Very intelligent but failure in the workplace?

[dublinruth]

I was a very clever child. Scholarships, MENSA, etc. Everyone thought I had an exceptionally bright future.

Except.. my intelligence doesn't really mean anything in the workplace. It hasn't translated to career success. I'm now ten years into my career, doing specialised admin work that bores me silly but pays OK.

Has anyone else found that being intelligent just doesn't translate into being good at work. I feel such a failure and see people I went to school with having great careers and can't help but to feel a huge amount of jealousy.

Has anyone else found this?

Interesting thread - but I think the reason that some ppl do well despite not having straight As is not that they aren't intelligent, but that it's a different type of intelligence.

I was listening to a radio programme where an educationalist was saying that there are actually 10 different types of intelligence, but that schools only recognise 2 or 3.

Not rtft so this may already have been said, but school puts a lot of emphasis on doing well in written tasks and things involving research, time spent thinling, coursework and exams. In the working world, a much greater emphasis is placed on confidence, an outgoing nature and people skills. For people like me (long suspected asd traits) the former meant I excelled academically but found the 'real' world, namely interviews, presentations, client relationships etc just excruciatingly difficult. So for that reason (plus dithering/travelling/parenthood) never realised my 'potential'. I don't really mind though; I couldn't cope with a high stress job. But we don't teach kids enough about life and what employers really want imo.

This is me OP!
Ex MENSA member.
Gifted at a great many things, high distinction average at uni, but never seem to be able to complete anything. Zero confidence, no career, a wasted life really.
Like some other PPs, I also suspect some ASD/ADHD issues.
Nearly sixty now, so all too little, too late for me I'm afraid.

Don’t you think though that the good, analytical critical thinking skills and the ability to do thorough research and “know your stuff” should maybe be prized a bit more highly in the workplace, and how well someone shakes your hand or how confident they sound is not actually as valuable? Confidence should not be more important an wisdom (not claiming either for myself)

It’s both depressing and comforting to read there are so many in the same boat. I’ve had “jobs” rather than a glittering career, despite high IQ and plenty of qualifications. Lack of confidence a big factor, plus lack of guidance at school, ended up in an industry that i hated for years. Having younger & more successful colleagues chipped away at the confidence, and i was delighted to be offered early retirement.

One has to wonder if the issue is rooted in schools. Looking back the things my school valued and which secured your place in the "pack" have been wholly irrelevant at work. I never shine at school and was certainly never part of the alpha group. I was wary of it but learnt to avoid it and stay unnoticed otherwise I might have been bullied because I had my own opinions. What didn't prepare me for work:

The playground, PE, catching and throwing or any other team game (probably mildly dyspraxic), singing (can't sing), art and presenting beautiful work. I was hopeless at all the things schools value and seem to give prizes for which happen also to be bully magnets.

Add in the way in which many teachers think education is for education's sake and not preparation for the working world or anything commercial and the problem becomes clearer. Not all schools suit all children and the move towards huge comprehensives often schools within schools with top streams and sen units is not helpful to draw out individual's unique skills and to nurture and prrpare for the future.

What helped: having parents who taught me social skills (smile - nobody wants to see a misery), stand up straight, be well presented, dress well. And the little things that inspired confidence socially: shaking hands, not grabbing a slice of cake when offered, being v comfortable in a restaurant and knowing which knife and fork to use, what to do with the bread and the napkin etc.

Often I think some of the issue is because people who become teachers are the people for whom school worked and who loved school so the mould is never broken.

I have felt like this for a long time so enjoying this thread.

I was considered extremely academically able at school and was always top of the class, encouraged to take GCSE'S early, get a scholarship etc.

I loved the work at school and was such a perfectionist but I hated the social element and only had a couple of close friends.
I ended up taking a year out after A levels and then worked in minimum wage jobs before deciding to become a nurse which I have done since university. However I am still a part time band 5 (lowest level for a nurse) and have declined the opportunities to apply for promotion.

I don't even want to be a nurse anymore as it doesn't suit my personality, it involves leadership which I hate and a lot of stress and responsibility. I have anxiety so find it all difficult and currently looking at minimum wage jobs. I feel quite a failure.

Agree with a pp that this thread is both comforting and depressing! And another pp who says this thread is making her think very carefully about how to raise her DC. My baby girl is just 6 months old and I'm already desperately hoping she won't turn out like me.

From the outside my life looks pretty good - beautiful house in London, loving DH, amazing little girl who sleeps through every night (touch wood!), well paid job. That said, I can't help but feel a failure and that I've wasted my life.

I too was bright as a child, IQ of over 150 (bet that's halved now! I'm actually tempted to go take a MENSA test just to see what it is now - unless anyone knows some good online tests?) and my mum tells me they said I should go to a school for gifted children but apparently I point blank refused to 🤷🏻‍♀️ I misbehaved in class until my early teens and then something changed, and I finally knuckled down and did well at school and uni (even had my dissertation published). Always planned to study further but then started temping in admin/PA in London when I moved here many years ago and enjoyed the money so that study dream was never realised.

Through temping, I fell into an industry I thought I would progress in from a PA role, but despite asking for the opportunity many times they clearly didn't think I was right for a consultant role. This was a huge knock to my confidence and now, 13 years later, I'm still working in a support capacity (in a different company, but one I've been in for 10 years). Reading this thread kind of makes me wonder if I was knocked back perhaps because I lacked those softer or 'salesy' skills needed for that kind of role.

I feel like a complete failure and terrible role model for my daughter as I do believe I'm "just crap" - especially as my late father was a hugely successful orthopaedic surgeon who got to the top through sheer hard work and determination. I've never found that 'one thing' I was born to do and that disappoints me every day.

Unlike other posters on here, I struggle to retain information and am embarrassingly naive and clueless about both history and current affairs (you don't want me on your pub quiz team!). It just doesn't go in! I do learn well, and fast, when something interests me - e.g I did yoga teacher training 7 years ago and teach that part time. But generally I feel pretty stupid and shy away from any conversations about what I do for a living.

Not sure how to change this and if I'll ever find my niche - I'm unclear whether this mindset is due to desperation or slight ADD which a previous therapist suspects I have a touch of.

Finding this thread extremely interesting and perhaps the 'best' I've come across on MN so I hope it keeps going. Great to hear some really honest (though sometimes hard to swallow) opinions.

not grabbing a slice of cake when offered

You’ll have to explain the relevance of this - please.

Depression* not desperation 🤦🏻‍♀️

I can totally relate to the posts on this thread. I was always very academic, got into medicine but got severely depressed in my first year and switched courses. I have a couple of degrees and have always been commended at work but don't have a 'career' as such, at least not the high-flying kind I thought I'd have. I realise now that I derived so much of my self-worth from titles and academic performance and I'm trying to free myself of that. Still, I'd love to have some kind of career I can be proud of.

What was your degree in op?
Could you just have chosen a career with fewer opp than others?

@Hollowvictory my degree was in law!

Ah this sounds just like me too. Also member of Mensa, top achieving academically, straight As, three degrees including a doctorate...but ended up in a job which is unfulfilling, where I'm undervalued, and which I find incredibly boring. As notmary said, I too feel like I've wasted my life and potential.

On the bright side, I only work part-time (and it's partly the wanting to work part-time thing which is why I haven't progressed in a career). I love learning new things and maybe another reason why I haven't done well career-wise is because I get bored easily and like to learn something new all the time rather than intensively focus on one thing.

I'm also not a very sociable person, definitely anxious, and find work days quite draining to be honest. I'm currently learning a new skill which I'm finding fascinating and which I'm hoping will bring in some extra income. It's also making me feel better about myself in general.

Oooh Sierra what do you do ? Id love a job where I'm part time but learning new tginhs!

I was a gifted child and am a housekeeper. It didn't translate into an ability to know how to progress and make the right decisions. I'm trying to fix it but feel like I missed the boat a bit.

There's so many of us. I really do want to Do something to earn some money now Im 40. I am reallt worried my daughters are more productive!

I wonder if there's something in the concept that as the cleverest leave school for uni or work they struggle with not being the best. Whereas those of us who were mediocre at school never have such shocks and therefore build greater resilience having had to take knock backs on the chin throughout school? Nobody ever told me I was brilliant at school so a bit of achievement and praise at work was a fantastic carrot. Also nobody at work ever knew I was the last one on the bench because I couldn't catch and was a crap runner. Or that I once got 3/10 for labelling up a bunsen burner badly.

swimming I'm a web content editor in my 'real' job, but I'm learning pre-race trading (horseracing) in my free time!

I'm turning 40 this year too, so really wanted to start using my brain for something. I'd been matched betting for a couple of years, so was familiar with the way the markets moved - although this is a whole new level of complexity. A fun challenge though!

Ohtheroses that’s more or less what I said further up - there is a gratification to getting the top marks which is not likely to be replicated in the workplace because the goals are totally different. If that’s the only motivation you have then you are going to find meeting workplace goals difficult or tedious or demotivating etc. I don’t think it’s that way for everyone on this thread btw

Top or towards the top of the class at school despite a shaky start (selective mutism), Mensa, 3 As at A level, Oxbridge, and entirely unable to hold down a job. Diagnosed with ASD (Aspergers) as an adult.

I'm now self employed and my career is beginning to be more reflective of my academic abilities. But CookieDough's list - apart from the public speaking, which I can now do, as long as it's on a topic of particular interest to me - is basically a list of the areas in which I have deficits.

I was shit at school, never went to university.
am the highest earning of 4 siblings. all others have degrees.

• work ethic, do the job, be constructive instead of moany
• profession, siblings are in arts. I started out in admin but side tracked through IT to project management
• luck. I was very lucky to get that first job. it was great for learning, networking and a good springboard into other things.

It's interesting isn't it. I have a large team and a couple of people in their 30s who are intellectual high fliers but they can't do the job or lead their teams. They think in two dimensions are perfectionist to the point of ocd. They have real difficulty juggling the balls and working out impact and understanding that if they drop a ball for someone who reports to the ceo it's potentially catastrophic but they do that whilst justifying a decision without impact over three pages that nobody has the time to read. I am trying to push them both into systems related roles where I think they would fly but am meeting resistance. I suspect both have undiagnosed ASD.

I’m always told I’m intelligent and I’m educated to masters level. However I had to drop out of medical school due to bipolar disorder. I can’t seem to get taken seriously and I’m not as competitive as others. I’ve also worked with lots of staff who took against me for being intelligent- whereas I always just think I’m the same as everyone else

Me too and utterly depressed about the situation. I try not to think about it too much. Looking for a career change but not sure how to do it.