Why does my ex love to bring up the fact I pooped in labour?!

[ImHastingsDarling]

Ok, not the poo troll promise. DM is a crap newspaper.

Just got off FaceTime with DS (15yo) who is on holiday with his dad, gf and family.
Having a lovely time by all accounts.

DS said "haha auntie was telling me about how dad decided to go to the shops while you were in labour in the car"

I said "yea this was his way of dealing with the pressure I think!"

Then ex pipes up in the background, laughing 'jokingly'
"alright alright don't start because I'll just have to say one word to make you stop. .... POO. Yup, mum done a poo when she was in labour and I had to wipe it away"

Cue awkward silence from all who were in the vicinity of the FaceTime chat.

For the record, it was as I was pushing. It was probably the size of a slug. I was mortified when it happened. The nurse wiped it away (not him). And this is probably the 8th time he's brought it up in front of various different people.

I just rolled my eyes and did a sarcastic "hur hur hur" laugh and moved the convo on.

Can I have some witty one liners next time he pulls this stunt?!

Am I the only one this had happened to?

I really wish he would fuck off with mentioning it, the twat

Get in there first (in a Chandler I get pedicures kind of way). Surely you recognize the signs now? He sounds very predictable. So when the "banter" starts up, shush everyone and demand they listen to you. If you can whistle with your fingers as that would be amazing. Anyway when you have everyone's attention and say "For those of you who do not know me I have something to share with you and for those who do know me (smile indulgently at ds and direct a misty eyed nod towards the ex) I did a poo the day this one was born. I can't get into the finer details as my emotions wouldn't allow me to adequately convey them. However Barry (my rock, my shelter, my champion especially on the day in question) is due to hold a Q&A session after drinks have been had. He was there, he witnessed the evacuation take place and it's something he will take with him no matter what his future may bring. I after 46 hours of labour presented him with a son but nothing compared to the nugget I involuntarily curled out in his presence. Thank you Barry. Thank you." Then do a social media campaign #turdbirthbarry and ask other users to share their experiences. When you are called up for Loose women make sure to speak freely and truly. Mention Barry repeatedly.

Or just say with exasperated boredom "Oh shut up.," Trust me no one likes being told to shut up in public.

@CheersSonsCryingNiceOne

I'm literally laughing out loud at that.

CheersSonsCryingNiceOne 😂
That (plus your username) is 👌🤣🤣

I'm just here to show 💩 solidarity.

#turdbirthbarry

15 yr old poo story.
He needs to get a life.
I’m glad he’s your ex
Don’t make it easy for him by laughing along, let the joke fall flat and he’ll think twice next time.

'Why do you keep bringing that up? Are you trying to embarrass me or something? You realize it makes you look really weird? Sorry about this everyone, he seems to have a fixation on it.'

Just say, oh yes and you did it that time you were drunk, and there were the times you threw up... Oh remember when you wet yourself in your sleep...ect...

Did it not occur to him at all that the chances are high that the other woman present did the same?

I didn’t Poo, no idea how that didn’t happen with my dodgy tummy however I did wet myself massively between contractions.

I did too. DH cleaned me up and promised never to mention it again. He hasn't, because he's not a twat.

Tbh with the long drawn out many interventions,Labour's of both my boys I think the last thing either of us cared about was wether I pooed or not .

“Yes, I also sweated, cried and had lots of blood and goodness knows what else coming out of my body whilst giving birth. What actually is your point and why do you find it funny?”

Or

“I don’t remember that. I only remember the wonderment of giving birth to a beautiful baby. All the blood, sweat, tears and goodness knows what else are just part of the amazing process of Labour.”

Or

“We were very fortunate that we kept the baby and the poo was disposed of. It’s so sad that in your parents case the hospital mixed the two up and brought the poo home”.

Palomino...absolutely the last one...perfect!!

Or just “Shut up, you tedious Twat!”

Palomino

When I’m pushing entire human beings out of my body, whether I shit myself or not isn’t exactly high on my list of things to worry about

This was the biggest worry my friends and I had about labour! 🤤

Ask him if he has a poo fetish because you can’t understand why he keeps bringing it up.

"Not the only piece of shit present that day...."?

I love this!

Before all my kids I became massively constipated and as a resulted pooed loads during labour. Luckily no one is mean enough to mention it.

Er no, you didn't poop while pushing out your DC. Your dc's head squished your colon and pushed eveything out as they were decending! That isn't the same as pooping.

It’s important to remember as well that partners/husbands don’t actually have any right to be present at the birth, we give them permission to be there with us and it’s something that really does require so much trust. I honestly think some fathers don’t deserve to be there if they take the piss afterwards.

Your ex obviously doesn’t realise that it’s a totally standard normal part of labour that happens to MOST women, not an unlikely embarrassing moment that singles you out. Just part of the process for practically everyone who pushes a baby out!

Nasty behaviour. It’s good that he’s an ex.

Hahaha Palomino, that last one is also going on my list

Honestly I'm so thankful for all your stories and to hear that you all have decent DHs that wouldn't dream of mentioning it.
Mine is an ex for a variety of reasons, one being his immaturity in many aspects of life. This confirms I made the right decision all those years ago when I high tailed it out of there!

Don't laugh along and don't feel embarrassed. Say "yes I did, as most women do, what your fascination with it?". If you really wanted you could send him a link to an article showing it's perfectly normal, and threaten to broadcast some of his embarrassing moments if he doesn't stop. But he'd probably get a kick out of winding you up, the immature twat.

If it makes you feel any better OP I watched loads of One Born Every Minute when I was pregnant and was really scared I'd draw loads of attention to myself by being one of those women who howled, mooed and screamed in pain.

Great news, it turns out I was silent throughout my entire 27 hours of labour- apart from three occasions where I simply shouted "I'm poooooooing" to everyone in the room. It was factually accurate each time.

How about 'Not the biggest piece of shit there!'?