Isn't written feedback from teacher, nursery nurses supposed to be written positively?

[MermaidsAreAmazing]

I got an email from the coordinator of a playgroup I attend with my dc and it is written quite negatively, describing their behaviour, and I was surprised at this.
Aren't these sort of professionals supposed to sugar coat what they say and write in a positive way? Or is this not the usual way anymore?

But That’s not negative. It’s factual

How would you have liked them to frame that positively?

What they’ve did and what you’ve just described are the same thing. By 3 he should know that snatching toys is naughty. Is he making other children cry? Does he say sorry?

DD is just three and still sometimes gets feisty but I always remove her from the situation until she calms down. How rough is he being to get the toys from other children?

And of course I will keep addressing the behaviours and ask what else I should do if they've got any other ideas.

I was just surprised by the tone and language.

And the coordinatior is a qualified nursery nurse, perhaps has other qualifications

Oh god you're one of those parents.

Although you are there with him, you clearly don't see what others do.

I'm not really sure why they would need to frame something positively just to save a parent's feelings?
If your child is being disruptive, then they need to say they are being disruptive. It doesn't mean they hate your child or that they are a bad child, just that they have concerns that need addressing.
Also think about it this way, when your DC is old enough to understand feedback, if they never get any negative feedback then how will they ever see any progression in anything? If at the next report it says 'DC is sharing much better now, well done!' It will start to teach them about progress and improving their behaviour.

In short, unless the report says 'Your child is a horrible shit muncher.' I wouldn't worry too much.

I'd be appreciative of the honesty and work with my child on their behaviour. No point sugar coating it. Obv if you think they have got your child mixed up with abo one then check that.
Very unusual to get written reports from a playgroup where parents also attend.

There is a difference between seeing a child play with a toy and thinking "That's the best toy, I need that" and taking it, and thinking "I don't want them to have that toy". One is a matter of impulse control, the other is being actively unkind, and it sounds like they are trying to emphasise that it's the latter.

Misunderstands can occur from pandering to sensitive parents/caregivers. They need to tell it "straight" so there's no doubt as to what's the situation with the child.

coordinatior is a qualified nursery nurse, perhaps has other qualifications

What difference does that make? Your child has been noticed repeatedly snatching and causing issues for other children. I would suspect they are e-mailing because whatever you are doing at the time isn’t working.

Would you feel differently if the same child was snatching toys from your son and making him cry every week? I suspect you would.

It should be truthful.

Writing "John is a cheeky little shit and we all hate him" would be unprofessional and not really acceptable.

But you can't expect them to leave out all the negative stuff just because you want fluffy feedback about what a delight your PFB is.

They made a factual statement that I'm not sure can be worded positively without losing its meaning.

" xx is disruptive to other children’s play such as taking other children’s toys so that they can’t play with it and usually not because he seems to want it."

That's not negative. It's just a description of what happens. What would you expect us to say?

I also once worked somewhere where we had a drop down menu of positively phrased expressions and we had to choose from these. The reports were a complete waste of time!

How do you think the teacher should have phrased this particular concern? There's nothing wrong with it by the way.

It means he's taking away toys that other children are playing with so that they are unable to play with them but then discarding them because he doesn't want to play with them either. He just wants to deprive another child of playing with them. That's behaviour that shouldn't be sugar coated and does need nipping in the bud.

I do not envy anyone working with children from playgroup age upwards the way parents react now to any hint of criticism. Their precious darlings are faultless don't ya know.

I'm confused : why are they sending you an email in the first place if you attend with your DC?

I’m eternally grateful the nursery teacher didn’t sugar coat DS2’s behaviour. She wasn’t unkind, but factual and to the point and her input was a major factor in getting this far with him being assessed for asd. Without that all we’d have is our concerns (weren’t taken very seriously before nursery input) and a bunch of relatives saying “oh he’s fine, he’ll grow out of it”.

Obviously if you know some of the email is incorrect you bring that up with them. The toy taking behaviour does need addressing. Personally I’d be telling DC at the first instance if it happens again they’re going home.

So you attend nursery with your DC? As in you are there every moment he is?

I'm not really sure why they would need to frame something positively just to save a parent's feelings?

I disagree; OP you do have a point, criticism and condemnation of s person and their parenting only breeds resentment. It does not take much to frame it in a more supportive and positive manner.

It isn't nursery. It's a stay and play play group....although apart from opportunity centres I've never heard of any that send out emails, that seems a bit full on!!

Is your ds going to be attending nursery/preschool soon ok?

My youngest son is a handful. We have feedback like this, difference is I respond with “what can we do to help him, how can we sort out him doing xyz”
These people are doing your child no favours by saying he’s a little angel when he isn’t, believe me the school will absolutely tell you when he gets to that point. Rather than focus on what was said, use your energy and focus on rectifying issues.
My son is loads better because every organistion that is watching him (us, grandparents, playschool) are all in the same page, actually having it written down by someone helped get everyone on board.

I'm confused : why are they sending you an email in the first place if you attend with your DC?

Maybe they think the OP will kick off and say it isn't true if they try to address her child's behaviour during a session. Or maybe they don't want to embarass her by saying something in front of other parents.

coordinatior is a qualified nursery nurse, perhaps has other qualifications

What difference does that make? Your child has been noticed repeatedly snatching and causing issues for other children. I would suspect they are e-mailing because whatever you are doing at the time isn’t working.

Would you feel differently if the same child was snatching toys from your son and making him cry every week? I suspect you would.

I do think it's odd from a stay and play session. We're you spoken to beforehand his behaviour?

Snowflakery!