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Original poster

Is it selfish to buy a rolex

130 replies

Summeriscomin · 26/02/2019 20:10

When you have a family to support?

My OH wants a Rolex for his 30th birthday. £9500 which he wants me to pay a small contribution to £500 or so. Which will leave me with not much to spend on him.

He’ll pay a larger portion out of savings he’s accumulated over time. And then the rest will be paid on a monthly direct debit.

I said he can do as he pleases as he works hard but I did portray my confusion of why he would want one. Perhaps as a 50/60th present to himself when his dependents have grown but he has a young family to support.

It comes across to me as selfish as it’s to portray an image to others but who cares what other strangers think. In my opinion the money could be spent on better things.

He justifies it that he works hard (he does), he/we can afford it & that he’s always wanted one. And that it’s an asset and won’t lose money.

So who do you think is right in this Situation. Happy to accept I may be wrong but I’m the least flashiest person in the world. Don’t own nor want any designer things so I just don’t get it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Summeriscomin · 27/02/2019 13:28

I actually have asked many many many times to have some of the savings in my account. He takes offence.

I actually send over my wages every month to an account but this month I will keep them until I have my £4,000 equivalent.

Honestly this is just the tip of the ice berg. I could literally cry with how unfair things have become.

Last year was the worst of my life due to his selfish childish antics. He continually went out partying, taking drugs and his work trips were like a lads holiday. Several times he came home at 6am and lied about where he was.

I was stuck as I didn’t have a job but now I’m not and I’m genuinely fuming at how pathetic I have became and why I allow this shit all the time.

OP posts:
EntirelyAnonymised · 27/02/2019 13:35

The watch is so not the problem here.

GiveMeSteam · 27/02/2019 13:37

I’m sorry OP Flowers

I don’t have any good advice I’m afraid but I’m thinking it might be a good idea to start a new thread in Relationships? As this obviously goes a lot deeper than the Rolex issue, which is clearly representative of your partner’s general attitude towards his family.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Clothing General shopping
GroggyLegs · 27/02/2019 13:41

So... He piles all his money into a watch - a 'gift' for him, from you? And you say you're having a rough time a the minute? And he lies?

That's one clever way of hiding all his cash for when things go tits up.

You need your own pot of money (and i need to do similar for myself, you're not alone there in being too trusting).

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/02/2019 13:41

Does he own the house or are you both on the deeds?

Pedallleur · 27/02/2019 13:46

I can only comment on the watch so which model of Rolex is it? Some do gain in value over time (the steel sports models which are currently in short supply think 2 years wait unless a premium over rrp is paid). Others (most of them) tend to dip in value. A better buy is pre-owned where a lot of the initial price is gone. if buying new then interest free credit is available. if you/he can afford it that's fine but it is a luxury and if you have bills/debts then they should take priority

ShirleyPhallus · 27/02/2019 13:48

The watch is so not the problem here.

This

Original poster
Summeriscomin · 27/02/2019 13:52

Yes it’s not the problem alone. It’s a massive web of things that have occurred over the last year or so. It’s hard to explain.

I try to make things better, forgive him trust him but his decisions confuse and annoy me. And as much as I wish myself and the kids are his priority deep down I know it’s never going to be that way and it hurts so much.

Yes we’re both on the mortgage and both own the house.

OP posts:
TheFaerieQueene · 27/02/2019 13:57

I can’t imagine why anyone would borrow money for jewellery.

sunshineandshowers21 · 27/02/2019 14:16

my boyfriend has one that his boss bought for him as a bonus and he wears it everyday - but he wouldn’t have bought one for himself as there are far better things we could do as a family with that amount of money. as others have said though i think the watch issue is the least of your problems.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 27/02/2019 14:19

I'm sorry, how much?!

I had no idea watches cost that much.

It's a colossal waste of money whether you can afford it or not. What's wrong with a Casio from Argos? Does the same thing and you can go swimming in it (and it has a torch).

AdoraBell · 27/02/2019 14:20

Are you married? Sorry if I’ve missed something.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 27/02/2019 14:24

Get yourself down the bank and transfer £10,000. Don't ask, just do. That's £4,000 to compensate for his personal savings and then £6,000 which is half the remaining savings. That's your money, not his.
You have to protect yourself. Sorry lovely but this isn't looking good. Drugs and going off grid drinking is not going to end well. There may even be shagging around in there somewhere if he's lying about his whereabouts.
Time to make an exit strategy and that starts with getting control of the money.

AdoraBell · 27/02/2019 14:31

You are not pathetic. You have been beaten down by the lies and denial. That wasn’t your doing and you can don’t need his permission to turn it around.

Skinniesandconverse · 27/02/2019 14:57

Sorry, this sounds really tough OP. I posted earlier regarding his selfishness, but clearly there's so much more going on.

Really glad to hear you both own the house.

Do you have anyone you could talk to about how you're feeling? Offline I mean. Friends? Family?

combatbarbie · 27/02/2019 15:13

You've got a much bigger problem than the watch here OP but I think you are starting to see that.

How are house and childcare bills paid? You say he controls the finances, can you access them online etc?

I think when you updated and said his bonus money will pay the remainder, money you've never accounted for anyway I did think that's not too bad BUT I still wouldn't be happy.

MyDcAreMarvel · 27/02/2019 15:17

I don’t understand people who work hard and then only spend for the benefit of the family and never spend money on themselves
Because the majority of people rightly prioritise their children when it comes to spending money. Plenty of time pre and post children for frivolous wants.

needsleepzzz · 27/02/2019 15:39

We have a similar house hold income OP and i would not be happy at all is my husband wanted to blow that much on a watch seeing as some is on credit card, i would also refuse to chip in.
If he saves and can buy outright then that's his choice without it impacting you.

oreoxoreo · 27/02/2019 16:29

I would be so unimpressed. In fact my boyfriend would like to have one. Meh!

Littleraindrop15 · 27/02/2019 20:33

I don't think the watch in itself is an issue.. Do you actually want to be with someone so flaky? I wouldn't want to marry someone for the sake of marrying if there are so many issues as it is.

Xx

Fifthtimelucky · 27/02/2019 21:10

I agree that the watch is not the main problem. I certainly wouldn't want to be planning a wedding the way things seem to be at the moment.

WineAndTiramisu · 27/02/2019 21:22

I think the watch issue is the tip of a very large iceberg here...

augustusglupe · 29/12/2019 21:53

I got a Rolex for my 50th a few years ago. I’d always wanted one and I love it. Having said that I waited til we could absolutely afford it and I’m mid 50s. I love it so much I don’t care if I never have another watch.
I would never have stretched the finances to get one though.
Always said to DH, if we can’t comfortably afford something then we’ll do without.
I think he should wait and get one when he’s older.

augustusglupe · 29/12/2019 22:02

Just re read your post OP. It’s true, mine has gone up in value to buy new. But to sell second hand I would likely get less than I paid.
Unless it’s a rare Rolex, don’t let him convince you that it wouldn’t lose money, as it likely would.

FruitcakeOfHate · 29/12/2019 22:10

You would be a fool to marry this selfish, financially controlling wanker.

I inherited a gold Rolex with a diamond bezel. It stays locked up in a safe deposit box as I don't fancy being mugged for it. I inherited a stainless steel Cartier tank watch from the same aunt and that I wear.

But if you have to buy a watch on finance you can't afford it.