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Original poster

Dd 11 being mean to ds age 5, caught on camera

78 replies

Lardlizard · 10/03/2019 21:09

So me and dh were doing some work in the garden only for 30 mins

We let the dc play on a games console
So they would keepnout of any trouble

Anyway we set up the iPad to record, the dog as we wanted to see what the dog was upto and if it followed the rules when we were outside

Anyway we realised when we scanned through it at one point dd started to have a go at him
Saying how she hates it when he tries to get her into trouble and she went on a rant at him and shouted sssssshhh

Then few mins later while playing minecraft

Calling him names, Keeno try hard
Sweat bag and something else
About eight times

What would you make of this ?

OP posts:
Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 10/03/2019 22:14

So do YOU think she is routinely being vile to him behind your back?

Original poster
Lardlizard · 10/03/2019 22:20

I don’t know, I mean that’s why I was posting to see what people reactions to this are, you say vile yet others day normal and no big deal

The tone wasn’t good

OP posts:
Original poster
Lardlizard · 10/03/2019 22:20

I’ve never heard her call him
Names before

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 10/03/2019 22:27

She sounds like she was very irritated by his behaviour and took an opportunity to let him know it. It might suggest that he frequently tries to get her into trouble and she has had enough.

She was fairly low key in her meanness to be honest. Some childish name calling and telling him to shh.

How did he react? Did he seem concerned or upset?

They need to learn how to manage themselves and each other and they will only do that if you let them. You could talk to your dd about the incident where her brother tried to get her into more trouble and ask her how that made her feel. See if it gets a response.

Or you could just make sure you are modelling good behaviour and taking opportunities to point them both towards better relationships. It doesn’t sound too traumatic really

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 10/03/2019 22:33

Only you can know if the dynamic is every day bickering or abusive. No one here can tell you. I’d ask him.

Original poster
Lardlizard · 10/03/2019 22:35

Suppose it was just a suprise/shock as when we came back in the house said to them everything ok ? They both said yeah fine I said have you been arguing ? ( due to the previous him trying to get her in trouble) they both said no
Other than what they called one title squabble about the controller.....

OP posts:
Contraceptionismyfriend · 10/03/2019 22:48

I wouldn't ask him!
He's tried to get her in trouble recently. He'd just need a whiff of being able to manipulate OP to believe that he could make up some BS.

Passmethecrisps · 10/03/2019 22:53

So either everything was ok because they are resilient and cope ok or they were fibbing.

Ask her alone specifically about the incident with the games console today if you are concerned

Original poster
Lardlizard · 10/03/2019 23:00

He didn’t sound upset when she had a go at him he seemed to laugh it off
When she called him names, he just didn’t say much

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 10/03/2019 23:02

I'm glad the dog didn't eat the children (if you need to set up a cam to monitor the dog then surely there is a reason???)

Original poster
Lardlizard · 10/03/2019 23:24

Lol no the dog wouldn’t eat the children ! But if the dog did something they wouldn’t notice if playing

OP posts:
YogaWannabe · 10/03/2019 23:34

I don’t buy this business of recording because of ddog etc.
You were spying and the fact you’re posting here would suggest you had a reason to as I can’t imagine anyone posting for the reason you have stated as it’s fairly normal sibling behavior.

whywhywhy6 · 10/03/2019 23:35

I think you’re overreacting.

Drogosnextwife · 10/03/2019 23:41

I agree withYogaWannabe, there must be more to this why on earth would you be filming the dog for 30 mins?

DoomOnTheBroom · 10/03/2019 23:45

It's really strange that you were recording the dog, I get the impression you were actually recording your DC and are covering for it by saying you were filming the dog.

All siblings bicker and call each other names, they have to learn to negotiate it for themselves. With my DC I only get involved if I'm actually in the room, in which case I'll tell them to be more tolerant of one another, or if it crosses the line into nastiness (e.g., personal remarks, someone getting upset, hitting, etc) because if I step in at square one then they're never going to learn.

You should talk to your DD and DS individually and get their side of the story as to what happened and why, remind them to be nicer to each other, and stop filming them in future. It's weird.

LovingLola · 10/03/2019 23:46

As if you were recording the dog.
You were spying on your children.
That’s just very wrong.

goldengummybear · 10/03/2019 23:58

Do you have a sibling? (I'm guessing that you don't.)

Sounds perfectly fine to me and your ds was resilient and laughed at the "lecture"

SnuggyBuggy · 11/03/2019 07:31

This all sounds rather odd OP. How do you expect the two to behave to each other because, as people say, it's a big gap, opposite sex, probably not much in common. I wonder if you just have unrealistic expectations of them being super close or perfectly behaved.

PinkSmitterton · 11/03/2019 07:34

I was going to say it sounds like normal sibling bickering- unless DS' reaction suggested he was really upset and she kept going for him when it might veer into bullying.

As he seems un-traumatised I see nothing to worry about here. The fact that they both said there had been no problems when you came back in suggests that it really isn't a big deal.

It's pretty normal that they are slightly more polite to each other when you are around to witness it. Let them sort it the intricacies of their relationship, it is a good life lesson!

RickOShay · 11/03/2019 07:39

lard ‘sweaty tryhard’ is a fortnite term used for new players. It’s not parlicularly malicious.

hettie · 11/03/2019 07:39

Would you leave a 5 year old alone for 30 minutes? If not you are effectively asking your 11 year old to baby sit him. 11 years old so not normally seek out 5 year olds to play with, they have nothing in common. You are asking her to keep him entertained and manage his behaviour (including it sounds like that's to tell on her). This is not something an 11 year old has the skills to do and you shouldn't be imposing. Ok, we all thing siblings should play nicely, but my two have an under 3 year age gap and sometimes it hasn't been appropriate to leave them together...

fourquenelles · 11/03/2019 08:16

It can be a bit of a shock when you unexpectedly get an insight into your child's character that has been "hidden" from you before. It makes you reassess how you thought of them.

I was on a bus many years ago and saw my youngest DSS aged about 11 at the time at a bus stop with a friend. He didn't see me but I did see him giving enthusiastic V signs to the passengers on the lower deck and laughing. That shocked me to the core because it was so unlike the DSS I thought I knew.

“If you listen at doors, you hear what you deserve.”
― Mavis Gallant

AguerosAngel · 11/03/2019 08:24

I think you’re over reacting too.

I’m the eldest of four siblings (with a big age gap between each of us) and I can categorically say that I called my siblings rotten when I was younger, they drove me up the wall (and vice versa). Being the eldest isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be!

It’s just normal sibling stuff. I wouldn’t sweat it.

Adversecamber22 · 11/03/2019 08:32

I was expected to keep an eye on my younger sister a lot, I absolutely and completely resented this.

BrendaUrie · 11/03/2019 08:34

Why were you leaving your dog unattended with children anyway?