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Original poster

Teenager & bedtimes.

63 replies

Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 28/03/2019 06:07

At what age did you or are you planning on letting your teenager decide bedtimes.

My son is fifteen and will be sixteen at Christmas.

I still tell him that he has to be in bed lying down at a certain time. I do this as he is a total night owl and would be up till 2am on a school night if I let him. He never goes straight to sleep and is still awake way past myself and my husband.

He is not allowed phone or iPad in his room at night. He thinks that he should be able to stay up as late as he wants every night. I let him stay up later on a Friday and Saturday.

I’m planning on doing this until he has done his GCSEs. Otherwise he would never get up to get the school bus at 8.30.

What do you do or did. I’m thinking next year after his GCSEs he is old enough to decide when to go to bed and if he is tired for college so be it?????? Yes no?

He thinks he should be allowed to do this now. And I properly would if I knew he would go to bed at a reasonably good time.

OP posts:

fleshmarketclose · 28/03/2019 06:50

I let mine decide their bedtimes once they went to secondary school tbh. They knew they had to get up for school the next day regardless of how much sleep they had. Very rarely did they stay up later than they should and if they did they tended to catch up at weekends.

DonPablo · 28/03/2019 06:53

I have a night owl 24 yo too. I can't force him to sleep! So he has to be in his room, screen free when I go to bed. He can read, fold origami (latest fad) or whatever until whenever as long as he's up at 6:30 for school.

Sometimes I hear him going to the loo after midnight but he's always up, so, no complaints here!

yearinyearout · 28/03/2019 06:56

Donpablo am I reading this correctly...you have a 24 year old and you tell them they have to be in bed screen free by a certain time?

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15 year olds Families

00100001 · 28/03/2019 07:04

It's clearly a typo and the child is 14.

00100001 · 28/03/2019 07:07

My DS15 goes up around 10, same a d me and DH. As I need my sleep, and DH is up at 5.50 for work.

No TV, no phone, no tech up there.

He tends to read. I have no idea what time he's asleep.

DonPablo · 28/03/2019 07:15

He's 14, not 24!

DonPablo · 28/03/2019 07:15

That would be well weird, wouldn't it?

IlluminatiConfirmed · 28/03/2019 07:19

We don't have bedtimes as such since kids were 10 and 12, maybe a little earlier. As soon as it becomes possible for them to go to school with little sleep and learn from it, it's fine in my books. I do make sure they're in bed at a reasonable time before an exam or a school trip, but not every day, although frankly they know they need to be sensible in these situations without my advice. Us parents both work full time and I don't want to be policing their bedtimes, it's their responsibility. If I were a sahm mum then I would possibly make more effort. Not sure.

uknownothingjonsnow · 28/03/2019 07:22

Mine tell me on a daily basis their bedtime is too early! They are 13 and 12 and in bed for 9-9.15. They watch tele and aren't allowed phones. They sleep through their 7.15 alarm and I have to wake them every day to get up. On a weekend they stay up till whatever time they like.

pilates · 28/03/2019 07:39

All the time he is at school I will be setting a reasonable bedtime and all gadgets out of bedroom (10ish). Interesting to see others get gadgets out as I was told this week I’m the only mum that insists on this. Weekend is later.

Original poster

Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 28/03/2019 07:40

I have instilled the idea about sleeping at a proper time. And he does understand this. He is so much like my husband who would stay up till 2am as well if he could.

OP posts:

Dramatical · 28/03/2019 07:40

Mine have been self regulating sleep since they left primary school! It only takes a couple of very late nights for them to realise it's easier to sleep.

Your son is lying awake because he isn't ready to sleep. That's actually worse for him than staying up late.

Original poster

Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 28/03/2019 07:45

So I should let him stay up till1am on a school night ? He has to get up at 7

OP posts:

anniehm · 28/03/2019 07:47

We backed off about 14 but even now (at 20!) I remind dd of the time of it's a university night, gently rather than "its past bedtime". Both of mine love their beds and sleep so just not a huge issue

adaline · 28/03/2019 07:47

He's nearly sixteen - definitely old enough to self-regulate.

You can't force someone to sleep and there's nothing worse than lying in a dark room for hours on end when you're wide awake!

If he doesn't go to bed until 1am he'll be tired. He's old enough to deal with being tired for a few days - he won't implode!

DonPablo · 28/03/2019 08:28

I'm sure mine is up at that hour sometimes. Interestingly, some nights after a hard day, he gets into bed as soon as he's home from school and has a nap. And at the weekends when his hockey matches are later in the day, he sleeps till midday. So eventually he does get his quota of sleep, just not at the hours I sleep! Try letting him decide and see what happens.

NChangeForNoReason · 28/03/2019 08:33

16yo stopped having a bed time at 13 however they had to be in their room from 10pm on a school night. On a weekend that had to be in their room from when we went to bed (so as not to disturb others). What they do in their room from that time until they go to sleep is up to them.

On a school day they had to be up at 7:45 to get ready and walk to school. On a weekend I would get them Up at midday at the latest.

3y of self regulating means I have a responsible 16yo that knows how much sleep they need on a regular basis to function for the planned activity the next day. They often go to bed at 9pm as they have X, Y or Z to do!

Original poster

Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 28/03/2019 09:09

So. Do you get them up in the morning. Or do u let them get up by themselves. He sleeps through his alarm and I’m convinced if I didn’t go and make him get up he would miss his bus everyday for school

OP posts:

beenhereages1 · 28/03/2019 09:17

I've got a son exactly the same age OP ( 16 in November). He doesn't have a set bedtime but normally takes himself off 10/10.30 on a school day, if not before if he's falling asleep. He knows if I wasn't happy with him choosing his own bedtime then I'd intervene.

He goes to sleep closer to midnight at the weekend but then obviously has the opportunity to sleep in Saturday/Sunday

Original poster

Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 28/03/2019 14:31

I can just see him staying up till midnight. At the moment when I say to him it’s time to lie down he says no as he has two mins left.

I’m going to try it for a few weeks and see what happens

OP posts:

NChangeForNoReason · 28/03/2019 17:31

Your son is 15 - if he can't get up for school himself then he should suffer the consequences the school set out. If u continue to baby him how will he learn?

Original poster

Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 28/03/2019 17:44

So a question to everyone whose 15/16 year old who go to bed on their own time. What do you do about phones and iPads. Do u Insist that they come out the room at a certain time or do u just leave them to it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 28/03/2019 17:46

Also. To answer the question about the bus. We live in the middle of nowhere. It’s a coach that comes and gets all the kids. So if he misses it. I would then have to take him to school. And I have to go to work.

OP posts:

Parsley65 · 28/03/2019 18:12

DD is in Y11 and 15. She would be up all night on her phone/ipad if we let her. She has to hand it in at 10 pm on school nights. We have much complaint and debate about this.

We've told her that she can keep it once 16 and at college, but if her grades start slipping we'll re-think...

Witchend · 28/03/2019 18:16

I have a 15yo who has to get up at 7:30. I usually tell her to be off her gadgets by 8:45, and then remind her 15 minutes later if it hasn't kicked her off (it's meant to).
My 18yo self regulates, but is very much a night owl. She's usually 11pm although she has to be up as early.

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