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Original poster

Sex in shower disaster (tmi) lighthearted why is it never like in novels

94 replies

Driftingthoughlife · 19/04/2019 11:14

Me and hubby have been trying to spice up sex life and I have been trying to get DH to take a bit more of a lead
So on holiday when DS in the kids club we decide to have a bit of adult time
DH grabs me and pulls me into the shower as things are heating up and then a series of disasters.
I try to seductively move my lips down his body and end up catching the shower handle with my arse and turning the shower boiling hot. So we are both yelping and DH manages to turn it down.

DH while trying to masterfully push me up against the wall catches the shower handle again and turns the shower freezing cold. I dive out the shower and slip on the floor bang my knee and nose
End up sat on the bed holding a bloody nose soaking wet with DH trying to pat me dry saying sorry
A lot to be said for the bed I think

OP posts:
HotChocolateLover · 19/04/2019 16:06

We’ve never worked out the logistics of standing up sex as he’s 6’3’’ and i’m 5’’. Makes it quite difficult. Well done for trying OP.

iklboo · 19/04/2019 16:07

taller not taller. He doesn't have a penchant for conversing with my tootsies.

iklboo · 19/04/2019 16:07

OFFS I give up Hmm

cstaff · 19/04/2019 16:09

Ah OP thanks for that. Glad I'm not in work today as I would have made a show of myself exploding with giggles. Too funny Grin

cstaff · 19/04/2019 16:11

@iklboo So what does his foot talk about Grin

iklboo · 19/04/2019 16:13

@cstaff - sole music Grin

Butterymuffin · 19/04/2019 16:16

whoever wasn't directly under the showerhead just got cold

This

Acis · 19/04/2019 16:16

So how are you planning to explain the swollen nose and bruised knee, OP?

speakout · 19/04/2019 16:16

Sex in the shower is on the same list as

sex in the bath
sex on the beach
sex in the sea.

BluntAndToThePoint · 19/04/2019 16:26

I wouldn't recommend it on a sun lounger on the balcony whilst on holiday either - let's just say my husband is very lucky he didn't lose a few important body parts!

MitziTheTabbyIsMyOverlord · 19/04/2019 16:26

Agree one of you always gets cold.

Bastard DH deliberately turned the shower cold after we'd DTD. Can't think why I married him, actually.

ComedicCat · 19/04/2019 16:28

You need to put a big towel in tray, wet it so it doesn't slip, and it's best if he takes you from behind, standing doggy style, but you do need a big shower. If your in a static caravan then it will be tricky...

Alsohuman · 19/04/2019 16:31

It all sounds like a lot of hard work for nothing much @Comedic

DarlingNikita · 19/04/2019 16:31

DP and I did it once and he scared the life out of me by going pale and sliding down the wall mid-deed. Ended up with me freezing and shivering and crying as he apologised.

He occasionally has this thing where he blacks out if the blood rushes away from his head too fast. It's also happened when we ate a heavy dinner of burger and fries and then set off at a brisk walk to catch a train and all the blood was clearly in his digestive area. He slumped against a bin in the street. Grin

Omzlas · 19/04/2019 16:34

Fuck that. We tried it once and I agree with the PP who said that the one not under the shower just gets cold. Which leads to shrinkage. Hardly romantic! Give me a bed anytime, call me boring

ComedicCat · 19/04/2019 16:35

I enjoyed it at the time Alsohuman Wink
However, now I'm past fifty, a comfy bed is the only place for me.

flapjackfairy · 19/04/2019 16:37

Oh op and darling I am crying with laughter !

ALongHardWinter · 19/04/2019 16:37

iklboo Grin at Sole music.

thirdfiddle · 19/04/2019 16:40

GrinGrinGrinShock
Sorry, no experience but thanks for sharing OP, you're a good sport.

Babdoc · 19/04/2019 16:42

Duggiewoggle, your post about heather moorland brought back memories! 40 years ago DH and I, before we were married, visited his parents’ house on the moors. Getting desperate after two nights in separate bedrooms, we went off for “a nice walk on the moors” the next day.
Hiding in a dip in the heather, we were soon deep in the throes of passion, despite the drizzling rain.
Until we slowly became aware of a strange chomping noise.
Looking up, we found ourselves completely encircled by sheep, staring at us with rapt interest as they noisily chewed their mouthfuls of grass..it was a tad offputting!

bsc · 19/04/2019 16:44

Ahem, it's never really on the cards when your partner is 15" taller than you... Wink

ShadowHuntress · 19/04/2019 16:48

Dh and I tried to have shower sex once. After 10 mins faffing around trying to find a good position, we settled in but a combination of excitable ‘thrusting’ and my elbow moving, I managed to nudge the shower head hose and it fell on top of my head. Ended up with a nasty gash and mild concussion!

Faster · 19/04/2019 16:50

We tried it but DP isn’t enough taller than me so I to bend my knees. Didn’t work. Angles were all wrong.
Got on my knees and gave him a bit of oral, nearly drowned with the way the shower head was directing the water.
We dried off and had a cup of tea instead.

NotReadyForThisX2 · 19/04/2019 16:51

We've tried shower sex a few times with limited success. Him behind and me lent slightly forward with my hands on the wall works best, although don't go too vigorously or you end up cracking your head on the tiled wall (yep I speak from experience).

Other stuff in the shower is very good though Grin

MidsomerBurgers · 19/04/2019 16:51

He occasionally has this thing where he blacks out if the blood rushes away from his head too fast.

How big is his dick???????