I would like some advice and support please.

[Harleyisme]

I have a son whos 5 has suspected autism.
I have struggled to toilet train him.
He has been given an appoinment now in the bowel and bladder team in july. School arent happy they want the appoinmnet now. Senco even joked at the fact hos ecg and heart appoinmnets came though quickly and that its funny how the class his heart more important than his toileting .
Before easter his teacher was getring fustrted in the fact he doesn't even communicate when his nappy needs changing. They also requested me to send in more spare trouser as he was ending up leaking and having to put his pe pants on.
Fast forward to tuesday and the latest meeting with the senco. They said before Easter he was having dry nappies and 1 to 2 wees a week on the toilet ( He tries to wee on toilet at nappy changes). That they think we should push him to be out of nappies. I refuse as he doesn't show any awareness of knowing and we still continue to do what we have been doing. They go about getting him to sit on toilet and reward for that but the thing is he has no issues of sitting on the toilet or being near it or trying. He will often refuse to try at home after trying ar school but alot is around fistration and he gets upset saying things like my tail ( what he calls his penis) failed me.
When he is without nappy he will squeeze the end of his penis and his penis then swells up with the wee building up he doesnt seem to stop it internally of that makes sense.
The school have made it clear they arent happy they have had to take 2 extra members of staff on the zoo trip to meet my sons needs. The school have never dealt with a child in year in nappies either.
They are now wanting my sons homestart worker to try training him as they say he doesnt do it as i am wrapped my little thing as hes a mummys boy. Thing is i have 3 children all boys and the eldest has autism adhd and anxiety and still manged to toilet train and my youngest toilet trained at 2. My 5 year old is the only one i haven't manged to do it with.
School nurse and the child and well being team say we should wait till july and see wahts going on first as i have proved with my other 2 its not me. School won't listen and want to do it regardless.

Bump

The school are pushing it to free up staff, end of
You are right to wait to see the B & B team in July, they are the experts
I really feel for you, its hard

You need to see it from both sides, they see progress and wonder if you are following through - they don't know you after all. I assume he's at least in pull ups so he can take himself? My dd was 5 when she was sort of dry, she has asd, but we went down the reusable training pants route with school and with lots of encouragement and a strict 90 mins schedule the accidents lessened but wasn't dry completely until she went on meds, but she feels no urge to go, not even now as an adult. Try the training pants if you haven't already, might work

No not in pull ups as they don't hold him he is completely incontinent.
Its like today hes had poo in his bum at change time so they sat him in toilet and as he said dropped out.
Our issue isnt his unwillingness to use the toilet sit on the toilet put underwear on its him not knowing when he needs to know. We try asking trying evey hour or so during the day he will comply a little but becones very fustrated when he doesnt hes unbale to do it or ends up keep getting wet. School do know all this they have had cinformarion of all this from our gp and hv whose passed all these details over to the school nurse too.