Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Worried Sick! Please calm me down

88 replies

Quiltedflossy · 24/02/2019 05:24

I've started a thread to try and calm myself.
Admittedly I'm a worrier but I'm panicking.
DS went out with mates last night. He has before stayed out till 3/4 am but it's not a regular thing. He's pretty good and usually txts to say he's in a taxi or whatever. This morning I went to the loo 3am, he's not back.
4am he sends me video of him and some others in a car, loud music playing, screaming and laughing. I assume it's not a taxi because of the music/noise.
I reply and ask where he's going but had no reply. No WhatsApp activity since the car video.
I'm so worried Sad

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 24/02/2019 09:54

And you think excessive alcohol consumption is fine when one of them was driving? It’s not scaremongering either but just making the point to the OP that it could have been cocaine. It’s just something to bear in mind.

Suebnm · 24/02/2019 09:54

He sounds like a lovely son who just had a brief off moment. I know this doesn't help at the moment when you're worried.

LostInShoebiz · 24/02/2019 09:56

And you think excessive alcohol consumption is fine when one of them was driving?

Please show me where I said any such thing. If you can do this then I will revise my increasingly poor view of your reasoning skills.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 24/02/2019 09:56

I’m also guessing the video was sent to his mum by mistake.

Dohee · 24/02/2019 09:57

I said it was a wild guess. An educated wild guess maybe.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 24/02/2019 09:59

If it was alcohol and not cocaine it would be as worrying if not more that someone was driving.

Lolly34h · 24/02/2019 10:00

I have a tracker on my daughters phone so I know exactly where she is. Means I don't worry as much and she knows I know where she is so can't lie about her wearabouts

LostInShoebiz · 24/02/2019 10:04

If it was alcohol and not cocaine it would be as worrying if not more that someone was driving.

Yes, quite.

Singlenotsingle · 24/02/2019 10:04

It would be better if he just didn't contact you when he's out and about. He's 20. You can't carry on like this all his life. What happens when he's 40 and you're 60 (ish?). Let go and stop worrying.

LostInShoebiz · 24/02/2019 10:05

Still waiting to see where I said excessive alcohol consumption is “fine” when someone is driving.

SneakyGremlins · 24/02/2019 10:05

@Lolly34h how old is she?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 24/02/2019 10:09

That doesn’t necessarily mean cocaine as opposed to excessive alcohol consumption

What did you mean then? Both would have been potentially disastrous while driving.

LostInShoebiz · 24/02/2019 10:13

Are you really so dense?

  1. I said that sending a video when on the move from one location to another while under the influence does not in and of itself indicate cocaine use as opposed to alcohol use.
  1. The above point makes no judgment as to the merits or demerits of either cocaine or alcohol use while in a moving vehicle.
  1. In a separate post I agreed that both are dangerous to use to excess when someone is driving.

Please try to read through the posts again slowly and understand. You will see that at no point have I said that alcohol or cocaine use is “fine” when driving, rather I have said the opposite, i.e. that this is not safe to use either to excess when driving.

Springisallaround · 24/02/2019 10:14

I think it's odd to be in contact with your mum when you are 20 on a night out. Surely he is going to be drunk, possibly going back to someone's house, whatever he's up to, he's 20, not 15. Parents don't have a clue what their children are up to at uni. I think if he lives at home it is more in your face.

Original poster
Quiltedflossy · 24/02/2019 10:15

Thanks everyone,
I won't be putting a tracker on his phone!
By 'dealing' with him I mean ask him not to send me videos. I'd rather not have anything sent to me.
I wasn't like this with my older 2, I know I need to calm down but I was just panicked this morning

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 24/02/2019 10:17

Since he actually managed to send you a video I do not think he would have been that out of it, but I feel your pain as I have been through this with my 2 son's. One was especially a worry, as I could be in bed at 3 am and he would ring, I would answer and no reply, then I would ring him back and would get no response, try sleeping after that....
I used to get up and go downstairs and check if their shoes were in the porch during the early hours and was always so relieved when they were. It is so much easier when they were younger and they were tucked up in bed and you would not have to worry.
They are both at uni now, so as I do not know what they are up to I cant lie awake worrying which is good in a way.
I hope he is ok.

AuntMarch · 24/02/2019 10:18

He's 20, don't "deal" with him!

I used to tell my mum I was staying at a friend's and that we were back there already hours before we actually were- not because I was doing anything wrong, but because I wanted her not to be waiting to hear from me.

He needs to learn to always give the "worst case" scenario "it'll be a late one mum if I come back it'll be early hours so I'll probably stay at Jimmy's instead so I don't disturb you before work". Then if he is back at midnight can just say "ah it wasn't all that, I couldn't be bothered to stay out"

The video is weird, maybe he meant to send it elsewhere. Don't jump to drug conclusions, I behaved like a dick plenty of times and never touched cocaine.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 24/02/2019 10:18

Wow get yourself a coffee or step outside in the sun for a bit.

AuntMarch · 24/02/2019 10:19

Just seen your explanation re:dealing with. Smile

LostInShoebiz · 24/02/2019 10:19

Wow get yourself a coffee or step outside in the sun for a bit.

Do I take it you see the flaws in your ‘argument’ now given this is all you have to offer? Sad.

AuntMarch · 24/02/2019 10:20

I have a tracker on my daughters phone so I know exactly where she is. Means I don't worry as much and she knows I know where she is so can't lie about her wearabouts

Confused there's an episode of Black Mirror that's basically this

RB68 · 24/02/2019 10:22

I would second he needs to be more considerate who the fuck texts people or messages them at 3 when they know they need to be up at 6 for work - he needs to back off a bit and if hes out then he is out and if its a late one he either stays over at a friends or comes in silently and sleeps on the sofa or something so as not to wake the house

He isn't lovely he is inconsiderate

LikeACowsOpinion · 24/02/2019 10:22

@Lolly34h please tell me you do not have a tracker on your adult daughters phone?

Op, I'm glad he has turned up safe! I can't imagine the worry.

But, he is an adult. Asking him to check in with you whilst he's on a night out with friends is suffocating.
Obviously he should contact you to let you know if he is planning on coming home or not (out of courtesy) but that should be it.

He doesn't need 'dealing with'; he's not a child.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 24/02/2019 10:26

No. My interpretation of your post was that you thought it would somehow be better if they’d been drunk rather than high on coke.

millythepink · 24/02/2019 10:27

I think your DS being in any kind of contact with you while he's out is unnecessary and most likely an annoyance and imposition to him. I grew up with a Mum who openly worried about me all the time, she thought it evidenced how much she loved me and what a great parent she was. In actual fact it felt controlling and suffocating.