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Original poster

How old is Too Old for you? Babies...

103 replies

Dextrodependant · 18/02/2019 14:36

Talking to my BF yesterday about whether we would ever have a baby together and I said that I wouldn't be having any more.
I have 3, can't afford any more, happy with what I have got, my career is progressing and I don't want to take time out, I like travelling now mine are that bit older. Would need a bigger house and car.

Then I said I feel I am too old for a baby now. Which he said is ridiculous and I might change my mind in a few years time. Especially as my eldest 2 go off to uni or work.

For what it is worth I am almost 33 and my children are 14, 11 & 7.

So how old is too old for you personally? I know people will have a huge range of opinions on this and I don't want to cause offense to anyone at all its such a personal decision. Just interested in what people think.

OP posts:

Skirmisher · 18/02/2019 20:58

Twins at 50?

Did she fall pregnant naturally?

KitKat1985 · 18/02/2019 20:59

I think than anything over early 40's is pushing it age-wise.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 18/02/2019 21:04

I felt too old having my last one at 31. I’m 38 now and so done it’s unreal. Too tired, too much going on, and too close to things being slightly easier.

SenoraSurf · 18/02/2019 21:04

@Skirmisher DH is 28 so they're ~17 years older than my parents. That makes a big difference at their respective ages.

SwedishEdith · 18/02/2019 21:04

I love that my mum and dad are 20 and 24 years older than me, respectively. We have a very close relationship and do everything together with my sister and her DP.

I actually find that a bit odd and claustrophobic but agree that's to do with personality not age. And it's what you're familiar with.

Echobelly · 18/02/2019 21:08

I made 35 my cut-off, not because it's 'too old' but more as I have a congenital joint problem that could mean developing arthritis in my 40s and I didn't want to have to be running after small kids with that. Had second and final child at 33 in the end. Now early 40s and no arthritis yet. TBH, if I'd met a partner later, I would have gone for it later regardless I expect.

I wasn't expecting to see 33 mooted as too old - I was think more 50+!

Skirmisher · 18/02/2019 21:11

DH is 28 so they're ~17 years older than my parents. That makes a big difference at their respective ages.

Nearly in the grave alright.

kaytee87 · 18/02/2019 21:13

I don't think I'd want to be having babies after 35.
For you I don't think it's an age thing as much as you've moved on from that stage of your life? In your situation I don't think I'd want more kids either.

tilly1989 · 18/02/2019 21:15

For me personally my cut off point for a second child was 30, I had decided that if I didn't have a second by the time I was 30 then I just wouldn't have one, got pregnant with second at 28 so my idea worked out

MadeForThis · 18/02/2019 21:22

I dont think it's anything do do with age. It's to do with how/when you can have your family. When you meet your partner etc.

Sounds like you have the family you want and can afford. Not many people would start again one they had got to your stage.

For some they are only meeting their partner at 33 and it's all ahead of them.

DinosApple · 18/02/2019 21:36

My personal cut-off was 30, but I was actually done by 28. DH's personal cut off was 50 (he's 18 years older).

Glad we stopped when we did, I can't imaging going back to the baby years now!

PetuniaPetunia · 18/02/2019 21:42

If can conceive naturally you aren't too old.

JemSynergy · 18/02/2019 21:49

My friend is 42 and pregnant. No cut off for me as I would still have more if I felt I wanted more but at 40 I don't think I will because I have an 11 and 9 year old and I would be starting all over again. I love newborns so much though and do get broody!

flowersaremyfave · 18/02/2019 21:54

I had my first child at 17 and by 20 I had my 3rd, divorced at 21 and I lived happily and content with being single with 3 kids and my job. Life was good,and I never dreamed I'd have anymore children. Then at 28 I met my now husband and we've been together 7 years and we have a 3rd child together on the way. I always said I would never have children past the age of 35. Not because I think it's old, it's just because I started so early.

GiantKitten · 18/02/2019 21:57

I had my 4th at 42 - he’s 25 now & has just, finally, left home. Having him around on & off for so long has been amazing for keeping us in touch with Stuff. (No grandchildren yet, but one on the way, to 33-yr-old DD)

My brother, otoh, now 69, had his youngest at 31. He & SIL have had a number of grandchildren around, for 12 years, & spend a lot of time with them, but they seem weirdly much older in outlook.

IMO having a baby when you’re older, although a different parent-child dynamic, actually keeps you younger

Original poster

Dextrodependant · 19/02/2019 09:58

So many views on this thanks everyone.

I am definitely done, not because of my age but just because I am done. need to have a proper chat and make sure DP knows how I feel so he can make his choice.

I wouldn't want him to waste years waiting for me to possibly change my mind and then it be too late for him.

OP posts:

spiderlight · 19/02/2019 10:02

I had my first at 35. My mum had me at nearly 47!

Asta19 · 19/02/2019 11:14

I had two by age 21. None after that. For me personally I would have considered anything past early 30's "old". I say that mainly because I'm 50 now and I would not want to have small children or teenagers at this age! I am so grateful mine are all grown up! I had an unplanned pregnancy at 38, but it was ectopic. Which although quite difficult, was a blessing. That child would be 11/12 now and yes I guess I would have coped but I'm glad I don't have to.

Skirmisher · 19/02/2019 11:16

I am definitely done, not because of my age but just because I am done

And that's all the reason you need.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 11:19

33 is definitely not too old but it’s whether you would want so much disruption in your life.

BertieBotts · 19/02/2019 11:22

It's not so much age for me but I also had my first young (like you, 19/20) and I don't want to have any more after 33/35ish because of that. Hopefully doing this my DC will all be independent by the time we are in our 50s/60s so we can enjoy life while we still have our health. I don't feel I got a "proper" youth so I value that hugely. I did have DC2 at 30 though and feel I might have one more in me.

If I'd started later then I wouldn't have any ideological problem having babies into my 40s.

Notso · 19/02/2019 12:27

Yes, an element of this is personsslity but they couldn't physically keep up with the types of trips we go on/ social things we do because of their age.

They are late 60's early 70's aren't they? Don't know what kind of holidays and activities your parents do obviously but between my parents and PIL who are all mid to late 60's they go skiing, surfing, sailing, coastal walking, mountain climbing, on zip lines and tree top rope climbs. In the last few years they've visited China, Iceland, Australia, Sweden to name a few.
They have far better social lives than me and DH as they don't need babysitters.
I can't see them changing drastically in the next couple of years.
As I said before I think it's a personality issue rather than age.
Let's hope your DC doesn't write you off one day.

3timeslucky · 19/02/2019 12:32

I had my third and final baby at 41 and that was it for me. There's no way under any circumstances that I'd have had another baby. But I had my first at your age - 33.

There's no question that you're not too old to have another baby. But you have been there and done that (3 times). So I completely understand you saying you're done. You can now do the things I did before I had kids. You're coming out the other end in terms of freedom and flexibility.

But the issue doesn't really seem to be about age. It is about you feeling done with having children (understandably) and your partner not having had that experience with you (and seemingly wanting it). That's a whole other discussion.

GiantKitten · 19/02/2019 15:37

Notso
Yes, an element of this is personsslity but they couldn't physically keep up with the types of trips we go on/ social things we do because of their age.
They are late 60s early 70s aren’t they?

Unless there’s a typo in SenoraSurf’s first post they’re late 50s-early 60s! And speaking as a late 60s person, although I couldn’t keep up with what you describe your parents/ILs doing, I’m still perfectly able to travel, go on long walks etc

Given good health, how people age seems to be down to personality & attitude.

notacooldad · 19/02/2019 15:41

My cut of was 34. Its not so much how old when the child was born but how old you would be by the time they were 18.
I didn't want to have a kid who was going to be just an adult as i was pushing 60. I wanted free time and disposable income, not thinking about driving lessons and uni!

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