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Original poster

I am being ridiculous please talk me down

83 replies

theweeenglishfella · 09/04/2019 09:26

I just returned from dropping my DS at nursery and as I was crossing the (busy) road to get to my flat a man in a car with tinted windows slowed down and started staring at me. I didn't make eye contact, just looked down and carried on walking. He sped off and drove away but then two seconds later I saw him turn around and drive so he was pulling up alongside me and continued to stare. He had to move on as there were cars behind him so I went into my flat but then when I looked out of the window two minutes later I saw he'd got out of his car and was looking up and down the street. Couldn't see his car, he must have parked it.

Anyway now I'm really freaked out. Need to go back out for shopping but feel worried he's still lurking, though I can't see him any more.

Being ridiculous I know. I had an absolutely horrible traumatic experience a couple of months ago which started out a bit like this so I'm on edge.

Talk me down?

OP posts:
GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 09/04/2019 11:00

Go and ask him what he wants . Have the police on speed dial .

HarrietSchulenberg · 09/04/2019 11:17

Have you got any idea why he would want to find you? Do you owe money? Are you involved in any legal cases? Is your work likely to make you a target for anyone?

Alternatively, do you resemble anyone famous that he's mistaken you for?

I would be very surprised if he spotted you at random and decided to lock on to you, turning his car round and following you. This person knows you, or someone who looks like you. Have you got anyone who could come round and ask him what he's doing there?

You need to think of anything that might make him interested in you and let the police know when they arrive. If he's still outside and they haven't arrived in 10 mins, ring back. Obviously keep your doors and windows locked in the meantime.

Blueowls · 09/04/2019 11:19

This would really worry me! Well done for calling the police OP, hopefully they can help get to the bottom of it Confused

samsamsamsamsamsam · 09/04/2019 11:21

could he be trying to serve you with papers?

64sNewName · 09/04/2019 11:21

I really don’t get the mindset of the PPs minimising this. Not every creepy incident will lead to harm, sure. But there are plenty that do, and women should be encouraged to trust their instincts

Thoughts with you OP, hope the police will be useful

downcasteyes · 09/04/2019 11:23

"I would be very surprised if he spotted you at random and decided to lock on to you, turning his car round and following you."

Obviously, you could be right that there is another motive for this - money, or work, or a case of mistaken identity. But it could also be that the OP is a woman. This happened to me several times when I was younger, especially if I was dressed in certain ways (which I had every right to be dressed as, by the way!) Some men really are that predatory. They see a woman they like the look of and cruise beside her, staring and making comments.

Thankfully, I am now 40 and more assertively styled, and hence invisible to those men.

Original poster
theweeenglishfella · 09/04/2019 11:39

No I'm not famous, no I don't owe anyone any money, no I'm not in legal trouble, no I wasn't dressed in any kind of way - am wearing leggings and a hoodie.

Anyway the police turned up and he said that he was just waiting for a friend. They asked him why he had followed me and he said that he hadn't.

Then he got in his car and drove away. They said there wasn't much else they could do though we did get the number plate of his car.

OP posts:
Anotheruser02 · 09/04/2019 11:39

Can anyone else collect your DS from nursery today so you don't have to go out again?

Original poster
theweeenglishfella · 09/04/2019 11:41

I've no one else to pick him up, and I can't never leave the house again. I do have a personal alarm and I won't wear my headphones so I can keep my wits about me.

OP posts:
downcasteyes · 09/04/2019 11:44

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you were dressed any kind of way! It's absolutely not ANY woman's fault if men behave like this. I don't care if they are parading around in heels and a bikini it is not OK for men to treat women like this.

I'm really glad the police have been out. But also slightly shocked that he was still there outside your house.

Can you get another Mum to call on you on the way to nursery and back? I am sure many people would be glad to help out.

Original poster
theweeenglishfella · 09/04/2019 11:47

I don't know any of the other nursery mums! I say hi to one or two of them in passing but don't even know any names. I could get a taxi to nursery I suppose.

OP posts:
Orlandointhewilderness · 09/04/2019 11:51

Creep. Hope all goes well later, Is it a fairly busy route you walk along? Yes first sign of that car then ring the police and make sure you aren't on your own. instincts spot on OP.

Original poster
theweeenglishfella · 09/04/2019 11:54

Yes, it's residential but I cross two busy main roads and there are generally always people about.

OP posts:
downcasteyes · 09/04/2019 11:55

OK, so as long as the route you walk is relatively busy and safe I would give it a go. Like you say, you can't hide in the house forever. But do keep your wits about you for signs of this guy being about.

When you get to nursery, can you tell some of the others what has happened and maybe see if any of them go your way?

beansontoastz · 09/04/2019 11:57

That sounds so scary OP, last year I was babysitting for a family in the summer and finished at 1am on a Saturday (they'd been to a wedding). Decided to walk home as didn't want to bother my OH and it was a lovely summery evening, warm despite it being nighttime and I hadn't been out much that day due to caring for the baby.

It couldn't have been a worse walk home!
I was walking past a block of flats and I hear some guy call out his window 'Oi! Get up here love, come on!'
Upon looking around I realised he was obviously calling to me as there was literally no one else around.

Walked quickly away from there!

Then as I was going through the town (which was relatively busy as the clubs were open) a group of around 7 men started following me for about 5 mins! Quite close by and went the exact route I did, they only stopped when they saw police patrolling the town centre and I got on my phone quickly and got my OH to meet me as I was too scared to walk alone from there as it was still a 15min walk & along a more deserted area.

It's so sad nowadays that women can't feel safe, even in daytime, walking around on their own. I was just minding my own business on a lovely summer night, feeling great waking in the peaceful dark until those instances occurred.Sad

Original poster
theweeenglishfella · 09/04/2019 12:03

I've had so many instances. Not as creepy as this (besides my assault which was obviously worse), but in the last 2 years alone I've had:

  • A man following me off a bus (while I had my 8 month old DS in a buggy) making lewd comments
  • A group of men (again while I had young DS in a buggy) shouting at my from a car asking for a blowjob
  • Numerous instances of being catcalled as I walk down the street
  • A man kerb crawling me while I was out jogging then calling me a stuck up cunt when I ignored him.
OP posts:
Original poster
theweeenglishfella · 09/04/2019 12:04

I can still remember being 13 years old in school uniform and a man in his forties walking past me in the street mimed thrusting at me. Just disgusting. I'm glad I haven't got a daughter.

OP posts:
JeremyCorbynsCoat · 09/04/2019 12:09

It just infuriates me that these people think they have a right to intimidate women going about their daily business.

I've had it before when I've had the children with me too. It's fucking awful.

Anotheruser02 · 09/04/2019 12:10

It is disgusting. Things like that make me so angry.

Lazydaisies · 09/04/2019 12:17

Erugh that is just awful OP. What is wrong with this disgusting men and what is wrong with our culture that doesn't stop them?

I hope the police come soon.

Original poster
theweeenglishfella · 09/04/2019 12:29

When I was assaulted my son was with me in his buggy. The police did literally nothing. The man who did it is still out there.

OP posts:
downcasteyes · 09/04/2019 12:39

"What is wrong with this disgusting men and what is wrong with our culture that doesn't stop them?"

They hate women. It's misogyny pure and simple. These types of incident are not indications or liking, admiring, or fancying women. They are a weapon that a group of entitled men are wielding as a tool of threat and violence, and the consequence is a completely unequal system of access to public space. Unfortunately, these attitudes are legitimated by our culture, in the myriad number of ways in which women are STILL not equal.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 09/04/2019 12:48

This is one of the most depressing threads I've ever read.

I'm so sorry you've gone through this OP, it sounds terrifying.

QueenBeex · 09/04/2019 12:56

You done the right thing op by calling the police and staying safe waiting indoors instead of going out there on your own and asking him what he wanted. If he was waiting for his friend surely he wouldn't of just drive off when the police turned up. Strange!

MummySharkBabyShark · 09/04/2019 13:25

Sorry this is happening to you.