Do you tidy your teenagers bedroom ?

[LostInAction]

If it gets to the point where the mess/dirt/smell etc is affecting other members of the family?

I’d left it and left it. Things got to the point where it was foul it was becoming a health hazard. Spent HOURS and less than 24 hours later it’s a mess again what am I meant to do. This was the first time I’d given in but I was genuinely worried for the rest of the family as it was disgusting not to mention I don’t want a whole room / carpet/ furniture etc ruined so had to intervene

Yep. Every single day. It takes me five mins as it's always immaculate. Kids go mad at me because they'll put something down and if I consider it rubbish, I'll spirit it away

In seriousness, these are rooms in my house and I like to know they're clean, dusted, hoovered and free of rubbish. I could never ever just close a door on it. I'm pretty house proud though and just do a quick sweep every day. It's no big deal for me

Dd's room (15 yrs) is not too bad given that it is in desperate need of renovation. She keeps it relatively tidy (mouldy cups and plates not allowed) but I do get annoyed from time to time when she doesn't put laundered clothes away properly or allows the waste paper basket to overflow). She gives it a good sort about three or four times a year. It is deep cleaned once a month by cleaner and DD gives it a light dust and hoover roughly once a week in between.

If my DD didn't want me to though, I would leave it and take privileges away - monthly allowance and phone if she left it in a state, but, she likes the maid service.

My ds 14 is completely disinterested but will do things I specify like go and get all your pots now or put all the rubbish in the bin now. I sometimes sort his clothes out as it takes 2 mins on the way downstairs. dd 12 does hers herself, though I offer to put the same time in as I do for ds, she says she doesn’t mind. Ds also needs reminding about hair washing etc. Great at doing homework though. I don’t want to nag him too much.

My dd is 23 and has asd and is like this. It is a thing for asd people often. It's not as straight forward as laziness. It does drive me batty and I've tried all different ways to help dd but it's not working yet. She's just not bothered. If I say "well we have to do lots of things that we're not bothered about in life" it becomes a extra thing to add to her low self esteem. It's very difficult to get it right. It's so bad right now that it will be a massive task that will need consistent dedicated time to sort. Generally speaking she's not effected by "consequences" either. She knows I won't chuck her out right now.

I think people with non asd children will not get this and likely sling accusations of "bad parenting" but that's from a perspective of not having a clue, I'm afraid.

She’s always been disorganised but the level of mess and dirt is just awful I had to really scrub and clean and throw away a lot of mouldy stuff yet she can make sure she is immaculate and clean and dressed nicely smells nice etc but her room is disgusting I don’t Understand

tobee I get it. I also have an ASD child, she is 12. Tidying up is a real problem for her. She doesn't like it too tidy, she likes her belongings around her, she has some sort of 'system'. So if I move things she gets upset. And she never puts clothes away, 'put your clothes away' is just too vague for her and I don't always have the energy to say 'put these t-shirts in your cupboard on the 2nd shelf' etc. Takes me a few minutes to sort the basics for her.

But TBH I also tidy a bit in my older dds' rooms. Middle one is doing GCSEs soon and is under a lot of pressure. I don't think it's pandering to them or spoiling them to do a few jobs to make their lives easier, I see it as teaching them kindness. And they appreciate it too.

Lostinaction would she care about losing her phone? Most teens would! She gets it back when room is clean?

Remove the door to her bedroom - lack of privacy might be a boost ;-)

I have teens, one asd, the other currently being assessed. Their rooms are rank. But they can find their stuff. If i go in, all hell breaks lose. We have other things to argue over, i chose to pick my battles. I am a single parent, i work, i keep the rest of the house and garden decent. i don't stress over it.

It's difficult because before I had an asd dc I thought asd people would have a hugely over tidy room, wanting to be in control etc. But no. It's not helped that the I'm naturally messy and work to overcome this. Occasionally I get through with a sort of "this might make you feel better about yourself in that you did something you don't want to do" but it doesn't really last. Just have to weigh up how important/useful it is in life. And I keep changing my mind!

Turn off WiFi till its done.

I remove plates, towels etc and change the sheets once a fortnight. She does tidy for the cleaner though so it’s not generally too bad.

No food or drinks other than water upstairs.

Carry own dirty laundry to the utility room every Sunday if not more regularly.

Put own clean washing away.

The rest is up to them, live in a pig sty or something from an interior design magazine or anything in between.

No food and drink except water upstairsever is an absolutely essential set in stone houserule (which dh I follow too) and remove dirty laundry once per week minimum. Stick to that and openning the window for a while after school each day and it shouldn't smell.

I don't understand why people think they have to allow food and drink in bedrooms, it's asking for mould and bad smells and insect infestation and mice and just creates a problem which need never occur.

Teen DD's room is beautiful, the boys' rooms are messy but not smelly or unpleasant because of the couple of house rules.

Teenagers are naturally foul, it's just how they operate! As far as I'm concerned mess/clutter/disorganisation, let them get on with it, but dirt/mouldy food/rotting towels are not on. In the nicest possible way OP you need to grow a backbone! There will be something that motivates your daughter - find out what it is and use it to your advantage! In most teenagers it's the internet. Change the wi-fi password, sit her down and explain the reasons why it's important to keep her bedroom hygienic, and that when she's shown you she can she'll be rewarded with the privileged of sharing the household wi-fi. If she loves animals discuss that if mice are attracted to food left lying around they will need to be exterminated, which is cruelty she'd want to avoid. Talk about how wet towels on the floor will encourage mould to grow, and the health impacts that can have. Show her pictures of mould spores magnified. Similarly show her pictures of dust mites to educate her on the need to vacuum.

Give her solutions too. If she leaves rubbish on the floor, buy her a bedroom bin, maybe an open topped one with a basketball hoop above it so she gets a kick out of literally throwing stuff away. Make sure there's a specific place her bathtowel belongs, a rail that hooks over the radiator in her bedroom perhaps - if she's arty maybe she could paint and decorate the rail (look into it to make sure it'd be safe when it gets warm, and wouldn't give off fumes or transfer the colour onto damp towels!) Buy a stick vacuum specially for her bedroom. Being expected to walk downstairs and carry the heavy household vacuum up, just for a few crumbs, seems beyond unreasonable to a teen. Besides which a stick vacuum shows the exact dirt they've hoovered immediately so there's a sense of achievement.

Reward her when she does keep on top of it. If she can keep her room chaos within reasonable limits (not spotless and organised, just not despicable!) for 2 weeks she can have a sleepover, for example.

No, shes responsible for her own room. To be fair shes quite good and its fairly presentable most of the time. She chucks her washing down and sometimes i do it but usually she does. I did go up there this morning and take 2 towels and 2 glasses out though. She does absolutely nothing else around the house though.

Yes I clean dd's room weekly, don't really tidy it as it's never a mess as she brings any plates and cups down as soon as she has finished, puts all laundry in basket and empties waste bin daily.I put clean clothes away when I have ironed like I do for everybody here. I change her bedding and vacuum and polish each week. If I'm cleaning upstairs it would drive me mad to leave one room untouched tbh.

no.
dc1 is pretty tidy though, even hoovers his room himself (mind you dog sleeps in there so it gets dog hairy)
dc2 is a nightmare.
dc3 isn't a teen, but is similar to dc2!

But if there is anything unacceptable, I stand in the doorway and say - take your dirty dishes downstairs now please. I ignore all flouncing and stand and wait, if it is too long, she has to hand in the phone until it is done. Her room, to be fair is rarely dirty, just very messy. (this is dc2)

Over Easter there was an enforced proper deep clean. I took away her phone, each day and she had to do one bit, working for an hour. So first day - all clothes removed from floor. That raised the issue that her chest of drawers was stuffed full, so, day 2, one drawer at a time, empty it and only put back what fits and needs to be kept, she had 3 bags, charity shop, recycling and rubbish. She had to do one hour every day. It took the whole holidays, but we got there. As she cleared each bit, she had to clean it too (so dust bookshelves etc)

I do not and will not pick up dirty dishes and wet towels, I do however make them do it.

One thing I have noticed is if I say 'tidy your room' it is an overwhelming task. If I say now, this one job, clear your desk and wipe it down, or put all the clothes away, then she does it (underprotest)

After the big clean, she is actually enjoying having a room that has been sorted out, and is making more of an effort.

I don't know what you can do about her ignoring your no food in the bedroom rule though LostInAction - DD broke it once when she had a friend over, trying to play it cool and not admit she wasn't allowed, but I was really cross about the sneakiness and she hasn't done it again since.

and since they were about 5, the rule has been, if it isn;t in the laundry basket, I don't wash it.
Then they have to get their school clothes ready on Sunday night, and if they haven't got any clean clothes I show them how to work the washing machine.

I sound harsh, but really, it is just putting systems in place, I shout out - I'm doing the washing have i got your school trousers, and they come rushing out of their room with the forgotten uniform etc.

I do think that the more they are waited on, the less they do. But then I will be really nice about getting them breakfast etc, because I know they struggle in the mornings.

That reminds me, when dd was in Halls at university, she kept her room reasonably tidy because a cleaner would come in once a week. So an external (as in not me telling her) deadline worked.

sorry, I missed the ASD bit.
I think I would make it a joint task every week. Maybe a list of what has to be done?

I have a teen with ASD whose room is an absolute tip, like pp she seems to feel comfortable with her stuff all around her.
We are fortunate to have a cleaner once a week so house rule is that rooms must be tidied before the cleaner. That means I can ignore what happens in between times.

Three teens. One is very tidy. Of the other two one has ASD.
I go in and open their windows daily to air the rooms. Apart from that they chose to live in a pig sty.

I do tidy their rooms
Suppose I never really stopped
Occasionally get them to do specific things eg strip bed,empty bins
They have a lot on at school etc