Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

In-laws dog bit toddler

54 replies

Upyourdaisy · 08/04/2019 11:10

My little girl came home from the in-laws yesterday, I noticed a mark on her arm but left it until this morning to text. I sent a picture and said 'I don't know what this is on names arm' mil then phoned me and said she was really sorry, but her dog had bitten dd, she said dd threw a bike at her (dd is 2, we have our own dog at home and she's never done anything like that) so the dog bit her. I was a bit shocked really that mil didn't tell me without me asking first. My other half is (rightfully) livid, we don't want to seem harsh but dd won't be going over again, even with the dog locked away I still wouldn't feel comfortable.

In-laws dog bit toddler
OP posts:
Palominoo · 08/04/2019 11:18

Dogs should be kept away from unpredictable toddlers to prevent the dog being harmed or biting the child in what they perceive as defending themselves against he child, injuring a child in rough play or attacking because they see the movement and sounds of a child as prey.

Your in-laws did not supervise their grandchild properly.

However if they agree to outing the dog in another room or in the garden when the child is there then the child should still visit.

Blueowls · 08/04/2019 11:19

That actually looks like a nasty bite, you can see the bruising coming up.

I think you are perfectly entitled to be angry that you had to raise it with her- you should have been told when your dd was handed over (latest!). Would she have told you at all if you hadn't asked? Confused

The bike story sounds a bit odd. I'd expect a dog to run away after having a bike launched at them, not run in to attack? More likely the bike caught the dog as it was being put down and the dog instinctively snapped- I suppose the bike throwing story attempts to excuse the dog and put more responsibility onto dd.

Original poster
Upyourdaisy · 08/04/2019 11:25

Blueowls I thought the same, I don't think she would have mentioned it if I hadn't pointed it out, it's only because dd has been poorly that I didn't put it down to her scraping herself while playing.

OP posts:
MitziK · 08/04/2019 11:32

It's possible. Not all dogs run away when they are hurt and, going by the size, it's not a particularly large one - Jack Russell, perhaps? - they're bred to be very tough.

However, it could also be from forcibly picking it up for a cuddle or an outright dog attack - even if the throwing the bike was genuine, it might be that this was to try and keep an aggressive dog from attacking her.

Whatever the case, the dog and child weren't supervised properly. So I agree it's not a good idea to go over there again.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 08/04/2019 11:32

Ouch! It does look like it hurt, though it hasn't drawn blood (if the dog wanted to, it would have).

They definitely should have told you about the incident rather than hoping you wouldn't notice - and I would be angry about that part.

It sounds like your DD hurt the dog, the dog was hurt or surprised and lashed out. Every dog has a different tolerance threshold, but this wasn't an unprovoked attack and it sounds as though the dog hasn't got past form for this sort of thing.

The two should have been better supervised. Until your DD is bigger, more predictable and more reasonable (perhaps age 4-5), I would be keeping the two separate. However, I don't think it's necessary to insist that the dog isn't in the same building. If it's in another room with the door shut, it can't do anything.

Original poster
Upyourdaisy · 08/04/2019 11:33

A shih tzu

OP posts:
Original poster
Upyourdaisy · 08/04/2019 11:38

She's been shut away from dd in the past because she follows her around barking at her

OP posts:
EleanorLavish · 08/04/2019 11:42

We had a very placid Westie when I first had a child. Well, my parents had him. Never snapped or growled in his life.
When DS1 was a toddler, he was pottering about. We were all watching him. Dog lying nearly. DS suddenly grabbed the dogs ears. Dog was a bit deaf and old, half asleep, and naturally snapped behind him. Just caught DS slightly on the hand.
My parents were so upset, thought maybe dog should be PTA.
I told them it was a complete accident, no harm done. The dog was very placid but had the lofe scared out of him.
We never had another issue, just shows even with supervision these things can happy.
It is quite a nasty bite though, and I’d be very cross they didn’t tell me!

MitziK · 08/04/2019 11:43

I'm not aware of those being particularly bolshy, although they are quite confident, so I'm inclined to think the version the GPs gave is closer than covering up a deliberate attack. It's easy for kids to think every dog is going to be just as cuddly as their own one and to push them past their limits because of it.

I'd still want to keep them apart because it is a failure to supervise and possibly, without referring to it specifically, start teaching more about dealing with other people's dogs 'because you don't know every doggy like yours and they might be frightened or hurt'.

FizzyGreenWater · 08/04/2019 12:02

Firstly - I would take your DD along to the docs. The skin is slightly broken - might need a tetanus. That is a nasty bite - a real, proper bite - you can see from the bruise.

Secondly, I would absolutely let your OH be livid and let rip at his parents and yes, I wouldn't have your DD go there again without you being there for the whole time. Firstly, because she wasn't supervised around the dog even though the dog has previously shown aggression/discomfort with your DD - following her around barking?! - why the hell was the dog not kept away from her, for both of their safety?! Just no. That's not good enough.

Secondly and much more importantly - because as you say, if you hadn't asked they wouldn't have told you. That's unforgivable. A dog bite isn't a little thing. It doesn't matter that it's not a 'serious' bite - you should have been informed, straight away, with apologies that they didn't supervise properly. Their attitude is another massive no-no: they clearly feel fairly relaxed and entitled with your DD and don't have the instinct that you are the parents, you need to ok stuff and know what's going on. That lack of basic respect and sense of entitlement is not ok. You and your OH have every right to be angry and if you keeping your DD away lets them know that this isn't their child and isn't their call, then that's good.

ForeverBubblegum · 08/04/2019 12:28

I wouldn't be comfortable with them babysitting in future, the dog bite alone I would probably say "lesson learned, keep them apart in future" but the not telling you would totally erode my trust.

They are massively downplaying the incident by not mentioning and hoping you wouldn't notice, and then to try to shift the blame to DD with the bike story makes me think they are unwilling to accept that their dog is a danger to her. If they don't see the danger then I wouldn't trust them to keep the dog locked away.

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 08/04/2019 12:38

I would also be livid, not just with the bite but the not telling is such a trust issue!

cantfindname · 08/04/2019 14:14

she follows her around barking at her

That would be all it took for me to know that the dog isn't safe around your (or any other) small child. Jealousy because owners attention is deflected. I really doubt the 'threw a bike at her' tale; dogs run away from a threat not towards it.

Poor dog and poor daughter. Really the fault of neither of them. Dog should have been shut away for its own safety and for your daughter's safety.

I really think that bite needs looked at, even if you email your GP with the pic and asks if he needs to see her.

LaLoba · 08/04/2019 16:02

Full disclosure, I’m the kind of dog lover who wants it not to be the dog’s fault. Your PIL had no intention of telling you that your 2 year old was bitten unless you saw a mark. They were hoping there would be no mark and you wouldn’t have to know. They can’t be trusted to keep your daughter safe, and it’s their fault, not the toddler or the dog’s.

Mintandthyme · 08/04/2019 16:09

Have you or your OH ever had the conversation with them about keeping your dd and their dog totally separated or fully supervised?
What was the outcome of the dog following her around barking at her? Did you witness that yourselves or were you told afterwards?

Original poster
Upyourdaisy · 08/04/2019 16:18

We've only just been told about the following around, it was an off hand comment made afterwards 'we normally put her away anyway, she follows name around barking at her like it's a game'
We've mentioned before dd isn't ever left alone with our dog, they agreed that was sensible so I just sort of assumed they'd do the same.

OP posts:
JellycatElfie · 08/04/2019 16:22

Hmm their story is dubious I doubt a dog would have something thrown at them, scoot out the way of the flying bike and then think “oh I’ll go and bite her on the arm to teach her a lesson!” It’s more likely the dog has snapped for some reason. It’s your PILs fault, not the toddler and certainly not the dogs. I’m a huge animal lover but never trust a dog 100% around an unpredictable child.

SnuggyBuggy · 08/04/2019 16:23

It's the not telling that would worry me more to be honest

Mintandthyme · 08/04/2019 16:30

I think your only option is to not have them minding your dd again unless you or her dad are there

AuntMarch · 08/04/2019 16:42

The not telling you is the biggest issue for me too. Being bitten would be scary and could have led to DDs behaviour being a bit different to normal which can be worrying when you don't know why

JangoInTheFamilyWay · 08/04/2019 17:00

Definitely take her to the gp, dog bites can go surprisingly nasty, they might want to give her some antibiotics.

Original poster
Upyourdaisy · 08/04/2019 17:01

Taking her down to the gp at 5.30

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 08/04/2019 17:11

Hope she's ok

FizzyGreenWater · 08/04/2019 17:32

Good call OP.

Reading back, I really dislike the way they're tried to turn this into something your toddler was responsible for - she threw a bike? No, that is NOT THE POINT. The point is they left your very small child unsupervised with a dog and she got bitten. Then they decided you really didn't need to know - I can't help thinking because they knew full well what the reaction would be.

Give them absolute hell and no more visits without you there. The trust is gone.

PrincessScarlett · 08/04/2019 17:45

Agree that the not telling you is really worrying. What if they don't tell you she's banged her head? Or hurt her arm badly and then she could potentially be wandering around for weeks with a fractured arm. You really need to stress to them how important it is that they tell you about accidents and injuries.