Can’t cope with post pregnancy body

[SaltySeagull]

I can’t cope with the state of my body a year after pregnancy and c section. I’m covered in stretch marks and my tummy hangs like a jelly filled apron. Breastfeeding hormones are preventing me losing weight and I’m covered in psoriasis because I can’t use medication to control it while breastfeeding. None of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit so I live in leggings. I can’t motivate myself to do my hair and makeup because it just feels like papering over the cracks. I avoid friends because I’m embarrassed about my appearance. Last night DH and I booked a babysitter and went out - but I couldn’t cope with going into the town centre and seeing everyone looking attractive with nice bodies, and them seeing the state of me. We got halfway there and I was hysterical so we came home.

I only gained a couple of stone, within recommended guidelines, but somehow my tummy was huge. It’s stretched beyond all recovery. It’s constantly red and sore under my tummy flap. I can’t exercise or even run down the street because it flaps up and down painfully. I saw the doctor and she recommended a cream to stop the redness - because redness is the only problem with having a fucking flap hanging on your front!

The doctor said I’m obviously one of the unlucky ones who don’t lose weight by breastfeeding. Apparently all her other breastfeeding patients are literally skeletal and scoffing McDonalds in an effort to keep weight on. Why couldn’t that be me? She said I won’t lose weight until I stop feeding, which could be years. So I’m stuck being fat and hideous for god knows how long. And she also said if I lose weight it’ll just make my tummy flap even worse.

I’m angry and resentful. Plenty of other women have kids without looking like this afterwards. I know women who have multiple kids and flat tummies with no stretch marks. And literally everyone else has got skinny from breastfeeding. Why do I always get the shitty end of the stick? I have literally zero self esteem left and I don’t want to be in this body

Is tree asn't chance it's not as bad as you think? I'm not in anyway trying to downplay it or negate your feelings, but you talk about being vain and having one of the best bodies pre pregnancy - would an average person look at you and think the same things you think about yourself or are you thinking it's really really terrible but it's actually not? I'm not that good at explaining myself but hopefully you see what I mean

Oh @SaltySeagull, it's so hard to adjust to life with a baby and the impact they have on our body.

I too have diastasis recti and my doctor said the same about living with it. Total bullshit, Pilates has really helped. My instructor is fab and adjusts any moves to take it in to account.

I'm still adjusting to not feeling like me but have some fun things planned, so something to look forward to.

Hugs.

I didn't lose weight when breastfeeding, i actually put it on with my firstborn whilst actively trying to lose it . The first couple of years are all about survival with a baby and unfortunately for most of us, the poor mum's body suffers for it. We all have our hang ups, I've finally managed to sort my weight now, but my poor poor boobs are horrendous. I weep at what they were before and what they are like now
Pull me in pants work wonders so does a good haircut and some war paint! If your papering over the cracks, then so be it. Only you know where the cracks are

Honestly OP, it sounds like you're depressed. It sounds like it's not really just your appearance that's bothering you, it's just something physical to focus on. It's that your entire life has turned upside down since having your child. You're not the same person anymore. Your life isn't the same anymore. It sounds like you feel like your own needs are coming second best to your child.

I understand. I had two close together and honestly looking back over the last decade, I feel like it's been once long identity crisis since I feel pregnant in 2012! I've really struggled finding time for myself since having kids and looking after myself. My youngest is almost 4 and it's only now with 40 looming I feel like I can really focus on myself. The old me is gone. I can't have it back and I do mourn her sometimes. But I like to focus on what I do have in life and how it's improved since having kids.

I think you need to start thinking about how you can feel happier with the life you have now. Stop breastfeeding and tell the nay sayers to fuck off. Then take your medication and perhaps ask the GP for anti depressants. I'd also go back pushing for physio. Say it's effecting your mental health. Try to eat better once you've stopped breastfeeding and look at how you can fit more exercise in with your DC. But you do have to also try to accept and come to terms with the idea you may never be back to where you were before. But you can get better.

This is the sort of thing I mean. In the news today - a lady with THREE kids, not a single stretch mark and a virtually flat stomach. All of my mum friends look like this and that’s why I can’t bear to see them. Why is my body an absolute state after only one child

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-6899805/Drop-dress-size-eating-like-French-lady.html

I remember going to the doctors panicking that someone was wrong with me after ds birth as my stomach stuck out so much and I was told that it was fat,I was so embarrassed and cried buckets.I started calorie counting and it worked and apart from stretch marks I'm reasonably happy with myself now.Its fucking awful when you dont recognise yourself,I hated my body and myself for over a year,I hated celebs and others who snapped back straight away.If you persevere when you feel able to you might not look the same as before but you might like yourself again.I would stop breastfeeding in your situation as you are important too

Sorry the star was meant to be flowers

It's drastic and you'll need to save up, but a tummy tuck will give you back the torso you used to have. (Albeit with a scar.)

So there is a solution, long-term, once your family is finished and you've got £6k.

I.m not minimising your feelings about yourself, they are obviously real and distressing you, but, for a while I worked in a bridal house and I saw so many women in their underwear everyday - It is a truly rare woman who is totally happy in her skin! WE ALL have flaws, lumps, bumps, spots, scars, saggy bits, droopy bits and on and on, we have been sold A BIG FAT LIE about perfection and what is beautiful, please dont beat yourself up so badly, you are lovely! when you next walk through town, just remember that most of the women you are passing don't think they are perfect either.

It’s not so much that I’m imperfect. It’s more that I had my own reasonably good body about 18 months ago, then lost it in a matter of weeks. Meanwhile I see women all around me having multiple kids and not losing their bodies, and it’s not fair. I don’t want to be perfect. I just want to be me again.

Ok so what are you going to do about it?

You’re seeing the women you envy but there will be women all around you that if you compared yourself to, you would think ‘well I look better than her’.
Not that I think you should be comparing yourself but it’s confirmation bias. You’re only seeing what your body issues are letting you see.

So back to my question. Are you going to get out and take control of how you feel by doing some Pilates (as has been recommended) / power walking etc?
Also gomabd get your hair done, do your make up how you used to do it. Start being yourself back

Cmon op. Stop being so defeatist.

Start planning for how yiu will phase out the breastfeeding. Your child is a year old now and that's fine.

Then start to look at your diet, where can you make improvements.

Then look at home workouts. What can you do in a few mins a day.

Start taking the psoriasis medication as you phase out the breastfeeding.

You can do this.

The people you see out may be hiding a multitude of sins. I'm sure I look good with clothes on. But I'm always wearing control pants and a control dress. Plus often control pants too.

Also, we all age and looks fade.

Important to learn to be content with who you are,

We are all different. It what's makes us unique and human. Some people have to study for hours to get an A in an exam, others don't. Some have to work hard at being a size 8 and others do not. It's just the way the world is. If you want your body back to something that you are comfortable with then you will do it. You will find your way of doing it. It may be the gym, weight loss groups (slimming world or weight watchers) calorie counting etc. Do your research and find something that works for you. I struggle to keep my weight down but over the years I have found ways that help. I do know people that are size 8 with 4 kids, no stretch marks or dieting to maintain it but that's just life. They are them and I am me.

I have 2 deep stretch marks from last pregnancy, one on my downstairs the other from belly button down about 4-6 inches. They be slowly stared to fade though after 16 months. But I also put 2.5 stone on whilst breastfeeding. Again, I'm the only one I know of who hasn't got a flat stomach or back to how they were. It's depressing, especially as I also now have loads more stretch marks on my legs and hips. And now I'm pregnant again, it's only going to happen again.

I don't have any experience of DR but I'm sure there's things you can do to help it. It may take a while, but just remember, you're not the only one going through this.

How do you KNOW they are all perfect though? Do you all stand in your undies comparing stomachs?
I am not the shape i was pre-pregnancy, but I have learnt to dress to flatter my new shape and noone would have a clue that my stomach wobbles like jelly and is creased all along the front.

Is there another GP you can see? If the flap is constantly causing skin issues then surely this becomes a health rather than a cosmetic problem and maybe a more sympathetic GP could see a case for referral for skin removal?

You sound overwhelmed and it might be worth tackling this one thing at a time - starting with phasing out the breast-feeding. Which will then allow you to tackle the weight and the psoriasis with adequate medication.

At the moment it sounds as though all you see is a "you" that you hate and are struggling to get past this to break it all down into individual issues that you can deal with one by one.