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Original poster

Partner of 4 year wont pay towards his own live in child

70 replies

Caroline19891 · 18/02/2019 15:44

Hello, I have been with my partner for 4 years, we have a daughter and we live together and have done from the start she is nearly 3 in June, I am embarrassed to say I'm pregnant and expecting another child in 8 weeks ( May ) it was not planned and I just feel huge amounts of guilt and embarrassment which has spoilt my whole pregnancy because he does not pay for his oldest child. He is an estate agent manager and is on over 2 grand per month, our rent is £300 a month courtesy of my uncle, which is the only bill he pays. I work part time and my income is £900 per month and ive always paid the childcare, council tax, tv licence, and everything related to our daughter ive paid for, ( bedroom, clothes, general up keep, days out you name it ) I guess this is more of a moan as every month he boasts he is skint every week is a struggle with him asking to borrow money off me, he receives his monthly pay then lives on take aways for 2 weeks then complains he is skint again until his next pay day, he has no car to pay for as its a company car and has loads of debt which I don't even think he pays. He has CSA payments every month to his eldest children who don't live with him and that's around 400 per month for both children. Has anyone ever been in the same situation, is there anyway I can get him to support his own child when he lives with her, he pinches milk and toilet roll from work unless I would say he brings home the milk. He buys food now an then but mostly for himself for work, he is a selfish individual, I resent him and we argue a lot. Can anyone give me some advice if they've been in similar situation or what shall I do. I tried to leave him so many times but I feel financially stuck even though I know I could do a lot better job on my own without the hatred in me. Any ladies experiencing this?

OP posts:
Janethevirgo · 18/02/2019 17:59

This is never going to change.
He doesn’t support his previous children
He doesn’t support your current child
He will definitely not support the expected child
Hi will no doubt go on to father more children and not support them.
Get the police involved, change the locks. Contact csa

gobbynorthernbird · 18/02/2019 18:15

OP, your uncle needs to take some legal advice. There's an implied contract as your uncle has been accepting rent, and there may be issues for him as a result.

CanILeavenowplease · 18/02/2019 18:24

Sigh. He doesn’t support his existing child. What on earth made you continue your relationship with him to the point of two additional children? Anyone reading this in the knowledge their partner doesn’t support an existing child, be very clear these leopards so not change their spots.

I am sorry for your situation. The CAB should be able to give you some advice with how to move things forward.

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Relationship problems
BlueWonder · 18/02/2019 18:28

Sorry to say he will be getting a discount on his maintenance to his other two children because he is living in the same house as your daughter. This is on the expectation that he incurs costs for her too....yet he refuses to support her and leaves her without a £20 mattress. Agree get him out of the property and get your CMO/CMS claim in immediately as I think they only backdate a month. The good thing is that he works for a company so if he doesn't pay, they can do an attachment to his earnings for you. Also, maintenance you receive is not taken into account in lots of means tested circumstances. I suspect you are going to be financially better off without him, plus probably eligible for support with childcare. Make yourself a plan of action, cross things off as they are fone, get support from friends or family. You need all this done ASAP so you can relax and enjoy your pregnancy and your little girl.

BlueWonder · 18/02/2019 18:29

Good Luck!Flowers

MakeItAmazing · 18/02/2019 18:36

Don't say he beat you if he didn't Hmm .

Hidingtonothing · 18/02/2019 19:18

To those PP's mentioning implied contract would the idea mentioned earlier about uncle evicting them both and then re-letting to OP alone get round this?

slipperywhensparticus · 18/02/2019 19:20

She is pregnant I don't think she can go through an eviction too

gobbynorthernbird · 18/02/2019 19:21

@Hidingtonothing potentially. But the uncle would have to give 2 months notice etc. Plus, the ex here may push it to a forced eviction...

Hidingtonothing · 18/02/2019 19:32

Thank you Gobby (great user name btw Smile)

stanski · 18/02/2019 19:44

Everything @Dragongirl10 says is correct. I'm a landlady too and he has no rights if he's not named on the tenancy. Doesn't matter in the slightest he's been paying it. Get him out OP.

Jux · 18/02/2019 19:55

So you're set up to get i well and truly gone.
Get the CMS claim filled in (take copies of his payslips if you can and make sure you know his employ,ent details, ie employer address etc)
Tell CMS he's not paying for his older children so you want an attachment of earnings
Change the locks - YouTUbe is your friend for this

And breathe....

gobbynorthernbird · 18/02/2019 20:13

To the PP who are landlords, do you think you can change a tenancy agreement (even an oral one) unilaterally, mid term? Because you can't.
It's entirely feasible that, in the event that police are called to the house, the 'new' tenancy agreement wouldn't be looked at too closely. However, the OP's uncle is potentially landing himself in a load of legal trouble that could include criminal charges.

Dragongirl10 · 18/02/2019 21:07

GOBBY......there is no' mid term' as there was no original tenancy agreement..there was nothing before.
Now if a valid tenancy agreement has been issued with all the correct additional paperwork, the op should have no issue .

PersonaNonGarter · 18/02/2019 21:12

FFS. He moves out.

Your self esteem has been so shot.

gobbynorthernbird · 18/02/2019 21:38

@Dragongirl10 there is a tenancy agreement. He has been living there and paying rent, there doesn't need to be a written agreement. His residing there will be treated (in law) as an assured shorthold tenancy.

Maelstrop · 18/02/2019 23:45

Ring Shelter for correct legal advice. I'm pretty sure that you can get him out as you're the only one on the tenancy? This is reinforced if you aren't married.

NotANotMan · 18/02/2019 23:58

there was no original tenancy agreement..there was nothing before

Yes there was. A tenancy agreement exists if rent has been paid. It doesn't need to exist on paper.
In this case it's probably moot as the OP can produce a written tenancy agreement with only her name on and it would cost the partner money and effort to go to court and sue for eviction but technically he could.
The uncle needs to serve section 21 notice on both of them and sign a new contract for the OP alone for it to be legal. That's not to say she can't kick him out in the meantime - he doesn't need to be living there for the period of the section 21 notice but it would probably ensure that if he did decide to take the landlord to court he wouldn't get possession of the flat if section 21 notice was in place.

SaturdayNext · 19/02/2019 07:59

Dragongirl and Stanski, if you are both landlords you need to check your beliefs about the law. You don't have to have a written agreement to create a tenancy.

OP, your uncle needs to get some proper legal advice.

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