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Original poster

Totally gobsmacked over 4 year old

88 replies

cjt110 · 02/03/2019 13:49

My son(4) has just had a massive meltdown at a play gym. We went with friends and he didnt want his orange and said his friend could have it. Then once only one segment was left decided he wanted it.

This resulted in kicking screaming punching. I ended up removing him from the playgym and coming home. He also bit me. This is all mostly out of character. I've sent him straight to bed.

Hes been in there 10 mins and is crying and talking to himself. What do I do? Do I leave him to it or bring him out or what

OP posts:
Alb1 · 02/03/2019 15:30

baker your parenting sounds horrible, a middle ground does exist you no. You can be strict without going completely OTT, dread to think what you'd do if she bit someone.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 02/03/2019 15:32

Poorly children do not act out.

Grin

You’ve clearly landed on this planet in the last hour and haven’t yet left baggage reclaim!

MrHaroldFry · 02/03/2019 15:33

He is likely tired/unwell/thirsty.
Small people have BIG emotions at the best of times and this is especially true when they are any of the above.

CherryPavlova · 02/03/2019 15:33

BakerBear I agree with much of what you say. Too many excuses for shabby behaviour. Delirium? Seriously? Clearly never seen a truly sick child.
I am not sure shouting is best action - but we are all human and at least it’s an unequivocal message. Strong firm voice is better, in my mind.

I do think cuddling and appeasing a tantrum is giving a really confusing message about acceptable behaviour and consequences though. The cuddle comes after the apology.

kmammamalto · 02/03/2019 15:33

Agree with above. I don't know why baker thinks it's okay to shout at a six year old. Shouting is only nessesary if there's danger and attentions need got immediately. If you're going to call others parenting wet, be prepared to be told yours is horrid. The child is 4. So he made a mistake. Be kind to yourself OP, have a rest while he does then give him a big hug when he wakes up and have a nice snuggly afternoon .

BakerBear · 02/03/2019 15:33

I can take my children ANYWHERE and know they will not throw themselves on the floor, tantrum etc.

My children wouldn’t dare bite anyone.

I’m a very firm parent and the kids know the boundaries

EffYouSeeKaye · 02/03/2019 15:34

4.5 hours in her room?? Shock

ILoveMaxiBondi · 02/03/2019 15:35

Being shouted at

That’s a lack of discipline on your part. You weren’t parented well if you think shouting equates to good discipline.

Went on the naughty step

Studies have proven the naughty step ineffective but ok, it’s not awful. 6 minutes I assume?

Had to stay in her room with no toys for 4.5 hours

Idiotic.

Had the trip out that she was going to that day cancelled.

Fine.

You have your daughter 4 punishments for a pinch.

You need to attend parenting classes. Once you’re settled on earth.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 02/03/2019 15:36

My children wouldn’t dare bite anyone.

But they will pinch.

I’m a very firm parent and the kids know the boundaries

Expect the one about pinching.

Also. Theyre only 6 and 21 months. Grin

BakerBear · 02/03/2019 15:38

It was a pinch that wouldn’t then escalate into a kick or a bite at a later time.

Nip it in the bud straightaway and start as you mean to go on.

You may think I’m very harsh, but I’m not the one with children who have assaulted me.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 02/03/2019 15:38

Oh Baker if you want to be judgy, none of mine would ever ever dream of slyly pinching a baby sibling.

I’d sooner take the odd tantrum thank you.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 02/03/2019 15:38

You may think I’m very harsh, but I’m not the one with children who have assaulted me.

No she just assaults her brother Smile

7salmonswimming · 02/03/2019 15:39

Don’t worry about it OP. Lesson learned. Next time you see this kind of behaviour, ask him if he’s not feeling well and remind him what happened today. It might help him.

Tonsillitis probably explains why he didn’t want the orange, btw. He was probably just upset that he wanted it, knew it wouldn’t be a good idea with his throat, and got upset when his friend had it instead.

When he wakes up, bring him down to the sofa and cuddle him. While you’re doing that, talk to him. Ask him what happened and why he was feeling so angry. Just listen. But definitely get the message across that whatever happens, biting etc isn’t allowed. You have to give him an alternative way to express his anger: “next time, just tell me what you’re thinking”, “next time, walk over to me and without yelling tell me what’s happened” etc.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 02/03/2019 15:40

Maybe he is sickening for something? DS is pretty chilled but would be a little monster just before he succumbed to a bug.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 02/03/2019 15:42

Sorry I must read the thread! DS got me every time - he would be a horror and I’d forget that this was a precursor to some illness.

BakerBear · 02/03/2019 15:42

She did assault him and that’s why I made sure I knew she wouldn’t dare do it again.

I’m very happy with my parenting. My mum brought us up harsh.

My cousin used to slap my aunt and her parenting was wet.

She’s now a horrible adult with zero respect for her mum

WordsFailMeAgain · 02/03/2019 15:43

I can only assume this a lie, only because your son’s shoes are ‘very clean” and “he carefully reclined”Grin
Judging on my own son

WordsFailMeAgain · 02/03/2019 15:44

Oops wrong threadConfused thought it was the garden centre thread!!

ILoveMaxiBondi · 02/03/2019 15:44

She did assault him and that’s why I made sure I knew she wouldn’t dare do it again.

But you said she knew the boundaries. Clearly she didn’t. Your harsh parenting failed her.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 02/03/2019 15:44

You aren’t alone OP; it took us a while to realise that shocking, out of character, bad behaviour was normally linked to coming down with something.

And actually even mild bad behaviour was often linked to being tired or hungry.

Parenting is an ongoing learning process.

Huskylover1 · 02/03/2019 15:49

Why on earth would you reward horrendous behaviour with a cuddle?

Bonkers.

AhhhHereItGoes · 02/03/2019 15:50

I agree a lot of parenting is very soft @BakerBear - but I think being firm and being harsh are different.

Also, 4 year olds are impulsive so learning the lesson may not stop her repeating the act.

Difference being:

Firm - you will not be going to x place tomorrow as you hurt your little brother.

Harsh: you will go to bed, eat alone and not go out tomorrow.

JacquesHammer · 02/03/2019 15:55

She did assault him and that’s why I made sure I knew she wouldn’t dare do it again

Parenting via fear is poor parenting.

WifOfBif · 02/03/2019 15:56

Seriously Baker? You think that’s good parenting?

Oh dear. Come back in 15 years and let us know how that’s worked out for you.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 02/03/2019 15:57

Have you even read the thread Husky?