Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Should I have said thank you?

94 replies

Lilyabelle · 27/02/2019 16:44

So, I’m probably being over-sensitive about this but I’d be keen to know what people think. I popped out for a walk with my four month old son in his pram as the weather is so beautiful. On our way home we have to go up a steep hill, which has quite a narrow pavement. There were two women walking in tandem down the hill towards me and as they passed one went behind the other so we could all fit (otherwise I would have been pushed into the road!). Literally as I walked past one of them said loudly, “You’re welcome” - I can’t decide if it was sarcastic... Is it just me or was that uncalled for and a bit pathetic? I wouldn’t expect a thank you if me and a friend had done the same for someone else!

My DH will tell me not to give it a second thought and I’m sure I’ll forget about it in a day or two, but manners are hugely important to me and I feel a bit rubbish now after having had a lovely day with my DS. Perhaps I’m just being incredibly hormonal but it felt a bit aggressive and I hate confrontation. Thoughts, please! Then I’ll get a life 😉

OP posts:

ScreamingValenta · 27/02/2019 18:39

It's a shame when someone does something nice, then undoes the kindness of the act by making a passive-aggressive comment. The two cancel each other out, so you shouldn't feel bad about not thanking her.

Fishwifecalling · 27/02/2019 18:40

A quick thanks and a smile would have been nice but it's over and done with now. Don't sweat it.

BertrandRussell · 27/02/2019 18:44

Of course you should have said thank you. But no big deal- forget about it now!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Behaviour & development General relationships

hugoagogo · 27/02/2019 18:45

As soon as the other person said a passive aggressive 'You're welcome' I would cease to worry about them.
I probably would have nodded and smiled at people in a similar situation, but really it's such a basic courtesy it doesn't need an actual thank you.
Lots of people are arseholes Op I really wouldn't worry about it.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 27/02/2019 18:49

I would definitely have said thank you. I probably wouldnt have done the sarcastic “you’re welcome” but I would have been thinking it.

postitnot · 27/02/2019 18:56

Read the other thread on 'patriarchy chicken'! She was on 'your' side of the path.
I wouldn't have said thank you automatically, maybe just smiled as I went passed. However steep hill plus buggy- probably not. Don't worry about it she sounds like a misery.

SparkiePolastri · 27/02/2019 19:27

She was in your way, so of course she should have moved. By moving she enabled you your right if way. It's not the same as, say, waiting and holding the door open for someone.

I absolutely would've said thank you, just because it's nice to exchange pleasantries, but it's not as if the hogger went above and beyond for the OP.

KittensAndCake · 27/02/2019 19:32

I don’t say thanks at a zebra crossing as it is a legal requirement for cars to stop.

🤭 Rude

It really isn't.

It really is.

Don't worry OP, you're obviously normally polite, pushing a pram up a steep hill, you can be forgiven 😉

ThanksItHasPockets · 27/02/2019 19:32

I don’t say thanks at a zebra crossing as it is a legal requirement for cars to stop.

It’s a legal requirement for a shop assistant to hand me my change but I still say thank you when they do. A nod or wave of acknowledgement really doesn’t cost you anything.

Bluntness100 · 27/02/2019 19:38

It is completely normal social etiquette and basic manners to say thanks if someone moves out of your way. I'm curious how you don't know this and have to ask? This can't be the first time someone has ever moved for you, or you them, so I struggle to understand how you don't know?

AlexaAmbidextra · 27/02/2019 19:42

All these posters who wouldn’t say thank you because cars legally have to stop, people shouldn’t be walking two abreast. Don’t you think it just makes the world a nicer place and our days a bit brighter if we just try to be nice to each other? Really, what does it cost you to be polite? How does a quick smile and two short words hurt you?

Froggyface · 27/02/2019 21:20

Imagine being that angry that you couldn’t wave a hand to say thank you?

ScreamingValenta · 28/02/2019 07:25

Posters who thank cars for stopping at a crossing - if you're driving or in a car/bus, do you wave at people out of the window when they're waiting at a crossing in order to let you drive by while the lights are green?

DarlingNikita · 28/02/2019 09:46

Really, what does it cost you to be polite? How does a quick smile and two short words hurt you?

I've already said this but maybe it bears repeating: I've never seen a driver thanking me (or any other pedestrian) for not crossing at a red traffic light; when I do, I'll start thanking them for stopping at zebra crossings for me.

littlecabbage · 28/02/2019 09:58

If someone moves out of your way on a narrow path which is only the width of one person, then yes, of course you should thank them.

But if some people are blocking both sides of a path that two people should be able to pass each other on, then no, you shouldn't have to thank them for deciding not to continue blocking it fully!

ThanksItHasPockets · 28/02/2019 11:12

I've never seen a driver thanking me (or any other pedestrian) for not crossing at a red traffic light; when I do, I'll start thanking them for stopping at zebra crossings for me.

When you cross at a zebra crossing there is a period of several seconds where the car is stationary and you are in front of them. There is a good chance that you will have made eye contact with the drivers when looking left and right to check if it’s safe to cross. There aren’t many occasions when pedestrians and motorists directly interact and this is one of them. An acknowledgment from the pedestrian takes the barest of efforts.

When a motorist drives past a pelican crossing they are likely travelling at four or five times the speed of a walking pace. There isn’t time to make eye contact and even if there were the driver would have to take their eyes off the road. There is no direct interaction and the situation is not comparable.

I don’t understand a world view where every tiny action needs to fit into a perfect system of reciprocity, rather than one where we all take the little opportunities to be courteous to one another and it all pretty much evens out in the end.

AlexaAmbidextra · 28/02/2019 13:18

That sounds very petulant and rather childish. I couldn’t be arsed to keep tabs on the balance of who says what to who tbh.

Gentlemanwiththistledownhair · 28/02/2019 13:44

For all those saying they wouldn't say thanks because they were in OP's way, well surely to them OP was in their way?! Especially with a buggy... One group had to move over to accommodate the other, it's only polite to acknowledge the gesture, either with eye contact, smile and nod or a quick "thanks".

Although I always thank cars who stop for me at crossings, either by a nod or raising my hand. But then I live semi-rurally and people seem to do this more than in the nearest city. Perhaps that's a reason for the differences on here? In the city you're forever moving to accommodate each other / crossing roads, so it seems like less of an inconvenience?

SparkiePolastri · 28/02/2019 17:35

For all those saying they wouldn't say thanks because they were in OP's way, well surely to them OP was in their way?!

Hardly - half the pavement is for people walking in one direction. The other half of the pavement is for people walking in the opposite the direction.

They were taking up both sides of the pavement. Only they were in the way.

Flip

1 2 3 4