What should my 8yo be able to do?

[TipseyTorvey]

We're just coming out of the fog of our younger DCs toddler years and I've suddenly realised I've been totally mollycoddling DS8 because I've been so focused on just getting things done. E.g. If the younger one needs a drink I automatically ask the 8 yo what he'd like and serve him like the 3yo. Realised this weekend that he'd never run a bath because I always do it! So, lovely mumsnetters with older kids can you help me please, I'd like to compile a list of things he needs to learn this year. So far I've got 'scramble and egg and make toast', make own bed, put away laundry, get self up at the weekend without talking to me 😂. All advice welcome!

I think it's important for children to learn and be confident about doing things before they need to be doing them independently. Not wait until they need to do something, then start teaching then. So I'd add, if they're not accustomed to using public transport, start taking them on trains and buses, and the Tube if near London, so that they're ready to go alone when they're old enough.

Wow what a fantastic load of replies. Thanks everyone, I'm compiling a list. I think I need to balance things that will help him build confidence and independence vs making his childhood a chore filled non-fun existence. DH and I work full time and although I've gone Kondo crazy and TOMM mad it still feels never-ending so there's probably just a few tasks like dishwasher emptying and cat feeding he could start doing. I'd be twitchy about him using the oven but he should probably be able to make his own toast now. I really would love it if he could go and knock for friends the way I did but our road is stupid busy and I don't want him crossing it just yet, however I could teach him to use a pelican crossing without holding my hand for example!

DD is 9.5yo and can do the following:

• make toast (including taking frozen bread from the freezer and putting it in the toaster and pressing the frozen bread button)
• stir things on the hob, like beans, adjust the heat to stop them burning etc. I open the can and get everything ready though.
• get dressed and choose appropriate/matching clothes suitable for the weather etc.
• shower independently, the temperature is mostly set. She often forgets her towel though. She can wash her hair and rinse well.
• occupy herself with various activities in her room when I'm busy, she doesn't ask me for things to do.
• lay the table
• put her things in the dishwasher

I plan on getting her using the washing machine this year and she wants to cook more, so we'll do that probably in the holidays.

Oh and DD has gone to the local shop for me, including crossing at the zebra crossing. You can almost see it from our house and would be only a 3-4min walk each way.

hopeclearwater, your comment is exactly why I'd like to get started now. Luckily my MIL is a star and taught my DH well but I can totally see how easy it is for me to slip into 'oh I'll just do it' mode and end up with sons that think fridges are self replenishing and drawers magically refill with clean pants 😂.

My dd is 6.5 and can do all these things, but doesn’t every day:

Run bath
Make breakfast (provided 4 pint milk bottle isn’t new!)
Pour and microwave milk
Make bed
Tidy room
Put clothes away
Clean teeth and “supervise” 3 yo ds doing his
Help 3 yo wash his hands
Sort out PE/Dance/Piano/Book bag

She doesn’t use the kettle or toaster.

Not 8 but I have a near 6 yr old who can, get a drink of milk/water (in a plastic cup)
Get a bowl of cereal
Helps me Hoover
Brush teeth unaided
Wash and rinse her hair and body
Puts dirty plates (plastic) in sink.
Make her bed (by no means perfectly!)
Get dressed obvs
Tie laces
Get a snack (peel on orange-always surprises me when kids can’t do this)
Tidy her room/playroom
Set the table for dinner (except glasses)
Sort herself in her car seat (and then I check her)

I'm bloody desperate not to raise boys who turn into lazy men so I'm pushing quite a bit on to DS1 who is 7 (and will expect the same from DS2 who is nearly 5 as he gets older):

• make toast/waffles in the toaster
• get his own cereal
• get his own milk/juice in a glass
• clear dishes, scrape plates and put in dishwasher
• brush teeth (I will check him)
• get dressed
• run bath and bathe independently as long as I remind him what needs doing
• pack his bag for school as long as I prompt him to remember what day it is and he'll then remember what he needs
• make spaghetti bolognese with supervision (he loves it so I'm encouraging him to cook more)
• strip his bed and bring down and put in the washing machine if prompted
• Vacuum downstairs
• clean bathroom mirrors
• water plants

I will start encouraging him to do more things like family laundry, so collecting the dirty laundry basket and bringing it downstairs, loading machine, putting in soap and switching it on. I'm going to print a photo of the settings he needs to see and then he can refer to that.

He's not tall enough yet to reach the dryer but doing this will mean he'll be a pro by the time he is tall enough!

That being said, my kids aren't traffic aware and I would struggle to let them walk to a shop in the UK by themselves because we live in a tropical country and nothing is walkable. But I'd let them swim in our pool relatively unsupervised as they've be swimming since they were tots.

I don't think what he does is beyond his capabilities but we have a helper/cleaner who does a lot of the household management but it's obviously massively important that he doesn't think someone is always there to pick up after his mess.

I want picking up his glass and putting it in a dishwasher to be second nature and not something he actively thinks about. Same with cooking or household maintenance.

DS turns 8 this week and I think we've got a lot to catch up on. I worry that because we have a cleaner and because DH never tidies up the DC don't see why they should help. DH never asks the DC to tidy - if he puts nearly 8 yo to bed and DS drops his clothes on the floor DH just ignores it and leaves it so the message is that it's neither of their jobs (therefore it must be mine🤨).

He can make a cold drink and get himself cereal. He can put clothes away but has to be reminded several times. Can shower but wouldn't count on him being clean afterwards. Have started letting him go off on his own in safe places e.g. to the toilet in a museum. Haven't tried shoe laces yet.

There's a long way to go but this thread has helped me realise we need to encourage more independence.

I’ve been mulling this over. I’m not sure it’s something I’d approach with a checklist at this age (maybe at 16?). At 8 I’d let them lead by their interests and take it from there.

Dd8 can
Fry pancakes and French toast (closely supervised).
Use the toaster and microwave.
Put on a wash/ load tumble drier
Fold laundry
Dry and put away dishes
Make a sandwich (spreading butter is still a challenge)
Plot a route on google maps
Send texts
Make and receive calls
Open and lock doors including car doors.
Tie shoe laces
Sew a basic seam.
Feed the cat.

DS 9(nearly 10) would struggle with all of the above. But he can
Make his bed
Keep his room tidy
Keep track of his belongings, organize his belongings on journeys and pack for himself.
He can blow dry his hair
Use a calculator
Cut his own nails.
Pour out liquids
Pay for purchases, organize his money
Make minor customer complaints
Make simple meals like cereal.
Bake a cake (but scared of oven so I do that part)

There are areas where they are woefully lacking (cutlery skills), lazy (dishes, doing buttons), and enthusiastic but inept (washing dishes, mopping)

If they ask me can they do something I’ll generally give them a go. Dd tends to push me out of my comfort zone (eg with frying pancakes) but I’m strict about doing things correctly with no messing. If they want to do something that I’m not keen on we sometimes compromise by them taking on more responsibility (eg we’ll get a macdonalds but you have to order it; you can paint if you clean up after yourself)

Often if they’re chatting with me, they’ll want a go of whatever I’m doing. My brushes and mops have extendable handles so I can shorten them and hand them over. I have steps (ikea) that they can use in the kitchen. I also have quite low standards in a lot of areas! I’m happy to delegate window washing even if the results are streaky.

I do a lot of “thinking out loud” when I’m working so that they know there’s a thought process and a method even if they’re not actively learning.

I also involve them in decisions about what we’ll have for dinner, what we should substitute for a missing ingredient. Or I let them choose the type of ice cream in the supermarket and ask how many bars/pops? How much? Just to get them thinking about those things.

On the whole they are better at “projects” like cooking something, than routines like clearing plates, putting laundry in the basket, or clearing dishes. I still give reminders about those things.

I think they are unfolding at a reasonable pace so I’m happy enough to let them lead by their interests for now. When they’re a bit older I’ll plug any gaps.

Oh bugger , mines 10 and does fuck all 😂

My dds are 7 and 9 (nearly 8 and 10).

Both make their own breakfasts in the morning.
Can make their own drinks.
They make their own lunches the night before.
Make their beds.
Order a drink /food
Sit on a train next to a stranger without complaint (although we’re nearby)
Both can bath or shower independently.
Both can obviously do their laces.
Can brush their hair, but haven’t mastered tying it up (we’re working on it).
Put their laundry away where it belongs.
Get dressed for school without complaints 😂
Lay the table.
Hang washing on the clothes airer.
Wash up and dry up.
Sweep floors.
Set the microwave to ping after 1/2/3 minutes etc.
I’m teaching them independence, like my dps did. My boss was amazed that dds make their own packed lunches as she doesn’t trust her 11yo to even make a sandwich.

Forgot to add, DS has been dressing himself since Reception, he clears his own plate when reminded, straps himself in car, has started opening and locking car when he asks first and makes toast. I think I'm going to get him laying the table and putting away all his clothes, then move on to laundry...

@Adeste wow your kids are amazing. Setting a course on Google maps and even sewing!! I think I need to start just seeing what he can do without the spoon feeding. We still help him get dressed some mornings because I couldn't deal with shouting up the stairs 20 times and then going up to find him just wearing pants staring out the window scratching his bum .

Mine is just 5 and can lay table, put things in dishwasher, brush own teeth, wash self and hair, dress self, tidies away all own toys, waters all pots in garden in summer with hose- these are jobs that he likes to do to helping when I'm busy with baby, and he's learnt to do over time. He's been laying table since 2.5- my mum showed him when on holiday and I thought she was mad! But he was so proud of himself and happy to contribute to making dinner time that it became his thing, and proved to be a pivotal experience for both of us. Realised they are capable of a lot, younger than you might think.

Sometimes he gets tshirt on wrong way, and I'd always check his teeth brushing, but I think these are fair expectations for a reception aged child.

Next I'd like to get him confident at ordering in cafes, paying in the shop, and making a rudimentary meal like cereal or sandwich.

Fascinating thread!

Oh bugger , mines 10 and does fuck all

😂😂😂

someone of 8 can make their own clothes?? Really?

peel and chop veg are the most impressive things my kids can do. make a bed no chance. strip a bed - no problem.

Look after personal hygiene, putting laundry in basket and putting away when clean (with help for things up high), get self dressed, pack school bag (you check it), cross quiet roads, go to letterbox/local shop alone if location permits, help self to drinks/snacks (and give to sibling), entertain themselves when you are busy.

Apart from main meals they should be able to function pretty well without you but you retain the role of overseer and chief safety officer. Mine walked to school from just 9 but so location dependent

Sew a basic seam is not the same as making their own clothes?!!
I could sew at 8. I could also knit. My mum was a keen crafter so I learned. By the time I was 10 I could do embroidery. I am not a crafter myself so my kids can’t but the oldest (7) can do a basic cross stitch.

I have to say I can’t imagine my kids not doing basic household tasks. When you are running around doing chores, do they just sit there and watch? I just find that so strange, even from a manners perspective. DH has absolutely drilled into the kids that they must always offer to help esp when they go to other people’s houses. Take your own plate for washing up. Tidy away toys after a play date (or at least offer to). To me some of these are about manners not chores.

And yes DH does as many chores as I do and has been as humanly possible (giving birth and breastfeeding aside) a genuinely equal parent so with two boys they have a good role model. They don’t see it as ‘Mummy’s job.’ As I said I still get the towel on the bathroom floor, and lots of day dreaming but chores are for the family to do together.

I’ve got a very sweet, easy, nice, confident 7 year old boy

vinyl please don't worry, your ds sounds fab and you're doing a great job. Children SHOULD have easy lives and be carefree, that's what we should aspire to for our kids.

OP - you'll get a very unbalanced view on here; apart from the odd few posters who admit their dc do very little, most people only post if their dc can/do numerous jobs.

Hmm, I think the point I want to make is that I would not have expected my DS to do very many of the things listed when he was 8 but that he does most of them at 13.

As regards chores, I dislike the concept of giving a child an unpaid job. Making own bed is different. My DS will help with anything I ask him to and at 13 we have our eyes on the future so he's doing those jobs to learn about looking after himself at uni. However, when there is a shedload of homework I don't ask if he wants to practice his recipe ideas or help me with the laundry. GCSE work comes first.

I wouldn't worry about it and I certainly wouldn't ask this question on MN.

Make their breakfast,
Brush hair,
Brush teeth,
Put bread in toaster,
Clear their plates,
Run the bath.
Put clean, ready folded clothes away,
Make their beds.

They don't do any of that unless asked though. I supervise shower use and hair washing.

Yes my dd taught herself to sew with her from granny, she moved on quickly to making dolls and teddy clothes and from there to date she has made four dresses that are good enough to wear out ( if you like fuschia!) She was given a children’s sewing machine for Christmas and now happily makes all sorts, bags, pillows and dresses. Nothing extraordinary in this, she just loves to do it 👗