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Original poster

Is it selfish to buy a rolex

130 replies

Summeriscomin · 26/02/2019 20:10

When you have a family to support?

My OH wants a Rolex for his 30th birthday. £9500 which he wants me to pay a small contribution to £500 or so. Which will leave me with not much to spend on him.

He’ll pay a larger portion out of savings he’s accumulated over time. And then the rest will be paid on a monthly direct debit.

I said he can do as he pleases as he works hard but I did portray my confusion of why he would want one. Perhaps as a 50/60th present to himself when his dependents have grown but he has a young family to support.

It comes across to me as selfish as it’s to portray an image to others but who cares what other strangers think. In my opinion the money could be spent on better things.

He justifies it that he works hard (he does), he/we can afford it & that he’s always wanted one. And that it’s an asset and won’t lose money.

So who do you think is right in this Situation. Happy to accept I may be wrong but I’m the least flashiest person in the world. Don’t own nor want any designer things so I just don’t get it.

OP posts:
appointmentsaretheworst · 27/02/2019 06:45

So you're doing the bulk of child care, while working almost full time, to save for a wedding. He's working and away a lot, has his kids looked after, could afford to pay for the wedding but wants a designer watch instead.

I don't really understand why he has separate savings and you have none. If you're raising the kids and he's working a job then all money is family money.

I think you have much bigger problems than just the watch.

Original poster
Summeriscomin · 27/02/2019 06:46

Actually I’m selling myself short. When I say for the majority of the time I didn’t work - I didn’t work for 2.5 years. The rest of it I did work and we both saved my income.

OP posts:
Original poster
Summeriscomin · 27/02/2019 06:48

He has separate savings as this £4500 was bonus from his work. He controls and sorts the money and I usually just go along with it as he’s better at it than me. But the Rolex situation is difficult to just go along with.

Yes there is more issues than the Rolex I agree. Our relationship has been bad for 6-12 months. We’re struggling

OP posts:

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appointmentsaretheworst · 27/02/2019 06:48

Anyway we want to get married and he wants this watch. So about 6 months ago I done the math and realised I had to go back to work otherwise we couldn’t afford it all.

I don't understand. He's been putting money away for himself rather than into the joint pot, but was aware that you were going back to work because you need the money.

Whackaguacamole · 27/02/2019 06:48

I'd missed that you weren't married (and would like to be)
Think you're very smart to have returned to work, never sacrifice your earning potential if you're not married.
If you've no savings if your name and have worries about his occasional selfish behaviour I'd be saying he can do what he likes but you won't be contributing. Spend £100 on a present and start saving your £400 in your own name.

Otherwise I think my personal head view would be you can afford it, spend it, it's good to stimulate the economy! But my heart would say never! I'm risk averse though

Whereareyouspot · 27/02/2019 06:54

I would have HUGE issues if this was my DH.
On so many levels

Waste of money, selfish, refusing the discuss properly, sulking, prioritising vain wants over financial security etc

I couldn’t be with a man like that and I know it sounds dramatic but I am completely not flashy so never really understand the need to be.

He’s a father. This trumps everything. Financial security is so important especially when jobs get lost, people get ill etc but kids still need clothes.

His sulking about you ruining his excitement when you quite rightly try to discuss it is also massively off putting.

Good luck with this as he sounds like there will be no stopping him and anything you say is twisted as being mealy mouthed

I sure wouldn’t be giving him any cash towards it though. Who spends £500 on their partners bday? That’s ridiculous. He’s like a spoilt teenager wanting the latest flash gadget. Very unattractive.

TurkishSilkRug · 27/02/2019 07:06

It’s true that buying a Rolex is a better use of money than blowing £10k on a wedding/party but can see your point too.

Could you ask him to look at preowned ones? They are often pristine with boxes and papers.

I got my dad a Patek Philippe for his 60th and he always says how good a present it is as he looks at it multiple times throughout the day and it’s actually useful.

Either way he obviously wants it very much, he is discussing it with you and most of it comes from savings plus you own a house etc. It’s not the end of the world financially if he gets it, and the upside is he is probably not going to need another watch ever again.. you can get him something else small and meaningful but cheap, separately.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 27/02/2019 09:00

Okay, so he gets this. And what happens next time he sees something expensive that he wants? My brother is like this and over the years has squandered thousands on watches and cars. He's not content with just one expensive watch.
Clearly getting married isn't the priority for him. In your shoes, I'd say fine, get the watch, but I'd transfer £4,500 to my personal savings account and ask for a £10,000 birthday present.
He's telling you that he considers his role more important than yours and the money more 'his' than yours. But he'd be royally screwed trying to do his job if you weren't doing yours. Men with 2 kids don't get to move abroad for 9 months unless they have a lot of support from their partner. They don't get to work full on if they are doing their 50% childcare. He's taking the piss.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 27/02/2019 09:04

I would say if you're rich enough to be able to buy it outright, lucky you, crack on! However, since you (or rather he) would have to finance it, then no way. What if one of you loses your job or gets a long term illness, heaven forbid? Seems like a very selfish act when as you have a young family to support.

My dad had a very convincing knock-off Rolex he bought in Mexico years ago. So convincing, someone nicked it off him!

hettie · 27/02/2019 09:36

Please please just get married in a registry office pronto op..... The wedding is irrelevant/just a day you and your children would benefit far more from the protection of marriage particularly with a partner who prioritises his needs over his families

BarbaraofSevillle · 27/02/2019 09:44

Getting married quickly is a good idea, but from the OPs point of view, she may see it as yet another sacrifice that she makes, so that her DH gets to do and buy what he wants.

The DH gets the expensive watch, flash car and gets to put all his efforts into work, above all else.

The OP doesn't have a nice wedding (although she hasn't said what her expectations are in this respect, in the vast majority of cases, the party, dress, flowers etc are thought about by the woman and the man probably doesn't give a shit). She also gets to juggle almost full time work and all DCs needs while he doesn't need to think about anything except work. And she doesn't have an expensive watch or savings in her name.

Doesn't sound very fair does it?

LambTagine · 27/02/2019 11:10

He controls and sorts the money and I usually just go along with it as he’s better at it than me.

Danger! Danger!

appointmentsaretheworst · 27/02/2019 11:22

He controls and sorts the money and I usually just go along with it as he’s better at it than me.

I really don't think he is. Nice bit of control he's got there though, with his stash of money while you have none.

Amibeingnaive · 27/02/2019 11:53

All this looking at it longingly on the internet everyday sounds very childish.

Original poster
Summeriscomin · 27/02/2019 12:00

I’d happily have a small wedding. We’ve talked about it lots. But my Partner can’t cut down his guest list without feeling he is offending people so we are having a largish wedding but not going over board. I literally don’t care about a big fancy do.

OP posts:
whitehorsesdonotlie · 27/02/2019 12:16

OP, are you sure it's a good idea to marry this man? His attitude to money is frankly worrying, and he sounds pretty selfish. I don't think I'd be marrying someone who put a watch he couldn't even afford above me and our dc.

Skinniesandconverse · 27/02/2019 12:19

Absolute insanity! Yes, 100% selfish!

It's not selfish to treat yourself of course, but this is completely ridiculous!

Has he always been a bit self absorbed OP, or is this out of character?

Mmmmbrekkie · 27/02/2019 12:29

You’re a young couple and on a very decent income
Presumably that will only go up?

It’s not wise. It’s indulgent and rash but it’s doesnt sound as though it’s going to impact you negatively to any real extent financially and if your income is likely to increase substantially over next few years (most professionals see significant salary increases from 30-45) then if let it go

Skinniesandconverse · 27/02/2019 12:40

brekkie, our income is the same and we're the same age, so yes, salary likely to increase, but we're not in Rolex territory!

Of course it's all relative, but we can see in this case that it will have significant financial impact, as he will have to take out a loan.

longearedbat · 27/02/2019 12:49

I have visions of your oh regularly shooting his sleeves to show off his watch, and making sure it's on show all the time. Which of course will make it more visible to potential thieves. It would worry me sick walking round with such an expensive item on my wrist. (especially if I lost it!)
If he wants something he can't afford he should save up, then he can pay cash for it in a few years. From what you have said he sounds rather immature and extremely selfish.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 27/02/2019 12:51

At the very least you need to start taking control of some of this money. I really think you should be siphoning off some of the joint money into your own account so he isn't at a financial advantage if things go wrong.

Original poster
Summeriscomin · 27/02/2019 12:53

Thanks everyone. Glad I’m not alone in my thinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Summeriscomin · 27/02/2019 12:58

Can I just add - to see if this changes anything -

So the bonus money has been paid to him over a year every month. He put it away in a savings account as we were living without it before perfectly fine. So he saved that and now wants to put it against the Rolex.

The rest will go on a credit card and he will use his bonus money (which we have never used) to pay it. It’ll be paid off before any interest starts.

He could buy the Rolex outright using other savings but of course I said I didn’t want that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Summeriscomin · 27/02/2019 13:00

He also earns over 3.5 times what I do.

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 27/02/2019 13:22

Personally I think of work bonuses as joint money, especially when the person who gets the bonus could only do so because the other person is doing all the childcare.
It would still be selfish imo to blow the whole bonus on himself but as a once in a lifetime spend you could maybe justify it, but not when it involves getting credit on top.
In the end, getting married isn't as important to him as it is to you since he's blowing the money you could have put towards it. Especially galling when it's him who wants the big wedding!

I really would insist on having the equivalent of what he's spending in my own account. It's about asserting that you are his equal not his subordinate.

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