What should my 8yo be able to do?

[TipseyTorvey]

We're just coming out of the fog of our younger DCs toddler years and I've suddenly realised I've been totally mollycoddling DS8 because I've been so focused on just getting things done. E.g. If the younger one needs a drink I automatically ask the 8 yo what he'd like and serve him like the 3yo. Realised this weekend that he'd never run a bath because I always do it! So, lovely mumsnetters with older kids can you help me please, I'd like to compile a list of things he needs to learn this year. So far I've got 'scramble and egg and make toast', make own bed, put away laundry, get self up at the weekend without talking to me 😂. All advice welcome!

We were a bit guilty of being lax on teaching DS some life skills, mostly because as an only it was just as easy for DH and I to do things. At 8 he would get cereal/cold milk and probably started to make toast. He could shower, wash hair and brush his own teeth.

He really struggled with his laces, lots of failed attempts and frustrations, but once it clicked he mastered it straight away.

He went on a school residential at 9, so before then we taught him how to change his bed and start to take a bit of responsibility for getting his clothes together for trips etc. and putting his own clothes away in the wardrobe.

In Beavers (so 6-8) they have the following list as part of one of their badges, to me it seems to be pitched about right.

1. Learn and use at least three of these skills:

learn your own address and phone number tie your shoelaces decorate some cakes or biscuits set an alarm clock to get up at the right time in the morning fold or roll your scarf make your bed keep your bedroom tidy light a candle

DS is 8. He can

Make porridge
pour cereal/ milk
Get himself a drink of water
put his plate in the dishwasher
wipe up spills
take out the recycling
hang up coat
tidy his room (badly)
lay the table (but usually puts knives/ forks the wrong way round)
sweep the patio and front steps
Run a bath (in theory- we keep teaching him but he always seems to need help with something and won't do it fully independently
go to local park with a friend to play (100m or so from our house, no roads to cross)

He can't yet:
Tie shoes
Take a shower or wash his own hair
get dressed without getting something back to front!
put away washing

I'd like him to be more independent and less reliant on us, and feel like it's always a struggle to get him to do things himself though def easier in this regard than a year ago

My 6 year old has always been keen to do things for himself (and us). It must have been at least a year ago that he first started bringing us breakfast in bed as a surprise sometimes. Usually cereal with a ridiculous quantity of milk, sometimes warmed in the microwave like he like it-(bleugh!) but sometimes toast. The first time he did it I expected to see devastation in the kitchen but he’d put everything away and cleaned up his spills!
He has his own tool box and loves helping with diy-very usefully pulled up all the leftover staples in the floor when we took out a carpet
He likes to deliver and collect parcels left at our house or neighbours and will talk politely to anyone he meets
He tidies his room and makes his bed.
He can pack a bag for an overnight stay or holiday (I give him a list if it’s more than 1 night) but tends to add a lot of toys!
He can shower or bathe himself (I run the bath). I still do teeth but he’d be quite capable if he had to.
He will set the table and take plates to the side or dishwasher afterwards (with prompting)
No interest in laundry yet but I might show him soon as I think he’d probably like it.
Loves hoovering but can’t really manage it very well but will sweep the kitchen floor (first offered to do it when he was less than 2!)
He’ll make a lovely husband one day!

I'm really glad I asked this question and I'm enjoying all the really varied responses! Last night we had a step forward as I sent DS8 up to have a shower all by himself. He said 'aren't you coming with me? ' and when I said no he seemed a bit perplexed then excited and off he went and did it. Not sure exactly how clean he was mind, but it's a start 😊. When I think back to what I was doing at this age it really made me realise how much more he could be doing for himself.

It is about teaching them the skills without the expectation of them taking on the responsibility every day.

I am a SAHM with children in secondary school so of course I do pretty much everything but my children have chores they do daily/weekly but they also know how to do a lot more they just don't do them.

So they know that the dishwasher has a trap that needs cleaning out, same with the tumble dryer, one gets defluffed after each load, the bottom one gets cleaned monthly.

There are too many I have a teenager who does nothing threads and it stems from not getting them started young. So suddenly they go from doing nothing to being expected to do a lot.

I agree with the PP who is a teacher of KS2, there are lots of children who just sit there expecting others to clear up after tech or art.

My eldest is only 5 but he can make a cold drink. Get a snack. Put shopping away. Put clothes away when asked. Order food in a shop.get cold drinks for his siblings. Get dressed for school. I wash him and his teeth. Surely these are basic things. My 4 year old can do most of these things too. We were having a discussion about this last night re my 10 year old niece as she doesn't help put and just lounges on the sofa all day. When I was 8 I was making baby bottles and changing nappies hoovering making tea... Not that that's right but if I was able to do that then a 10 year old is more than capable of making a basic sandwich etc...Going off topic now.

@TipseyTorvey they do sound amazing when it’s written down like that, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have those bum scratching mornings too.
And there’s a world of difference between being able to do something and being any bloody use to you!
Most of the time when one of them takes it into their head to do one of these things or learn something new, I’m either crying inside or screaming silently 😂

My 8 year old regularly. ..
Makes simple breakfast
Puts dirty washing in the basket
Baths herself if I run the bath (I help with hair)
Unloads / loads dishwasher
Sorts laundry for putting away
Lays table for guests
Feeds pets
Gets school bag ready
Tidies everyone's shoes away
Brushes teeth and gives own inhaler (needs reminding)
Washes face in the morning
Ties laces
Brushes own hair and can plait it herself

I think a rule of thumb, if you had a broken ankle and were not very mobile what would you want your 8 year old to be able to do.

Being able to make toast for a toddler doesn't mean always doing it.

At 8 I was coming home from school to an empty house and peeling potatoes for dinner. I think that was too much responsibility. Making toast or getting cereal fine.

Also peeling potatoes alongside an adult also cooking would be fine.