Sex in shower disaster (tmi) lighthearted why is it never like in novels

[Driftingthoughlife]

Me and hubby have been trying to spice up sex life and I have been trying to get DH to take a bit more of a lead
So on holiday when DS in the kids club we decide to have a bit of adult time
DH grabs me and pulls me into the shower as things are heating up and then a series of disasters.
I try to seductively move my lips down his body and end up catching the shower handle with my arse and turning the shower boiling hot. So we are both yelping and DH manages to turn it down.

DH while trying to masterfully push me up against the wall catches the shower handle again and turns the shower freezing cold. I dive out the shower and slip on the floor bang my knee and nose
End up sat on the bed holding a bloody nose soaking wet with DH trying to pat me dry saying sorry
A lot to be said for the bed I think

He occasionally has this thing where he blacks out if the blood rushes away from his head too fast.

How big is his dick???????

Both simply hilarious and made me laugh out loud.

Yeah if you are doing it, it's easier being taken from behind, but op your post gave me a good laugh 😂😂

Successful a long (long) time ago, when we were both very fit and flexible.

These days not so much... A comfy bed is fine by us.

Midsomer
I don't think it's to do with size.

😂😂😂 Sounds fun OP!

I bootyed my partner straight out the shower when i ahem bent over, first time i see a grown man fly!

The OP made me laugh so hard! We managed shower sex once or twice when young and fit - goodness knows how, because he's 12" taller than me. Actually, we used to be quite adventurous and find secluded spots outside quite a lot. But doing it in the woods is pretty uncomfortable, and in the middle of a field tends to make me sneeze, so we stick to the bed now.

@Comedic
Do you call that ‘Soggy Doggy’ ?

DH and I while dating had some fun in a shower room type thing and afterwards figured we would sneak back along the corridor quickly to our room. We opened the door to find the owner of the hotel just standing there right in front of the shower room door. [shocked]

We tried it once, after freezing ourselves hitting the shower control twice we finally seemed to get the positioning right... Then my elbow caught the shower door, which let a rush of cold air in, so DH pulled it shut sharply, but my little toe had been pressing against it and he slammed it shut on my foot = badly broken toe & badly cut foot. The pain made me lose my balance = smacked forehead and burst nose.

I had to go to a&e because it needed stitched and had to tell the nurse exactly what actually happened because they sent DH outside and I was asked very kindly if everything was ok or did I want to talk to anyone about anything at all and I realised they thought DH had deliberately hurt me.

Some of these have really made me

It’s nigh on impossible

Shower sex is very overrated. And dangerous

Yes quite. I take it under the 'elf and saftee act you did a full risk assesment and a written method stament?.

Well;?.

Oh this takes me back.
Lovely city break in Barcelonca with very nearly a literal break.. One of those showers that are above a bath in a very nice hotel. Slipped after trying a forward facing standing straddle.
Fell backwards with DH getting a right eyefull, and narrowly avoided breaking my neck by twisting and falling out of the bath, banging my elbow on the side enough to break the skin.
Blood everywhere. Massive cut and couldn’t bend my arm for a week or two.Zero dignity.
A bit of role play and filthy talk rather than physical innovations for us these days.

Ugh. Never enjoyed it. Nothing romantic or fun about it ... someone is always cold.

DP and I try shower sex.

For important context, I'm 5ft and hes nearer 6ft. He tried to bend me over in the shower. With out heights so mismatched I was on my tippy toes... with one thrust I collapsed face first into the tub in a unattractive naked heap.

Never. AGAIN.

its one them things that in the films looks good but in reality is a disaster waiting to happen

Good grief it’s a Friday and Mumsnet. Thank goodness you weren’t in Centre Parks could have been a ‘hole’ new level of discovery.

DH and I have had both good and disaster shower sex (together might I add)!

Good - honeymoon. Huge marble walk in shower with more than one shower head and a bench built in. Meant I could lean / support myself and DH could be quite, um, in charge

Disaster - in a hotel at a wedding. Spacious enough. I reached up to put my hand on the wall to support myself. Knocked my razor which fell and grazed my nipple on the way down. It didn't hurt but nipples bleed like a bugger and we both got a bit freaked out when we realised the water in the bottom was red!

We've given up on it now - bed or sofa is much better.

On the way up to dinner and one of the holiday reps has stopped I go ask why I am limping with my knee I said i slipped getting out of the pool and the reps wants me to show him were I did it in case there was a reason I slipped!!!!
DH is pissing himself laughing until I tell the rep I am in too much pain and DH will show him . Oh the web we weave

We’ve given up having sex in non-bedroom places. Honestly it’s just all a bit dissatisfying when you’re having to slightly crouch, hold on for grim death and then somehow waddle to the nearest bathroom afterwards. Oh and then you have to come back to the kitchen to tidy up all the shite that you knocked off the table when you thought doing it there would be just like the movies where they sweep it all off with their arm in some impassioned gesture. And you’ve got breakfast crumbs stuck to your arse cheeks despite breakfast being over several hours previous.

until I tell the rep I am in too much pain and DH will show him
I is likin' your style!

I shouldn't be reading this thread when I have a cracked rib. Bad bad idea. But it's so funny it's sort of taking my mind off the pain

I can take or leave shower sex, but bath sex is fab!

Bath sex
Another one time wonder here.

You need a suction foot rest. The reviews on Love Honey are mixed though. This was my favourite....😂

I actually didn't buy this for sex in the shower. We never enjoy sex in our showers. Too small, tiles are too cold, someone's stealing all the hot water. We save that for hotels showers. So anyway, I bought this for my wife for another reason.

We thought it would be really handy as a foot rest when shaving her legs in the shower, and well it worked great I'm told. Good suction to the tiles, doesn't slip and holds the leg up well.

So for that use it's been great. Can't comment on the sex side lol.

Bath sex!!
Worried we would get suck