Was I rude to sit in the car?

[Florencenotflo]

Dd - 3y/o is asleep in the back of the car. We're going out with an elderly relative for lunch. Dd has only been asleep for 10 mins but needs at least half hour to make it through lunch without a tantrum.

We're at relatives house purposely early to see other people who have popped in (DH's cousin). DH has gone in and says it looks rude that I'm sitting in the car with dd.

I can't see Dd or even the car from relatives flat (car parked at the front), flat is at the back, so I'd have to keep popping out anyway. We're parked on a road not a drive or car park. Plus if we locked the car and Dd woke up she's set the alarm off, probably scaring the life out of her.

I wouldnt have left her in the car but I do think it seems a wee bit precious not just to wake her up.

Not rude at all.

I would have come out for a chat and brought you a drink.

Those saying to get dc up I don’t think know how dreadful a tired grouchy child can be.

And a biscuit would be crumbled up and thrown on the floor whilst haveing a screaming fit.

Why is she still in need of a nap EVERY day?

Why do some people need 8 hours of sleep when others get by on less than 6?

I would say it's far more dangerous to leave a 3 year old asleep alone in a car, with their penchant for pressing buttons and climbing, than a baby. My DD napped every day until she was 4 when she dropped to every other day. She likes sleeping.

I'd have taken her in and put her on relatives bed to nap while you caught up with them.

Not rude at all. I would do the same with my own 3 year old

Under one, I'd definitely do the same. Over one, I'd probably wake them up, but depends on the time of day/if they were ill/teething. My just turned 2 year old rarely naps these days so if she does fall asleep in the car I have no issues with waking her up. My eldest was the same and rarely napped after 2yrs, so I don't understand the importance of a 3 year olds nap? Does she go to preschool? Surely she doesn't nap there? I can see why the family might be a bit upset as they probably want to see you/dd and like most, don't understand why she needs a nap at her age... But then again every child is different and you know her best. X

Yes definitely rude, she’s 3. Surely she can cope without a nap just for a day?

She is 3!! Why is she still in need of a nap EVERY day

Because - shock horror - not all children are the same and not all adults are the same. Just as adults have different sleep patterns - some need far more/less sleep than others - some are larks, some are owls - some children drop their naps much later than others. My first dropped his naps just before he was two. My just turned three year old naps every day. They are just different people.

*Yes definitely rude, she’s 3. Surely she can cope without a nap just for a day?8

Probably - just like you could do without sleep for just one night. But you'd feel crap for it, and a crap, on edge 3 year old probably isn't an ideal lunchtime companion.

I don't have kids and I wouldn't think that was rude at all. Would probably bring you a cup of tea and a biscuit. Personally if baby needs a sleep they get to sleep. I'm sure the parents understood.

She is 3!! Why is she still in need of a nap EVERY day

Stupid question don't you think?

Why not?

My DCs (two of them) napped till they started school.

I’m lol at some of these responses. Not getting why parents sit in the car with toddlers because they have a 10 month old. As if it’s possible to compare the two! Suggestions of taking the child out to nap in the house. My dd often woke up when the car engine turned off and certainly wouldn’t have been ok to move. And the best - no understanding that some children still need a daily naps at 3. Newsflash! Some children don’t drop their naps before they reach school age. Some schools let shattered reception aged children nap on makeshift mattresses / bean bags in the classroom.

In this situation YANBU at all. Or rude. Ideally parents should schedule their time wherever possible so that they don’t arrive somewhere at / just before nap time. A half hour nap is less predicable than a 2 hour one I would have thought although a pp said their children invariably fell asleep shortly before reaching their destination so I can’t say that for sure either. No way would I wake a child up when they need the nap to get them through the day.

Not rude at all - unless your husband didn't explain it very well. Also - he could have offered to watch for the second half of the nap while you went up and said hello.

I'm jealous my DD gave up all naps at 18 months. I was so envious of my friends who had nap time options with their kids well into their 2s and 3s.

I don't think its rude. You know your child best and since you wanted to go for lunch and was thinking about that, I think its fine. Surely family will understand?

Not rude at all. Your husband didnt explain it well, obviously.

Yes definitely rude, she’s 3. Surely she can cope without a nap just for a day?

Oh FFS. Why should a 3 year old be subject to demands to "cope"?

And of course it's not rude at all to deny another human being their need to sleep.

Very weird priorities with people clutching their pearls about manners, when any reasonable person would be happy to let a small child nap whenever they need to.

YANBU

Oh god sit in the car and read a book or play on phone, waking them early is just such a nightmare...

Not even slightly rude.

If a 3yr can’t cope with lunch at 12 and temper tantrums without a nap .........

How does she cope at nursery. Do they sleep before lunch or surely every lunch would be hell

Why didn’t they nap after lunch 130/2 if so tired

If they have to have a sleep then leave earlier so has their 30mins

Tho if only 20mins waiting in car then it’s not too bad

She is 3!! Why is she still in need of a nap EVERY day

I'm 39 and still need a nap everyday...

Lunch with elderly relative is a relatively difficult thing for a 3yo to do - probably involves waiting for food and sitting nicely while others finish ... not things my 3yo finds easy. Very different to low pressure nursery lunch which is over quickly and requires limited patience because it's set up for 3yos!

As for gaming nap times - in my dreams! If I really want one of the children to nap in the car, they either won't or wait until 10 minutes to destination. If I don't need them to nap, they're generally asleep before I've got my seatbelt on and started the car!

I would perhaps have sent DH ahead to find a space for a sleeping child to be quietly laid down so he could finish his nap. If that couldn't be done I don't see what option you had. It is a bit rude though.

*Oh FFS. Why should a 3 year old be subject to demands to "cope"?

And of course it's not rude at all to deny another human being their need to sleep.

Very weird priorities with people clutching their pearls about manners, when any reasonable person would be happy to let a small child nap whenever they need to*

Absolutely this!

Last time my DD did this my mil bought me out a cuppa and sat with me.