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Original poster

Does your DH ever leave the house without telling you he's going out?

101 replies

SeizeASalad · 02/03/2019 20:57

Is this normal? DH just leaves the house. He doesn't tell me he's going or anything and most of the time I hear the front door close and other times I've wondered where he is and looked in all the rooms in the house before I realise he's left.

He usually ignores my texts or sometimes doesn't even take his phone. This really annoys me but he thinks im.being controlling for him to tell me that's he's leaving the house and where he's going.

I disagree with him. I wouldn't refuse or anything but I think it's disrespectful of him to just leave. Im sure he wouldn't like it if I did the same.

OP posts:
dragonsfire · 02/03/2019 22:43

Do it to him one night and see how that goes down!

Nothingunpleasant · 02/03/2019 22:48

dragonsfire the problem with that is that op would have to talk the baby as he obviously can’t be trusted, so it’s not as if she could just pop out anywhere —like the pub— plus he might go out and not lock up because he assumes she’s in somewhere.

Tigger001 · 02/03/2019 22:58

It's not like he handed you the baby and left, you had already been upstairs with the baby for an hour and him downstairs. I also wouldn't be upstairs playing with the baby for an hour in the evening while he was downstairs. He may have thought it a non issue if you weren't doing anything together anyway.

My DH wouldn't just leave the house without shouting up he was going out but it's very rare he checks his phone if he's out and about and it's normally on silent.

Are you controlling on other ways? Do you normally spend time together or are you quite separate people, it's a very singular thing to do

justasking111 · 02/03/2019 22:58

OH does this, and leaves his phone at home. He thinks of something he needs for car, garden, hobby and pops out without a word. I know to check if the car is there. The family think he is weird. His defence is that at work the phone never stops, people need him all the time and he likes to switch off from responsibility.

He goes nuts if I do not answer my phone though when I am out. Even though I always say where I am going. My fault is that I will not talk whilst driving or my phone is on silent, in my handbag at the back of the car. Grin

Nothingunpleasant · 02/03/2019 23:08

“...and he likes to switch off from responsibility”.

Like his family? Hmm

Grandadwasthatyou · 02/03/2019 23:10

Height of bad manners and totally disrespectful.

neveragainbob · 02/03/2019 23:14

My DH doesn’t even go to the loo without telling everyone in the house!

Tigger001 · 02/03/2019 23:22

@Nothingunpleasant dragonsfire the problem with that is that op would have to talk the baby as he obviously can’t be trusted

Why would he not be trusted with the baby, did I miss something of the OP?

Notcontent · 02/03/2019 23:23

It’s really rude and strange to be honest. It’s almost treating the other person like a lowly servant... when you have children, it’s completely unacceptable, for the reasons outlined by other posters.

OhTheRoses · 02/03/2019 23:23

Hmm. We have a conversation on a weekend morning that roughly goes:
What are you up to
Gardening/laundry
Barbers/drycleaners
We know if the other is in when we leave and do not shout bye
I find that normal

converseandjeans · 02/03/2019 23:27

It isn't usual when you have a baby or small child to consider. Sounds like he is trying to get out of being responsible for anything other than himself. It's a bit juvenile I would say. Bit different if you were young with no responsibility other than yourselves.

notacooldad · 02/03/2019 23:27

Neither of us have ever done that to each other ever! Even the lads who are around 20 always say where they are off too and when they are back and give a quick kiss. Even if it is only to the co op!

IrishCypriot · 02/03/2019 23:28

This is very weird and disrespectful behaviour.

What I would like to do in this situation is wait until DH went out, wait a while then call him and say "just at the shop, do you need anything? Is baby ok?" And then have him panic when he thinks that you've both left baby at home without checking in with the other.

I'm not sure I would do this as it is vindictive and sinks to his level, but it would certainly make him see sense.

Seriously would consider doing what PPs have suggested and leave him with baby one day without saying anything and switch phone off while you go for a nice indulgent spa treatment or something!

thenightsky · 02/03/2019 23:32

In 38 years of marriage DH has never just slammed the door and buggered off. He (and me) have always said where we are going, before going.

Nothingunpleasant · 02/03/2019 23:38

Tigger001 if he doesn’t tell his wife he’s going out, and she just walks out without telling him one night, he could just leave the house also and the baby would be alone!

Smotheroffive · 02/03/2019 23:53

I don't get why ppl.would do this to each other, I also don't understand why pp thinks he did it because OP was so rude?!

Does he know your MN username?????

I think he's weird, and if he has actually done this as a result of your being busy upstairs with baby, then its extremely PA of him.
He's also gas-lighting you.
Doing a reverse on you, and other shizz.

Frankly, hes not wanting to put any effort iinto the relationshipnrelationship and trying to make you doubt yourself, at beat its childish, at worst hes an abusive twunt. If this is the only thing he does resembling these kinds of tactics, then its something needs broaching when you both have time to have a reasoned convo. If he's like this in other ways and calling you controlling I would be trying to extricate myself, quietly.

That isn't a relationship.

Tigger001 · 02/03/2019 23:53

So if she would leave the house without telling him, does that mean neither are fit to look after the baby?
The baby was upstairs in its mothers care ?

I would assume he wouldn't be the only one in the room, holding the baby, then just put it down and leave without checking OP was in, or I am giving him too much credit @SeizeASalad ?

Mrskeats · 02/03/2019 23:57

No he doesn’t cos he’s not a twat. Ridiculous behaviour.

Smotheroffive · 02/03/2019 23:58

Going on that behaviour being ok by him, baby could be upstairs in bed and OP changed and headed out to nip to a friends for a quick Saturday night drink and a catch up.

The thing is him doing this regularly might mean he's actually doing something that he doesn't want to say.

MitziK · 02/03/2019 23:58

If he thinks I'm still asleep and have had problems sleeping/have been ill, he would. But only round the corner/to the nearest few shops.

If he intends to go out in the afternoon but leaves it a bit late, he'll usually wait until I get home if I'm due to leave work to let me know, too, rather than just not be there (not that it bothers me anyhow). He also tends to delay going out in the evening until after I've come back and lets me know at least five days in advance if there's something like that in the offing.

I think he's being courteous - personally, if he's asleep, I would usually leave a note, and if he's out, I'd leave a note or text him (but probably wouldn't wait unless he's genuinely less than five minutes away).

It's a long, long away from when I was with one of my exes, where I would literally creep out of the door, hoping he wouldn't notice because if he realised I was leaving the house, I'd be subjected to 'I'll go, you stay indoors/I'll come with you/why are you trying to sneak out/who are you meeting/it's a man, isn't it' bollocks for fucking hours.

Nothingunpleasant · 03/03/2019 00:01

Tigger001 someone suggested that the op just walk out one night, as he does. She hasn’t and doesn’t actually do it!!

And then I made the point she would have to take the baby with her if she did!

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 03/03/2019 00:03

No no one in my house does this. Dh and I tell each other and the kids tell us and we tell the kids (they're teenagers).
I find that very strange

SlinkyDinkyDoo · 03/03/2019 00:06

Only if I'm still asleep as happened this morning when he went to the gym and the supermarket but he did tell our DD.

timeisnotaline · 03/03/2019 00:11

Very rude, and completely unacceptable if there are small children. If I trusted him with the baby I would definitely do it to him, and if I didn’t then there are bigger problems, but I would probably just take baby and not be there when he got home with no message, but answer my phone and stay somewhere else.
I’m not the default parent so I suspect my relationship would be heading to an end if he didn’t get it after this- I couldn’t handle the lack of respect and consideration.

Tigger001 · 03/03/2019 00:25

@Nothingunpleasant I was just wondering why you said he couldn't be trusted with the baby ?

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