages because they're busy. I can't call my parents. I tried to ring Sands but they are closed until tomorrow.

We've just had our first cycle TTC again but I've made it clear to DP that although I feel ready to try again, I don't want forget our son and daughter or deny they existed. They were very much wanted and loved and I am trying to find a way through this insurmountable grief and sadness.

Please don't feel obliged to reply. I just appreciate you reading this.

OP posts:
Faultynewboiler · 29/04/2019 23:47

I’m so sorry for your loss.

wlv12 · 29/04/2019 23:48

I’m so sorry that your babies died OP. It must have been heartbroking.
Did you give them names?

Jeezypeepers · 29/04/2019 23:49

I’m so sorry 😰. What about your parents, could you get in touch with your mum or any other family? It’s rotten to want some support and a big cuddle and to be on your own Flowers

LorelaiRoryEmily · 29/04/2019 23:49

I’m so sorry for your loss opFlowers

TheABC · 29/04/2019 23:50

Another one here to hold a hand. You will never forget them: you just learn to give it a space in your heart.

I wish you well in your future TTC.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 29/04/2019 23:50

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers
Talk away to us, we'll listen/read.

Milkywayfan · 29/04/2019 23:51

I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t really know what to say but didn’t want you to feel no-one out here. Hopefully others along shortly who will know what to say better. It must be very hard.

willyougobacktobed · 29/04/2019 23:52

I am so sorry OP. We are here to listen to you xx

MoreCookiesPlease · 29/04/2019 23:52

My heart broke reading this, OP. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Are you able to call a family member over to sit with you for a while? Your mum, maybe?
Sending you lots of love.

PawPawNoodle · 29/04/2019 23:54

You are incredibly brave and dignified, and I'm so sorry that you aren't able to get the support you need from those close to you right now. One of the worst things about grief, trauma and loss is the complete unpredictability of it.

I wish you the best of luck, and truly wish you all the best.

Original poster
Squiff70 · 29/04/2019 23:54

Thank you so much. Yes, we did give them names. We had to have a funeral for them too. The post mortems revealed they both died of placental abruption. They were otherwise healthy and perfectly formed - which makes it all the more cruel because we lost two perfect babies for no reason (or reasons unknown to us).

OP posts:
MoreCookiesPlease · 29/04/2019 23:54

Im sorry, I just read that you can't call your parents. You'll get some support here, OP. Big hugs.

BentCoppers · 29/04/2019 23:55
Flowers
BattenburgIsland · 29/04/2019 23:56

That is so so sad Flowers I cannot imagine what you are going through. It must be so hard with the summer coming and having thought they would now be here with you to enjoy it for the first time.... its indescribably sad. Did they have names?
Xxx

Bodear · 29/04/2019 23:59

OP, I’m so sorry for the loss of your babies. X

viques · 30/04/2019 00:06

I'm so sorry for your loss, it must be the hardest thing in the world not to have your beautiful babies, whatever happens in the future you will always be their mum, the time they spent inside you they will have heard your voice and felt your heartbeat and that bond is yours forever.

I hope you were able to spend some time with them to tell them how much you love them.

Harebel · 30/04/2019 00:07

So sorry to hear this it's very very sad. I understand and no of course you won't ever forget about your twins. Take all the time and do what you need to get through this. Thanks

Tavannach · 30/04/2019 00:09

I am so sorry for your loss. Flowers

M3lon · 30/04/2019 00:10

Horrible though it feels to be in floods of tears, its real progress in your grieving, and so much better than the numbness that proceeded.

I'm so sorry you had this terrible experience.

Do tell us their names if you want to.

NeverSayFreelance · 30/04/2019 00:10

I'm so sorry, OP. Maybe it's the emotions of TTC that are bringing up these feelings. Just remember that it's perfectly natural to grieve. Thanks

mrsfollowill · 30/04/2019 00:11

Flowers so sorry - don't think you should feel you should 'get over it'- take your time to process what has happened x

littlecabbage · 30/04/2019 00:12

Squiff70 I'm so sorry Flowers

beeyourself · 30/04/2019 00:13

I'm so sorry OP. I lost twins st 23w. It never goes away, what you're feeling is very normal. Did you get photographs/keepsakes?

Unihorn · 30/04/2019 00:17

I just wanted to say how sorry I am. We lost a baby also. Because it happened around Christmas we bought a new angel for our Christmas tree that I treasure more than anything. We went on to have two beautiful girls and I really hope you come back in a few years' time with a similar story.

ReanimatedSGB · 30/04/2019 00:18

Oh love, so sorry this happened.They will always be with you, in a way, but it will hurt less as the years pass.