Totally gobsmacked over 4 year old

[cjt110]

My son(4) has just had a massive meltdown at a play gym. We went with friends and he didnt want his orange and said his friend could have it. Then once only one segment was left decided he wanted it.

This resulted in kicking screaming punching. I ended up removing him from the playgym and coming home. He also bit me. This is all mostly out of character. I've sent him straight to bed.

Hes been in there 10 mins and is crying and talking to himself. What do I do? Do I leave him to it or bring him out or what

She’s now a horrible adult with zero respect for her mum
I have a friend who’s mum “set boundaries” and decided harsh punishments were the order of the day.

She has zero respect for her mum.

@yabbers, yes, and the OP has admitted that he had seemed much better the day before and that also in hindsight it wasn’t the best idea to take him out. I just feel like constructive advice is better than making people upset over choices they’ve made in the past that they obviously thought was the right decision at the time. But hey ho!

@7salmonswimming has written almost exactly what I was going to say, and probably phrased it better than I would too.

You aren’t alone OP; it took us a while to realise that shocking, out of character, bad behaviour was normally linked to coming down with something.

He isn’t coming down with something though. He is actually poorly.

Your children wouldn’t dare bite, but they pinch?

Your shitty parenting has failed somewhere hasn’t it? They won’t respect you when they’re older. They’ll be frightened of you, but not respectful.

@Bellatrix14 I get that, but I’m just gobsmacked that anyone could be gobsmacked that a child who was poorly the day before yesterday has acted out and not deal with it with some sympathy. Hindsight would have been realising when he kicked off massively, that it hadn’t been a good idea. But it took a post on MN for her to realise that.

I’m getting on a bit and mine and my friends’ kids are mostly young adults.

The most harshly parented kid I know is also the most broken adult; utterly lacking in self esteem and confidence. The most liberally parented is very confident but a bit of a selfish git.

Mine are somewhere in the middle. If I could turn the clock back though, I’d probably have been a bit kinder.

So the OP messed up Yabbers most of us have done it, she realises she’s done it and probably won’t do it again.

What point are you trying to make? Are you suggesting we all pile in and throw stones at her or something?

He has been ok since 8am yesterday. You wouldnt know he had been ill and i thought he'd enjoy time out with his friends. I wouldnt have even considered it if he seemed not up to it. But he did.

I've never ever had him kick off like that, nor send him to his room. I was asking advice about how to deal with it - I.e. leave him in his room or not. Not about my judgment on my childs health

He slept for an hour and we sat and had cuddles and a chat on the sofa afterwards.

It's all done and forgotten.

Thanks for those who advised appropriately

I’m very happy with my parenting. My mum brought us up harsh

reminds me of those clearly-unhappy and often messed up adults who said "being beaten never did me any harm!"

Agree sea

My mum brought us up harsh

Yeah, it shows.

OP a tired recovering from an illness child unable to control their emotions is normal at 4. They are in the process of learning how to control their emotions and that kicking and screaming is not appropriate behaviour. Tiredness/hunger/illness tend to make this harder hence the perfectly normal reaction focussed on you

Bakerbear however a 6 year old pinching her sibling isn’t, your parenting isn’t firm but it is harsh and punitive and is resulting in sneaky and manipulative behaviour. The OP was because he was unable to control his emotions, your daughters was deliberate and your punishment completely over the top. And proves it isn’t working

Haha Bakerbear you tit. Don't judge other people's parenting when your 6 year old hasn't been taught that pinching is not ok!

Hope you're both ok now OP.

If he is unwell with a viral infection maybe he wasn’t well enough to be out.