Do you tidy your teenagers bedroom ?

[LostInAction]

If it gets to the point where the mess/dirt/smell etc is affecting other members of the family?

I’d left it and left it. Things got to the point where it was foul it was becoming a health hazard. Spent HOURS and less than 24 hours later it’s a mess again what am I meant to do. This was the first time I’d given in but I was genuinely worried for the rest of the family as it was disgusting not to mention I don’t want a whole room / carpet/ furniture etc ruined so had to intervene

My two boys room was the same - they are ten and 14. I was unwilling to do anything as felt they were old enough too, plus it was their stuff. they bring home lots of stuff from boot sales and the like.

Finally did a one off clear out and then we put stuff back together and told them they need to keep it habitable. They seemed a bit overwhelmed by it as did I.

It's up to them to keep it habitable, now, though.

I don't understand why you allow this. This is your home, you make the rules, and you certainly aren't doing your child any favours allowing them to live like that. They keep their room clean or they suffer the consequences. A teenager is more than capable of keeping their room fairly tidy.

Ah, I see you said you already spend hours and it is back again. In that case would get them to sort it perhaps. It's unfair for you to keep doing it. Or leave it.

I don't usually but no food allowed in. Occasionally I may if it suits me, last time I did it because DD16 offered me £10, only took an hour once I got down to it! Basically her mess, close the door. But no food.

It’s not through choice we have repeatedly asked and asked ‘please bring cups down etc’ that didn’t happen so we banned food upstairs but she did it anyway when we were at work
‘Bring your washing down please’ was ignored so I stopped doing it
That has resulted in a damp mouldy festering pile of towels and clothes and I’ve said I will not do her washing now she has to do it so she just buys new clothes instead

No I don’t. But they don’t have carpets in their room. They have laminate. Younger one is v messy so now he has to spend 5 minute bursts a couple of times a week. Older one is tidier.
Maybe you could discuss what minimum standards are eg Wednesdays are plate and cup removal day, alternate Tuesdays are hoovering. Etc. Lower your expectations but room should not smell. Take a photo when it is tidy so teen can see what is expected for the once a/bi monthly big tidy up.

Mine has dyspraxia which makes for even more mess. It’s gross. However, he has to do it. He’s currently on day 3 of cleaning. He knows there will be no money or lifts from me till it’s fit for habitation.

How old is she?

How old is your child? Do you pay pocket money/for their mobile contract etc? I'd remove privileges like that until it's tidy to your standards. I'd maybe clean it alongside them the first time so they can see where I want it to get to, to be considered an acceptable standard.

I just don’t know what to do as we have rules but they are ignored.
Punishments are hard to enforce as she doesn’t seem to care and seems to find a way round it all like the food upstairs she just does it when we aren’t here I dot know what to do

17 and has ASD but I know this isn’t behind it as she can do many things if she WANTS to this just seems to be teenage laziness

Ds's 17+15 do own rooms.

Dd's 13+12 need nagged. Financial - or removal of - usually does the trick.

No pocket money but she has a Saturday job

Pocket money stopped when things got bad but it hasn’t bothered her at all she wasn’t a big spender now it seems to be clothes to replace what hasn’t been washed

Yes. I check it every day and if it's not clean and tidy I go in and put it back in order. It's a ploy on my part to teach DD that she wants her room to be private then she must keep it fit for human habitation. And it seems to be working. Whereas I used to go in six or so days a week I'm now down to about three.

Absolutely not, his responsibility completely and it will be a cold day in hell before I tidy up after a nearly 18 year old yes of course I do, I collet mugs and run the hoover round then leave clean sheets out to remind him to change the bed

The only thing I can see that may work is the loss of privacy if I carry on from now keeping her room tidy as she want keen if been in there
Tbh I can easily turn a blind eye to certain things she may not want me to see but she doesn’t know that I’m wondering if I go in there daily and tidy / clean to keep in top of it she may actually dislike that and do it herself it’s something I haven’t tried yet?

Yes I do. It takes about 5 mins most days.
Anything for an easy life. I had the arguments etc now things are a lot calmer.

Strike out fail

Cross post macavity! I think is the only way to go re privacy !

Removal of mobile phone?

What other privileges does she have that she values?

By tidying I mean taking dirty dishes. Hanging up wet towels and picking clothes off the floor for her to sort and vacuuming. I don't organise her room etc.

I also make her bed and change sheets etc.

I don't go into my boys' rooms uninvited at all, it's their private space. They're 14 and 16. They are responsible for keeping their rooms habitable, their definition of habitable differs somewhat from mine but I wouldn't tolerate a stench or rotting food and I do expect them to bring washing down (with regular nagging). They both operate a "floordrobe" and neither of them can be arsed to make a bed in the morning, but much as I would prefer it to be otherwise I wouldn't go in while they're out and do it for them - they would hate that and I think they are old enough to live with some of their own choices.