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Original poster

Partner of 4 year wont pay towards his own live in child

70 replies

Caroline19891 · 18/02/2019 15:44

Hello, I have been with my partner for 4 years, we have a daughter and we live together and have done from the start she is nearly 3 in June, I am embarrassed to say I'm pregnant and expecting another child in 8 weeks ( May ) it was not planned and I just feel huge amounts of guilt and embarrassment which has spoilt my whole pregnancy because he does not pay for his oldest child. He is an estate agent manager and is on over 2 grand per month, our rent is £300 a month courtesy of my uncle, which is the only bill he pays. I work part time and my income is £900 per month and ive always paid the childcare, council tax, tv licence, and everything related to our daughter ive paid for, ( bedroom, clothes, general up keep, days out you name it ) I guess this is more of a moan as every month he boasts he is skint every week is a struggle with him asking to borrow money off me, he receives his monthly pay then lives on take aways for 2 weeks then complains he is skint again until his next pay day, he has no car to pay for as its a company car and has loads of debt which I don't even think he pays. He has CSA payments every month to his eldest children who don't live with him and that's around 400 per month for both children. Has anyone ever been in the same situation, is there anyway I can get him to support his own child when he lives with her, he pinches milk and toilet roll from work unless I would say he brings home the milk. He buys food now an then but mostly for himself for work, he is a selfish individual, I resent him and we argue a lot. Can anyone give me some advice if they've been in similar situation or what shall I do. I tried to leave him so many times but I feel financially stuck even though I know I could do a lot better job on my own without the hatred in me. Any ladies experiencing this?

OP posts:

Original poster

Caroline19891 · 18/02/2019 16:32

There was never a tenancy agreement with his name on it no, just had a new one made up as of this month because I never had one in the first place. Ive been in touch with IDAS and My Sisters PLace for help

OP posts:

SaturdayNext · 18/02/2019 16:32

How on earth are you financially stuck? You and your uncle are paying for everything as it is. Surely you'll be better off not having to finance this arsehole.

Lovemusic33 · 18/02/2019 16:33

Just wait until he’s out, change the locks and leave his things outside. Seriously I have done this and it worked a treat. Your uncle owns the house, you pay the rent so you are in your rights to kick him out, if he tries to get back in then call the police.

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Jaxhog · 18/02/2019 16:35

Give him a month's notice, then put his belongings on the front step and change the locks. Unless he can persuade your Uncle otherwise, he has no rights.

AcrossthePond55 · 18/02/2019 16:42

Whose name is on the tenancy?

If you are both on the tenancy or if it's in your name and you have been told by a solicitor (not simply the police) that you can't force him out, have your uncle evict both of you. Then he can turn around an re-rent the place to you in your sole name.

If you don't do something quick smart, your uncle will get fed up with the both of you and refuse to continue to let you live there. I know I would!

And TBH, I know you're probably worried about money, but I bet you'd be money ahead without him sponging on you.

Itsallpeachyfornow · 18/02/2019 16:46

Someone close to me was in a very similar situation and she also had a child and was pregnant.. one day he went to work, we got a locksmith to come change the locks, put his belongings outside and he couldn't do a damn thing about it. (I was also controlling and abusive)
Do this for your child and yourself because you will be better off in the long run believe me

Dragongirl10 · 18/02/2019 16:54

Op l am a Landlady...please listen....

He has no right to the property without a tenancy agreement, doesn't matter that he has paid the £300 rent.

You have a valid tenancy agreement ( ensure it is legally compliant, signed and witnessed by you and your uncle, both have a copy)

This is what you need to do and get organised for,

Get your uncles permission to install CCTV on the front and back of the property.

Have a locksmith ready and a builder or handy male friend with some plywood and tools.

find a way of getting him out of the house for a good few hours, a distance away.

Change all the locks, board up the front and back doors so he cannot break in.

Go and stay elsewhere for a week, somewhere he cannot find you.

Email him that he is not to return or you will call the police/let him know a time and place to collect his stuff,( not from you)

Check CCTV, if he does damage call the police and report him.

He should get the message.

TheJobNeverEnded · 18/02/2019 17:02

Listen to Dragon she is completely correct.

The tenancy is in your name he has no right to stay, none.

Get the locks changed. As an estate agent he must know what places are available to rent he can stay in a hotel/air B&B/on a mate's sofa. It is not your concern.

He is a bully and a selfish bastard at that.

Do you have any friends to help support you through this?

bullyingadvice2017 · 18/02/2019 17:03

He's taking the piss out of you god and proper. I earn similar to you and have two kids. I get a top up of universal credit and child benefit. With this I have about 1500... your situation minus him sounds like it could be similar.... without putting up with this shite! Promise you it's easier on your own with two kids than with a knobhead in tow!

BumbleBeee69 · 18/02/2019 17:03

Jesus OP get rid of this scum bag

BollocksToBrexit · 18/02/2019 17:07

OP I was in an abusive relationship and every time the police came out it was me and DD who were removed as they had no legal basis to remove him from the property. Then the tenancy was redone in just my name. The next time the police couldn't get him out fast enough and I never let him back in. It was the police who advised me to get the tenancy into just my name so that they could act.

So now you have a tenancy agreement in just your name and he no longer has any right to be there. Get him removed.

Twillow · 18/02/2019 17:11

Coke habit?

RandomMess · 18/02/2019 17:13

Lock him out again, he gets angry, call the police, he isn't on the tenancy they won't make you let him in. Sorted.

BrendasUmbrella · 18/02/2019 17:17

And once he's gone, file a claim for child support. That's the only way you'll get him to contribute to his dc's.

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 18/02/2019 17:17

This is why it's never a good idea when you're single and childfree to go out with some guy who has kids and is the NRP. You can pretty much guarantee he's a shitbag that's why his ex got rid of him.

Now he's got 4 kids!

He'll never change. He's financially abusive. You need to get rid of him and the police are wrong. He has no rights there.

HeavenlyEyes · 18/02/2019 17:19

You need to speak to Women's Aid too as well as get your CSA claim in now. They take months, literally months to get any cash, so you need to claim asap.

And obvs agree with above, change locks and get him out. One whiff of any trouble call the police. And if they give you duff info again you escalate it with them too to someone who understands and knows the law.

GreenTulips · 18/02/2019 17:21

Apply for hosusing benefit and anything else you are entitled to

Get all paperwork sorted

You can do this

MerdedeBrexit · 18/02/2019 17:22

Please take BollockstoBrexit's advice and call the police to get him out, now you have a tenancy agreement just in your name. Good luck with everything - you'll be able to do a lot better for yourself and your children once he's gone.

RandomMess · 18/02/2019 17:24

Single person on the council tax, you may well be better off! Especially once he forced to start paying maintenance for both your DC...

adiposegirl2 · 18/02/2019 17:26

Put the dick head drug addict out.

Call the police and say he beat you if you have to.

Claim universal credit- you will be better off

Aeroflotgirl · 18/02/2019 17:26

Change the locks and get an injunction and non molestation order against him. If he tries to break in call the Police, stand firm. Also Calle woman aid for help too.

AnotherEmma · 18/02/2019 17:27

Get him out. Get your uncle to change the locks (or do it yourself with uncle's permission). As his name isn't on the tenancy agreement, and he's not married to you, he has no legal right to live there. If he causes trouble then call the police.

Once he is out, set up child maintenance and claim benefits.

And maybe talk to women's aid and look up the Freedom Programme - it sounds as if you could do with some specialist support to separate from him and recover from his abuse.

Isleepinahedgefund · 18/02/2019 17:32

A tenancy is an implied contract, one was created here by virtue of rent being paid periodically. It’s a periodic tenancy, I expect he knows this because of his job. It’s not as simple as having a new tenancy agreement etc.

slipperywhensparticus · 18/02/2019 17:36

But she gives him money so it's not straight forward courts will take paper over implications any day uts more straightforward

Springwalk · 18/02/2019 17:40

The fact that he is taking drugs around your child is reason to get him out of your life. A drug habit is where his child’s mattress is... and why he is in debt.

Change the locks op.
Make sure you are supported by family members just in case ( or as dragon said board up the house and go elsewhere)
Leave his stuff outside

You are no longer responsible for him,
File for CM
You can do this op

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