Can’t cope with post pregnancy body

[SaltySeagull]

I can’t cope with the state of my body a year after pregnancy and c section. I’m covered in stretch marks and my tummy hangs like a jelly filled apron. Breastfeeding hormones are preventing me losing weight and I’m covered in psoriasis because I can’t use medication to control it while breastfeeding. None of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit so I live in leggings. I can’t motivate myself to do my hair and makeup because it just feels like papering over the cracks. I avoid friends because I’m embarrassed about my appearance. Last night DH and I booked a babysitter and went out - but I couldn’t cope with going into the town centre and seeing everyone looking attractive with nice bodies, and them seeing the state of me. We got halfway there and I was hysterical so we came home.

I only gained a couple of stone, within recommended guidelines, but somehow my tummy was huge. It’s stretched beyond all recovery. It’s constantly red and sore under my tummy flap. I can’t exercise or even run down the street because it flaps up and down painfully. I saw the doctor and she recommended a cream to stop the redness - because redness is the only problem with having a fucking flap hanging on your front!

The doctor said I’m obviously one of the unlucky ones who don’t lose weight by breastfeeding. Apparently all her other breastfeeding patients are literally skeletal and scoffing McDonalds in an effort to keep weight on. Why couldn’t that be me? She said I won’t lose weight until I stop feeding, which could be years. So I’m stuck being fat and hideous for god knows how long. And she also said if I lose weight it’ll just make my tummy flap even worse.

I’m angry and resentful. Plenty of other women have kids without looking like this afterwards. I know women who have multiple kids and flat tummies with no stretch marks. And literally everyone else has got skinny from breastfeeding. Why do I always get the shitty end of the stick? I have literally zero self esteem left and I don’t want to be in this body

Oh love, you sound so fed up and miserable.

Firstly I have no experience of psoriasis but have eczema and so does my toddler.
Child’s farm products really help with it, could you try some none medicated products to help your skin?

Secondly, a bit of tough love. Breastfeeding isn’t a magic bullet that just melts the weight off you.
So be honest with yourself, what are you eating, is your diet a good one or are you snacking a lot on sugary based food to combat the hunger that breastfeeding also causes?

You don’t have to be out running or hitting the gym to get some exercise in, a power walk with the pushchair will do you good. Anything where you get your heart rate up will be improving your fitness and the cardio will help too

I'm with you.

My stomach is hideous after number 2 and breastfeeding did nothing for me weight wise either.

My SIL was the same and she had surgery in the end.

Big Bridget Jones knickers are the way forward for future nights out. They do hide a multitude of sins.

I always thought the losing weight through breastfeeding was an urban myth, tbh.

The way to lose weight is through a healthy diet and exercise -that's the only thing that's going to work. So worth having an honest look at what you're eating - is there a lot of refined sugar and fat in your diet? And as a pp said, walking on a daily basis will keep you active without irritating your stomach too much.

You can use Dovobet whilst breastfeeding. I’ve used it since dd was 6 months old and had no issues at all. It clears my psoriasis up within a week to a reasonable standard so hopefully it does for you too!

I know how you feel. My youngest is 2 and I’ve had 2 c sections. I was just ravenous when breast feeding and made the decision to just give myself a break until I was ready to stop. It’s ok. I’ve stopped now, made a huge effort to lose a few stone, and even though my stomach is ...well, it leave a lot to be desired...it’s ok. I have had children. I didn’t bounce back, but I’m trying. I have found that simply sleeping better and eating well had helped so much as (although my stomach is an issue), my face and the rest of me looks normal again. I hope you start to feel better very soon and that your body recovers 😊.

I'm going to get flamed for this but would you consider stopping breastfeeding now? You wouldn't have to use formula, just cow's milk (if you're not vegan).

Have you considered finding time to go to the gym? No running etc, just weights and strength training? Gradually get stronger for you. Great for mental health. And pelvic floor. Bonus that your body will tone up. Join a gym with a good induction programme or personal trainers. That's what I did after my pregnancies and my goal was to get stronger and fitter and have some time alone, gradually I felt better in myself incidentally.

And perhaps follow some body positive instagram accounts instead and delete any social media that makes you feel worse about yourself

Oh I do feel sorry for you, it's a horrible feeling to not like your body.

The idea that you have a baby so nothing else should matter to you is unfair.

I hate to say it, but it sounds like you want to stop breast feeding so you can get 'you' back, and if you want to, that's ok. It's ok to put your own mental health first.

Your abdominal muscles are probably shot to pieces. Would you consider making time for some postnatal Pilates or similar - something that'll get your core muscles back up to strength? You'll need to be checked for diastasis recti, where the abdominal muscles are separated.

Losing weight may still leave you with a tummy flat but that might be addressed with skin removal surgery.

Losing weight will improve your appearance all over and boost your health.

Feeling well and with energy will help you deal/cope with things better.

I don’t know if there is underwear that can help with the chaffing or just make you feel more comfortable but it will help to make you as comfortable as possible even if they are knickers that come up to your chest!

I know you don’t want to bother with your hair and make up buy try and give it ago as it may make you feel better. No one can see your stomach but if someone compliments your hair then it will give you a boost to your self esteem.

I agree with the above that walking more is a good way to exercise and lose weight.

In the big scheme of things this is only a short period in your life and you will get your body back on track.

Well if its literally preventing you going into town without breaking down in the car in hysterics, then this is pretty bad. That's a really extreme reaction.

I also think breastfeeding should not be the hill your mental health dies on. Especially not after a full year when you're well on solids.

I was a big fat lump whilst breastfeeding. I was hungry all the time and pretty depressed and saw little point in restoring my poor body. Truthfully I didn't end up losing the weight even after I quit breastfeeding, I had to go to Slimming World, which did work, and quickly.

I think you need to consider putting your own life jacket on now, it's affecting your mental health. Maybe your stomach may be the last thing to sort, but it's a domino effect and you have to start somewhere.

Oh bless ya. Us women don't half take a battering in childbirth! Don't look at the overall picture. Steps. Aveeno works well for my eczema, have also heard good things about the child farm stuff (the name cracks me right up...i just imagine little toddlers mixing it with giant spoons). And another vote for pilates! Its gentle, but you'll get STRONG. Keep bf if you want, dont give up unless you want to. You can get fit and strong and in shape whilst doing it. And do do the little things to make you feel better. Hair and makeup etc if you wear it as it will help your overall motivation and feelings of confidence. And in the meantime, big suck you in knickers can help...at least in feeling less flappy when you move about. Your body has done an amazing thing. High fives!!! Celebrate it.

Hi op. I totally get it. I didn't lose my belly til ds was 3 ! Some wise ladies on here advised me to keep a food diary as i wasn't being honest with myself about the amount of food I was picking on .
Also my ds was the worst sleeper in the world and didn't sleep through til he was 2 so that didn't help with motivation.
Walking with Ds , going to the park , swimming etc was an easy form of activity I could fit in.
Finally, I threw out most of my pre pregnancy clothes and started buying for my new shape. Nothing worse than trying to wear clothes you used to look fabulous in ! With the best will in the world , your body will probably change forever. But that doesn't mean you can't wear great clothes

You'll need to be checked for diastasis recti
I’ve already been diagnosed with diastasis recti. Just another thing about which the doctor shrugged her shoulders and said “you’ve had a baby, it happens to a lot of women, there’s nothing I can do”.

Losing weight may still leave you with a tummy flat but that might be addressed with skin removal surgery
There’s absolutely no way I can afford that.

it sounds like you want to stop breast feeding so you can get 'you' back
I tried to stop. My child was hysterical and I was just criticised for making him cry by refusing to breastfeed.

The DR advice from your GP isn't right. I've not had kids but I follow a lot of women's fitness stuff. Have a look at Girls gone Strong & Katy Bowman might have blogged. I'll go look.

Oh you do sound very down. Breastfeeding didn't help me lose weight I kept hoping I'd be the thinnest I'd ever been but nope. Also unfortunately stopping didn't make me lose weight either. I only lose the lbs by watching what I eat. Exercise makes me feel better but that's it. I think there are exercises to help with the diastasis recti I'd sedifyou can referred to a physio for help. Also as hard as it is, having my hair and makeup done does make you feel better which in turn might help you to make other changes.

Ah, even the NHS says physio...

Post pregnancy body

Let the critics deal with the screaming kid then, frankly, your mental health sounds like you need a break.

Who criticised you?

Cos FUCK 'EM.

I'm only 12 weeks post c section but also feeling down about my body to the point I struggle to leave the house. I had lost two stone from my first pregnancy before ingot pregnant again and was finally feeling ok about myself for the first time in years and now I'm two stone overweight again and none of my clothes go near me. It's a horrible feeling. You're not alone, not all mums are glam and thin! Just seems like that! And the stuff about breastfeeding making you lost weight is total fallacy in my book, maybe for a few people but not for any of my friends. I formula fed my first so this is all new to me.

I lost the weight from my first on vlcd which obviously I can't do now as breastfeeding. I've given up dairy so eating pretty healthily as that cuts out white bread, cake, chocolate etc but still not really losing. I think it's eating carbs that keeps the weight on, even healthy carbs (I eat porridge with water and whole meal bread every day.) It's very difficult so please try not to give yourself a hard time. The baby won't be feeding forever, he may decide he's had enough tomorrow. Maybe make some plans about what you'll do when he stops, I've already got my diet lined up and it's making me feel a bit better.

I had child number 3 a few months before I was 40. As I didn't want to be fat and 40 I joined slimming world. You can follow it while breast feeding. I ate myself slim. It was fab. I still have a bit of a c section shelf. I just tuck it into my pants!!😂

I’ve already been diagnosed with diastasis recti. Just another thing about which the doctor shrugged her shoulders and said “you’ve had a baby, it happens to a lot of women, there’s nothing I can do”.

Whaaaaat? This is terrible advice from your doctor! Loads of women do have it, it is absolutely fixable through gradually strengthening your core (gradually, and no sit ups, worst exercise for it). If you have the money spare you could go to a good postnatal physio who would sort it out, if you don't, though, go on YouTube - loads of videos for gentle exercise that address DR. Or google maternity physio, she has some good blogs and very gentle exercises to do.

And I am totally with you, am a few months from having my third and I look and feel like a wreck. I felt like that after DCs 1 and 2 though, and it did get better. Agree with others, some gentle core/Pilates/strength exercising would be a great thing for you if you can find some time and headspace. YouTube has lots of good stuff.

If it was me I’d stop breastfeeding. I also breastfed all 4 of mine but didn’t start feeling like myself (physically and mentally) till I stopped feeding them.

I think you can self refer to an NHS physio, or could you afford private? Pregnancy does hit most bodies very hard. I had terrible DR after all mine and it was only after the 4th that my (different GP) said no, this can and should be treated and improved. I went to physio and got exercises etc and now a year on I have fixed that though still have a little mumtum I may always have.

Did you stop breastfeeding cold turkey or feed by feed?

There would have been loads of women fatter and with ‘worse’ bodies than you put in town. Lots of women find it difficult to adjust to their post-baby body, but it is well outside the normal spectrum to turn back half way from going to a night out because you’re hysterical. I think you need to go back to the Dr and discuss whether you have PND.