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Original poster

How long do you leave your 11 year old home alone?

100 replies

Murphypoint · 05/04/2019 19:10

If at all?

I take DS to the shops but he wants to stay home himself. He knows how to get in touch with me but I’d be interested to hear how long it is ok to leave a child on their own at home for?

OP posts:

ZanyMobster · 06/04/2019 18:20

DS2 has just turned 11, we leave him for up to 1.5hrs usually. He stays in longer with my 13yo DS. They are both very sensible.

I think I was probably quite late allowing them to stay home alone for short periods (maybe 8/9) so I am really shocked at those saying no younger than 13. I would expect them to be able to be home alone for long periods by then.

ZanyMobster · 06/04/2019 18:23

Oh I don't allow them to cook and they don't go in and out, they just stay indoors. DS2 has autism and ADHD and is still totally fine. I agree that most NT children at 11 should be fine, most definitely by Y7.

EleanorLavish · 06/04/2019 18:30

My 11yo has just turned 12yo last month. He is often left for an hour or two, even more sometimes if it suits him.
He has a phone and we call him/he calls us.
If the child is happy to be left, and you explain safety rules eg, don't answer door, don't decide to light a fire/climb a ladder,etc it is fine.
There is no legal age.

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11 year olds Families

Calzone · 06/04/2019 18:35

It completely depends on the child and how they feel.

I started leaving 8y old ds with 11 year old ds to nip to the shops etc

Now 17 and 14 and I’ve built up gradually making sure they are comfortable with Leaving them for longer.

Hoping to get away for 2 nights in May...... 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

greenelephantscarf · 06/04/2019 18:36

up to half a day.
if dc is sensible (you know them best) and with sensible rules in place.
dc was home alone on inset day, but visited me in my office for lunch. had a couple of chores to do (cleaning sinks and changing bedding) and was allowed to watch a dvd

adaline · 06/04/2019 19:05

But 8 is far too young imo and most people's opinions I'd imagine

I have to disagree. If they're happy to be left for five minutes - why not? I was happy being left at that age - I just sat in front of the TV or carried on with my book.

Of course you can build up from a later age but in the UK 11 year olds walk to/from school and are the vast majority are also expected to let themselves in the house while their parents work.

You need to build up to that, and if you're child is happy for that to happen at eight, then why not?

ittakes2 · 06/04/2019 19:10

I always find it interesting that children at 11 are offen allowed to walk to school alone - negotiating traffic and stranger danger - but then are not considered mature enough to be left at home alone. I think it depends on the child if it’s ok to leave them at home - just give them some rules ie not preparing food or having a shower, never open the door, - make sure they know how to get out of the house in an emergency.

clary · 06/04/2019 20:31

The "not preparing food" rule always makes me wonder. My dc could and did make cups of tea, beans on toast, pasta, tuna sandwich (these are just things they liked lol) way before they were 11. And no, I didn't stand and watch over them. I never banned them from making food when home without me if they scalded a hand (unlikely but possible - similar to me) they know what to do, and they can always call me. Using the hob to heat up baked beans is unlikely to lead to setting the house on fire. Those who wouldn't leave a child before 13, do you watch their every move when in the house with them? Thought not. They need to learn independence and how to deal with things.

formerbabe · 06/04/2019 20:34

Oh fgs, its like a bizarre game of who is the coolest, most lax parent.

Just waiting for a poster to come on and say they regularly leave their toddler home alone using a deep fat fryer to make chips and anyone who doesn't is an uptight helicopter parent!

frogsoup · 06/04/2019 21:33

It really isn't, formerbabe. It's about not infantilising perfectly capable kids - we aren't talking about 4 year olds!!! I am actually a fairly paranoid and uptight parent, but will leave my 8yo alone for up to 20-25 mins, and my 11yo for a couple of hours. Most parents with kids of similar ages I know leave them for broadly similar amounts of time. They would certainly disagree that 8 is too young.

formerbabe · 06/04/2019 21:41

I also have an 11 and 8 year old. I'd leave my 11 year old home alone for a short time but I definitely wouldn't leave my 8 year old. I don't think my approach is especially unusual or infantilising.

adaline · 06/04/2019 21:41

Oh fgs, its like a bizarre game of who is the coolest, most lax parent.

I don't think it's "cool" to think that an 8 year old that can be left for five minutes, I think it's normal.

frogsoup · 06/04/2019 21:45

No, but neither does leaving your 8yo for short periods represent some kind of extreme competitive lackadaisical parenting. Compared to most of the rest of Europe it's still shockingly uptight, most German kids of that age have been going to and from school alone for years.

formerbabe · 06/04/2019 21:45

I honestly don't know anyone irl who does that.

frogsoup · 06/04/2019 21:46

Well I know literally dozens, so maybe it rather depends on where you live!

greathat · 06/04/2019 21:51

I leave my 9 year old for about half an hour occasionally. Not so keen to let her out unsupervised though, she is in her own little world and has no road sense (asd)

adaline · 06/04/2019 21:51

I honestly don't know anyone irl who does that

Good for you.

I was left alone at that age - am I a figment of my own imagination?

bonbonours · 06/04/2019 21:54

I have left my year 6, 10 year old for up to an hour, the longest my year 8, 12 year old has been home alone is about three hours. As with previous posters though this has been built up to gradually from about ten minutes initially while I dropped a sibling to an activity.

The difference between year 6 and 7 is huge. In year 7 they are at secondary school and expected to take on much more responsibility for themselves, and are much more likely to be traveling some distance on public transport unaccompanied. A lot of year 6 children walk to school unaccompanied but there is a definite difference between primary and secondary school

IncrediblySadToo · 06/04/2019 22:08

It depends entirely on your child & situation

I think most children are fine to be home alone for half an hour or so at 8 IF they are happy to be left. Most are fine by 11 for a couple of hours IF they’re happy to be. Obviously some shouldn’t be left for 5 minutes and others would be fine all day.

However, there are situations where I wouldn’t leave a child home alone until much older - places where break ins/burglary rates are very high or where the house is really remote.

weebarra · 06/04/2019 22:10

I leave DS1 (who has ADHD) for half an hour at the moment, but after Easter I'm going to let him go home from school and stay until we get back from work, usually 2 hours.
He starts high school in August, so I need to start preparing him.
He'll just play Fortnite anyway, much as I might hope he'd do homework!

Natsku · 06/04/2019 23:04

I honestly don't know anyone irl who does that.

I don't know anyone irl who doesn't. Just the other day 8 year old DD had a friend round after school but I had to go to the shops so I text the friend's dad asking if I should drop her home first or can she stay home alone with my DD and his answer was of course it's fine for her to stay. It's just the Britishness in me that makes me ask, I bet the other parents think I'm overthinking it.

Ivegotthree · 06/04/2019 23:11

To the PP who said does something magically happen to them between years 6 and 7, I'd say the answer is yes.

Starting secondary made my DS grow up almost overnight. It was extraordinary. He blossomed and became so much more grown up and confident and sensible.

He's 11 and I leave him up to two hours. In London. He has a phone and is sensible and we have loads of neighbours who we know and who are nice.

DreamInDreamer · 07/04/2019 19:51

@clary I do the no preparing food rule.... but you are making me have a bit of a rethink. It is a bit irrational as DS (11) can and does prepare his own food and has done 2 terms of food tech at school.
I guess i am just trying to minimise risks, reduce unnecessary risks. And I have irrational thoughts about him choking alone but he could do that on food he hasn't made himself...
Also, we set our house on fire twice as children when our parents were at work- once making toast on a grill ( showing my age, no toasters then!) and once by leaving a packet of sugar on a hot hob. Fire engine job both times but no one was hurt.

Rubusfruticosus · 07/04/2019 21:44

Ds has got himself food from when he started staying home on inset days at 10. To start with I would leave him something to reheat in the microwave for lunch, but he uses the hob now at 12.

vegpatch · 07/04/2019 21:50

Nearly 12 year old, just started leaving her for about half an hour while I am still local. I dont think there are hard and fast rules though. I know people who have 11 year olds who are happy by themselves for a couple of hours, as I would have been at that age.

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