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Original poster

I have a massive crush and it’s driving me crazy

63 replies

Hormonal40something · 05/04/2019 05:08

I have never posted on here before. It’s 4.30am and I’ve been lying awake half the night in a state because the person I have a massive crush on is working on my house for the final time tomorrow and after that I probably will never see him again!
It is ridiculous, I know. I’m 47, happily married to a lovely man, a wonderful family and a beautiful home. For the past few months we’ve been having work done to our house and this particular workman (SJ) has been here every day.
I fancied him straight away but at first it was just a pleasant flutter when I saw him. We didn’t even speak for the first month. I just liked seeing him out the window doing his stuff. Now he’s been in the house putting doors on etc and I lose the power of speech when he’s near me. We’ve chatted a bit (he’s lovely) but I am overwhelmed by all consuming lust! The first time I saw him in just his t shirt (he’s mostly been wearing a coat etc when he’s outside) I practically passed out. Muscles, sweat, power tools. I was like a jelly! I was practically drooling 🙈 I don’t even know how old he is (guessing 52 ish so not your typical Diet Coke break guy) but I can not stop fantasising about him.
I knew he’d eventually have to go to another job and had rehearsed the conversation in my head (me saying, all cool and chilled “thanks so much for the work you’ve done...” etc etc. However when he told me yesterday that he was being sent to another job my brain disengaged and I came out with “nooo! You can’t go, you’re my favourite!” (Toes curling just typing this) he said he’d loved working here and really would like to stay and that it’s like his second home (sweet) Admittedly I have looked after all the builders with tea, the odd bacon butty and plenty of cakes and biscuits so it’s probably a lot more cushy than a building site job.
Anyway I’m gutted. Do I actually want anything to happen? No I don’t think I do. I would like to know if he finds me attractive but I can’t tell. I am usually great at knowing if someone likes me but I am clueless. He’s married (I think) and I have honestly never looked at another man since I met my husband 17 years ago. I know I need to get a grip but I am just totally devastated that tomorrow (well today now) is his last day. Also I am quite worried I might cry when he says goodbye!! If that happens I will literally be mortified. Feel better just getting this off my chest. I just don’t know how a rational together woman can behave like an idiotic teenager over someone I hardly know.

OP posts:
Delegator · 05/04/2019 05:33

I understand a crush can be all fun and exciting but you have a husband!

My advice: snap out of it and go out today so that you don’t see him.

If this person made an indication he liked you or made a pass at you, what would you do? From your OP it sounds like you’d do something and that’s called cheating.

Perhaps it’s a good thing he’s going today. You need to find the reason why you don’t get the same thrill and excitement from your husband anymore.

HumptyNumptyNooNoo · 05/04/2019 05:39

Oh gosh ! I second going out today - you are on dangerous ground here. Don't make a twat if yourself ! He probably gets this a lot - just enjoy the memories and thank your lucky stars that you have a wonderful husband . Just think how devastating this could all be if you 'go there'

elizaishere · 05/04/2019 05:48

I agree you should leave him to it today and distract yourself by going out somewhere.

Has he mentioned if he has a wife?

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borntobequiet · 05/04/2019 05:51

You’re 47 which may explain a lot. The perimenopause can do funny things to people. Your feelings will dissipate when he’s gone...

areyoubeingserviced · 05/04/2019 05:59

You have a crush, it happens to many people, particularly as you have seen this man a lot.
Don’t be surprised if you husband knows that you have this crush. My husband would know immediately if I was attracted to someone else.
You just have to fight the feelings and think about investing more energy into your relationship with your husband
Btw, I agree that you should go out today before you embarrass yourself

CountFosco · 05/04/2019 06:13

You’re 47 which may explain a lot. The perimenopause can do funny things to people. Your feelings will dissipate when he’s gone...

This in buckets. It's just your ovaries last gasp. There was a thread on here a year or two ago and loads of people had experienced massive inappropriate crushes in their 40s. If you can't go out tomorrow just make yourself busy and don't make a big deal of him leaving. It will fade (and since you've hardly spoken to him is based on physical attraction only).

HelicopteringBastard · 05/04/2019 06:20

I'm also voting for going out today, and putting this down to your ovaries' last gasp!

Original poster
Hormonal40something · 05/04/2019 06:26

Thank you so much! I expected to get lambasted for being married and fancying someone else. Laughing at your comment Humpty 😂 could quite easily make a twat of myself 🙈 yes perhaps I need to go out and stay out of the way 🙁 might just say hello then go 😥 I think my husband might have an inkling as he has teased me about him 😬 but I have tried to channel my fantasies in my hisnand’s direction so he’s not complaining 😜 also I now look like crap after a sleepless night 😐

OP posts:
EngagedAgain · 05/04/2019 06:53

Well as you're married to a wonderful man, lovely family and nice home, I would either be out when he leaves, or act normal when he goes. It's natural to get these odd crushes, but get it into perspective. You could end up feeling and looking very foolish. He probably is happily married. Maybe he is aware of how you feel, and doing the sensible thing and ignoring it.

Original poster
Hormonal40something · 05/04/2019 07:06

Bloody hell. Now I feel like an idiot 😳 I hope he doesn’t know.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery · 05/04/2019 08:03

Are you sure you’re 47? What with all the emojis 😛

Original poster
Hormonal40something · 05/04/2019 08:32

Yes I am. Although feeling about 15 at the mo 😬 Feel totally sick about seeing him and also about not seeing him ever again. Everyone is right though, it’s probably best he’s finishing. Hopefully I can get it/him out of my system.

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 05/04/2019 09:17

Crushes are perfectly healthy and normal.

EngagedAgain · 05/04/2019 09:46

So basically you're thinking about him while you and hubby are having sex 😚 nothing wrong in that, I expect we've all done it at some point! As for crushes over the years I've had a few, but keep them to myself.

EngagedAgain · 05/04/2019 09:55

A funny story, decades ago I saw a parking attendant in a car park and thought ooh, he looks handsome - until he took his cap off, and he was quite balding, and looked totally different. Then I saw him drive past in a three wheeler! Course being young I was quite choosy.

Original poster
Hormonal40something · 05/04/2019 10:01

😂 that’s v funny! I am going to be dignified and remain calm and if I think I can’t, I’ll go out.

OP posts:
dustyphoenix · 05/04/2019 10:09

OP, I'm going to be very blunt here. It sounds like you're hoping something will happen with him. People have given you very sensible advice (going out for the day) to help take steps to protect yourself and your marriage, and you don't seem to be taking it seriously. Why aren't you playing it safe? Cut this off at the root, don't out yourself in a compromising position - especially if you're feeling like you want to be in one!

Embarrassingbleugh · 05/04/2019 10:15

Op I feel you. I developed a crush on a senior colleague at work 2 months ago after I bumped into him and our eyes lockedBlush. He’s a 55 year old balding white haired guy who I never even thought was handsome until that moment. I’m also a happily married woman with a fantastic (younger) husband Grin and had never even had a celebrity crush since being with dh the last 13 years.

I fantasised about him for weeks, but it’s calming down now. I try to avoid him at work and that’s helped immensely. I still get the odd flutter but it’s never something I’d act on.

You’ll be fine once he leaves. You’ll forget about himGrin

LifeofClimb · 05/04/2019 10:16

Did he have some missing teeth? Grin

EngagedAgain · 05/04/2019 10:22

Who the car park attendant? I didn't get that close to him, thank goodness, as imagine the back pedalling ie, if I had approached him, then I notice missing teeth, then the hat comes off.

MiraculousMarinette · 05/04/2019 10:34

@LifeofClimb love the reference there! I wonder if anything came of that story...

Hazeintheclouds · 05/04/2019 10:47

Missing teeth? Whaaaat?

Palominoo · 05/04/2019 10:52

I call this the Fabio syndrome.

You project romantic and lustful feelings onto an ordinary, working chap and fantasise about him in your head as being a romantic sex God like Fabio the male model on all those corny romance novels.

Enjoy the fantasy of him taking you to giddy heights in your spare room but accept that in reality he probably goes home to his wife who moans he hasn't finished painting the bathroom that he started three months ago and that he will keep her up all night with his snoring.

Palominoo · 05/04/2019 10:54

Fabio

Pengrin · 05/04/2019 10:58

There’s at least one of these threads yearly.