Can’t cope with post pregnancy body

[SaltySeagull]

I can’t cope with the state of my body a year after pregnancy and c section. I’m covered in stretch marks and my tummy hangs like a jelly filled apron. Breastfeeding hormones are preventing me losing weight and I’m covered in psoriasis because I can’t use medication to control it while breastfeeding. None of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit so I live in leggings. I can’t motivate myself to do my hair and makeup because it just feels like papering over the cracks. I avoid friends because I’m embarrassed about my appearance. Last night DH and I booked a babysitter and went out - but I couldn’t cope with going into the town centre and seeing everyone looking attractive with nice bodies, and them seeing the state of me. We got halfway there and I was hysterical so we came home.

I only gained a couple of stone, within recommended guidelines, but somehow my tummy was huge. It’s stretched beyond all recovery. It’s constantly red and sore under my tummy flap. I can’t exercise or even run down the street because it flaps up and down painfully. I saw the doctor and she recommended a cream to stop the redness - because redness is the only problem with having a fucking flap hanging on your front!

The doctor said I’m obviously one of the unlucky ones who don’t lose weight by breastfeeding. Apparently all her other breastfeeding patients are literally skeletal and scoffing McDonalds in an effort to keep weight on. Why couldn’t that be me? She said I won’t lose weight until I stop feeding, which could be years. So I’m stuck being fat and hideous for god knows how long. And she also said if I lose weight it’ll just make my tummy flap even worse.

I’m angry and resentful. Plenty of other women have kids without looking like this afterwards. I know women who have multiple kids and flat tummies with no stretch marks. And literally everyone else has got skinny from breastfeeding. Why do I always get the shitty end of the stick? I have literally zero self esteem left and I don’t want to be in this body

Wow all the people asking her to be honest about her diet. How sweet of you!!

OP I feel you. Breastfeeding can actually mean your body holds onto weight to make the milk. Fact! Well- as told by a doc anyway haha. When I stopped (which I did early for the exact same reason) the rest of mine dropped off because like you I WAS eating fine but still not dropping any weight.

Good luck honey, you will get there. And remember no one else sees you as fat, just a mega Mum!!

Mental health trumps breast feeding every time.

I'm an overweight breastfeeder. It's because I eat alot, not because I lactate. My weight is stable at about 3000kals a day.
I lost several stone with Slimming World between pregnancies, while breastfeeding.
How about finding a woman's health physio OP? My overhang plus the smell and skin problems associated with it are much improved by working on getting my core strength and muscles tone back. My abdominal muscles had separated and I was seriously down about how my body had been affected by my last pregnancy.

Lots of women find it difficult to adjust to their post-baby body, but it is well outside the normal spectrum to turn back half way from going to a night out because you’re hysterical. I think you need to go back to the Dr and discuss whether you have PND.

^this. Postnatal Pilates and Slimming World are great, but I think this is primarily a mental health issue, and needs addressed as such.

Please go and talk to your doctor about your mental health.

I stopped feed by feed. So moved some of the handy ones to a bottle first but keep the overnight feeds and a few nicer day ones (morning and evening, quiet times of the day).

The freedom was unbelievable.

To add, I took my baby to most of the physio appointments, he either sat in a bouncer, or I fed him while I was treated.

Just some solidarity really - I, too, am one of the unlucky breastfeeders who didn't lose weight - in fact, I GAINED! It's so shit especially as I had a couple of friends who had babies around the same time and the weight literally fell off them- one was actually slimmer than her pre-pregnancy weight in less than a month after giving birth. Another had to "force" herself to eat to get enough calories in. Meanwhile chubbs mcgee over here was flipping starving constantly and just had to smell a doughnut to gain 5lbs. Anyway, this is not really helpful but just wanted you to know you're not alone. I did notice that the weight did start to shift when DS stopped bf-ing at 18mo but I fell pregnant the next month with my second.

I can't tell you how much happier I was when I stopped breastfeeding at 9 months

but I couldn’t cope with going into the town centre and seeing everyone looking attractive with nice bodies

Blimey...where do you live? St Tropez, Cannes or somewhere equally as glamorous I take it?!

Please talk to your health visitor or another GP about your mental health and then a referral to physio for the diastasis recti.

I've had 2 sections and found pilates really helped both times especially as I'm another one who doesn't lose weight whilst breastfeeding.

Just coming in to say plenty of women, me included, don't start losing weight until after they've stopped breastfeeding. Nature's way of making sure the baby doesn't starve. And although it's not the same for everyone, for me the weight didn't start coming off for a good few months after I'd stopped feeding.

OP I totally get you. I am also avoiding friends and declining invitations out of embarrassment at the way I look.

I’m another one who didn’t lose weight breastfeeding. So many people told me it was a magic bullet and all my weight would just drop off because I would burn an extra 3 million calories a day but in reality my eating habits were horrendous post-baby because I was knackered and felt like shit and because breastfeeding in the early days made me ravenously hungry and I just kept eating loads for the next two years. I am having lots of success now with a low(ish) carb diet and calorie counting.

With the c section overhang, unfortunately there’s not much you can do beyond surgery. Mine is horrendous. It looks better when I’m not carrying several stones of extra weight (which I am working on...again) but it will always be there. I just think that the post-baby bodies we tend to see are towards one end of the spectrum, and whilst there are probably many more women with overhangs, loose skin, stretch marks etc we just don’t see them wearing bikinis or tight clothing because society wants us all to look like bright eyed 17 year olds who haven’t had children.

RE the psoriasis, I’m using dovobet whilst breastfeeding so there are options if you speak to your doctor. If your psoriasis is flaring and painful then that will be massively affecting your quality of life.

I think you need to see a different doctor. Yours sounds supremely unhelpful. She shouldn’t be telling you that everyone else is losing weight breastfeeding (mostly because it’s a crock of shit) and she should be helping you to explore treatment options RE the psoriasis and diastasis recti. There are exercises that can help. I hate how women are just expected to put up with the effects of pregnancy and childbirth like we are second class citizens, regardless of the fact that they can severely affect our quality of life and that for a lot of them there ARE treatment options available.

Hi OP, massively feel for you. My 20 week old won't settle, I'm exhausted and waking moments are spent trying not to scratch my scabby scalp or body or shout at my nearly 3 year old. i also feel incredibly insecure but I keep reminding myself this is a phase and I will be out of it soon. I know that I won't feel normal until I give up BF as I feel my hormones are definitely affecting me. Its not easy and we need to remember that our bodies have been through alot. Does your OH compliment you/treat you?

I completely understand the distress you feel at how your body has changed. It can be a huge thing to deal with, and it’s also a convenient physical metaphor for how much your life and your identity has changed. I’m a terrible perfectionist, so I can relate to the pain of confronting one’s perception of being ‘less than.’ But I agree with others, there is something else going on here, and you need to get your mental health sorted. It’s not normal to be hysterical at going out, it’s not normal to feel resentful to the extent that you do. I think you may be grappling with PND.

How old is your little one?

Sorry posted too soon.
But the issue is not the weight, but your reaction to it.
Can you access any support? The GP sounds spectacularly unhelpful - you got a health visitor, or a different GO you could talk to?
Maybe your DP or your mum could speak to a health professional on your behalf if you're not up to it.
And you've breast fed for a year, you've done what is best for your baby, but really you don't have to breastfeed for longer. To put it into context, I don't know anyone who fed for longer than 14 months, and if it's not working for you it's ok to start reducing feeds. Start when DO is home, so he can give the baby something else while you are out on a long walk or something. Do it gradually.
Your physical and mental health is important.

Another vote here for stopping breastfeeding. I honestly believe you need to start focusing on yourself now. Your baby is eating solids now and can get their nutrients from that, like every other species. I started to feel like you when I had been feeding for a few months and it made a huge difference to me to reclaim my body and also, I reckon I was overtired and that was affecting my moods.

Yes, I forgot to mention but absolutely, I also think it’s time to finish with the breastfeeding. You need to look after yourself now, otherwise you won’t be able to properly look after your little one.

You can do exercises to help with diastasis recti. There are some 20 min workouts you can follow on YouTube. You should also be able to self refer to a physio, and get them to show you some exercises. My ds2 is almost 2 now and mine has really improved in the last year. I got a book called something condescending like 'how to fix your mummy tummy' and picked a few moves from that to do daily.

I also had to do a bit of calorie counting (first time for me). I used the myfitnesspal app and set it to lose 0.5lb a week. I learnt some useful stuff along the way, I was eating too many car sand not enough protein. Its changed the way I eat, I'm defo fuller for longer and snack less.

Don't despair, and don't beat yourself up. There are much more important things, like raising a human! :)

Losing weight will make your tummy flap better! When I went on a divorce-plan diet after my 2 c-sections, my tummy "apron" reduced right down to a teeny tiny overhang.

Now I've gained weight again 😫 it's come back. It's just fat. It'll never be perfect but it can look sooooo much better.

I’m sorry you’re going through such a tough time. I’m another one who doesn’t find the weight miraculously melting off through breastfeeding. With DC1 it miraculously melted off when I stopped but that coincided with me going back to work and constantly running around late for everything, and contracting every bug going from my DC so not sure if it’s linked! I also have some impressive stretch marks. And psoriasis! Mines mostly just my scalp at the moment so I’m using my DC’s cradle cap shampoo. Have you discussed other breastfeeding-friendly treatment options with your Dr? I had a tar bath solution which helped when I had a horrible flare up as a teenager, and my doc at the time suggested light therapy (which I didn’t have in the end). I was wondering if a gentle Pilates class or similar might help - something to do for you that might also help with the tummy flap? In full disclosure, my DC2 is almost 6 months old and I’m avoiding mirrors as much as possible but this time round I’m more hopeful I can marshal myself into something a bit more presentable once she’s a bit older.

My DF suffers terribly with psoriasis. Emollients in the bath, Dovobet, Betnovate, high doses of Cod Liver Oil and light therapy are your friends.
See if your GP will refer you for an intense 'sunbed' course (they contain no damaging lights.)

Do you think you could be suffering with the baby blues a bit? Would you benefit from a talking therapy? Confidence booster?

I'm sorry you feel so rubbish but unfortunately a solution isn't going to fall out of the sky. You need to actively search for ways to make yourself feel better. I know it's tough to summon the motivation and strength (I have to do it everyday)) but once you get into a rhythm it will start to get a lot easier.

Little goals to start off with, building up to what your final ideal is. You have to do this for yourself.

Take care.

The doctor prescribed Dovonex for psoriasis but said she couldn’t guarantee it’s safe while breastfeeding so I daren’t use it. She said physio would be an option for diastasis but not available on the overstretched NHS as it’s a common issue and not serious. And the tummy apron is just tough luck and unfixable. The gist was that there’s nothing that can be done about any of the issues I’m complaining about, it’s just part of having had a baby and therefore has to be accepted. It’s distressing to approach a doctor with physical discomfort and mental anguish, and just be told to put up and shut up.

There would have been loads of women fatter and with ‘worse’ bodies than you put in town
I’m aware of that. But I had a good body before pregnancy. So I’ve gone from being one of the ‘best’ to one of the ‘worst’ iyswim. I can’t stand to see people who have the body I used to have. Especially if they’re also mums but have been luckier than me because their bodies haven’t been ruined.

it is well outside the normal spectrum to turn back half way from going to a night out because you’re hysterical
I think I am depressed. ‘Me’ has just disappeared. I used to be attractive and I admit I was quite vain - now my body and looks have deteriorated to the point that I feel embarrassed in public. I’m stuck at home, don’t feel able to face people who still look normal, don’t feel able to make mum friends as they all seem to have physically recovered and are ‘thin and glam’ as pp put it. I don’t have a job to go back to, don’t know when I’ll be able to return to work or what sort of job I’ll be able to get when I do. I don’t have any plans for the future or freedom to make any.

Use the Dovonex. No one can ever 'guarantee' a medication is safe when breastfeeding because for ethical and practical reasons they aren't formally trialled in Bf women, but it's not hard to know how much of a drug is excreted in milk and any risk that might be posed and doctors can safely and sensibly prescribe most things. There is really no need for you to deny yourself treatment.

There is a programme called MuTu that you can download for diastasis recti and general post natal exercise - i haven’t personally done it but it might be worth a google. You do have to pay for it though.