How old is Too Old for you? Babies...

[Dextrodependant]

Talking to my BF yesterday about whether we would ever have a baby together and I said that I wouldn't be having any more.
I have 3, can't afford any more, happy with what I have got, my career is progressing and I don't want to take time out, I like travelling now mine are that bit older. Would need a bigger house and car.

Then I said I feel I am too old for a baby now. Which he said is ridiculous and I might change my mind in a few years time. Especially as my eldest 2 go off to uni or work.

For what it is worth I am almost 33 and my children are 14, 11 & 7.

So how old is too old for you personally? I know people will have a huge range of opinions on this and I don't want to cause offense to anyone at all its such a personal decision. Just interested in what people think.

I’d like to have my last child at no later than 41. Reasons are

1. My granny had her last child at 41
2. Knackeredness (we have #3 on the way now)
3. Risks attached of having babies older...I know the “rise” is minimal but it’s personal choice

I had mine at 38 and 41 and don’t feel too old. I’d love another one now at 46.

However, I don’t think I would have enjoyed having babies In my 20s and 30s and 40s. I quite enjoyed doing other things in my 20s and most of my 30s so I get what you mean.

No age limit for me.

I had my youngest when I was 32. I’m now almost 37 and the thought of having another at my age fills me with horror! To be fair, my dc are aged 17, 14, 11 and 4 and it was hard enough to go back to the baby stage when my youngest was born after a 7 year age gap. If I didn’t have older children I may think differently though admittedly.

Well.I had my first at 33 and 2nd at 36 so obviously not to old, but given that your children are all the ages they are now I can see why you wouldn't want to start again.

By the time I was 30 I felt too old to have more kids, two is certainly enough! Dh took a trip to the gp and solved the issue. Once you have been through nappies and toddlers and life has got easier it's hard to go back. I'm (probably) still not too old biologically speaking but mentally I'm ready for empty nest!

Maybe I should have worded it how do you know you are done or something, I really didn't mean to imply 33 was too old for everyone, just me in my circumstances.

We are only a few months into the relationship although we have been friends for years. He does want children, he is slightly older than me and has none, although was a step parent for a long time.

I have suggested perhaps we should cut our losses now and move on before we get attached. He thinks I might change my mind.

Mine are 15,17,19 and I was 29,31,32 when I had them. The way things worked out for me were very lucky as I was peri menopausal by 35 (runs in the family) and by the time I was 42 was almost certainly infertile. I still have an occasional period but 14 months since the last one. I don't think there'll be many more (I'm 48).

Have them while you can. I know too many people who have waited too long. I know I was lucky to meet my dh at 18 and get married at 24, but I'd really never advise anyone to hang about. If having dc is important to you, do it ASAP.

I'm 29 this year with one child and I will not be having any more children now.

This is because I had DS at 22 and his dad and I split soon after. DS is nearly 6 now and I don't want to be doing the baby stage again. I'm single so if I were to have another baby it would be a few years down the line at least, by which time DS will be a lot more independent.

I love DS and wouldn't change a thing about my life but I will be "free" (so to speak) in my 40s and after raising a young child for most of my youth I don't want to be doing it all over again at that age too.

If I hadn't split from my ex I might have had another but as things have turned out it's not on the cards.

Obviously if I hadn't had DS young I would probably feel different!

I have suggested perhaps we should cut our losses now and move on before we get attached

Sounds about right, @dextrodependent

As hard as it is it’s the kindest thing to do all round, I’m sorry

I think you're right, OP.

I had my last at 44. I’d have another if I could. I do have the occasional wobble that when she’s 16 I’ll be 60. Eek. But it is what it is and we wouldn’t be without her

I think the 'knowing' is different for everyone. I have friends who are often broody and had to make a choice based on circumstance even though it hurts (or keep having 'one last baby'), those who dithered back and forth unsurely for ages and don't feel strongly one way or the other, and then there are people like me who just one day it was like a click that never wavered. After the last prenatal appointment with my youngest, I told my spouse I was never doing that again and I've stuck to it and have never felt any desire for another pregnancy or baby since.

It reads to me like you sound happy and like you've 'clicked' and are only considering it because your partner wants a baby. I really would not go there even if I could (due to premature ovarian insufficency, it's not an option anymore even if I wanted to), but only you can decide. To me, as previous posters said, the gap would make me uncomfortable - I know some love it, but I'd rather not and my spouse who is 10-12 years younger than his siblings still has a lot of issues with it.

I don't think even if I could or had the desire that I personally would go beyond 34 due to how, in my and my spouse's family, for every person who made it 80+, we have 3-4 or more who died mid-sixties and younger, some in their 50s and 40s - most from supposed 'old age' diseases. I used to worry about the risks I'd taken in having mine too young (I had 4 kids before 27), but with how many people we've lost recently, the risks have been outweighed by the benefits of having more time with people, but then I was lucky to find someone like-minded all those years ago. It is a difficult choice for many.

he said he would rather have me than a baby but I think he is hoping I will change my mind. I am as certain as I can be that I won't. None of us can tell the future but it's not something I am planning if that makes sense.

Maybe if I won the lotto.

I don't think there's an upper limit, tbh - my DM was 38 and 42 when she had me and then my sister, so my norm growing up was with an older parent.

However, for me, it would be too old - if for no other reason that when I'm 42, my youngest will be 12 and our eldest (my DSS) will be 20. I don't want an age gap that large - in some ways we had children younger than I had intended to so that the gap wouldn't be too big between DSS and his siblings. Secondly, once I hit my forties I will be well out of the baby stage and don't really fancy committing another ten years to raising little children.

I wanted all my children before 30 and I had four by the age of 29. Not because I think 30 is too old, I just wanted to be done with pregnancy and babies, watch them grow and focus a little more on myself in my 30s and 40s.
If I hadn't have conceived my fourth when we did, I would have kept going into my 30s but I think my cut off point to say no more would around 38. My eldest will be 20 by the time I'm 40, so I don't think I'd be wanting a baby at that age.

You Never know what life will throw at you but in a perfect world I wouldn’t like to be going through the toddler/ baby stage still into my forties- I’m 32 now with 1 DD

I had a dc with new dh at 43. My youngest was 6. Not many people understood tbh.
Gave zero hoots about that!!

I agree with PP that it can be more about the age gaps between existing children and a potential baby, rather than how old you are. My DSis is 30 with a 10yo and 8yo and wouldn’t consider anymore children because the gap would be so big and she’s spent her 20s going through the baby/toddler years so wouldn’t want to go straight back to that for another x amount of years, but 30 isn’t actually ‘old’ at all to have a baby.

When you get the ‘am I bonkers to consider another baby thread’ it’s the ‘I have two teens and suddenly broody again’ ones that make me think yep totally bonkers regardless of the mother’s age.

I'm done, but my cut off age is 34. I had my first at 23. I have 3 beautiful kids and over ten years is plenty of time for procreating and reading babies for me. If I'd not met DH so young my answer would be completely different though.

I'm 36 and have a one yo and feel too old. It's not a number thing I just feel worn out picking up/getting up and down off the floor etc I had a really high energy and physical job so I'm shocked at how worn out I feel, my lo is big for age though so that won't help matters!

I'm early pg with my first at 40, DH is 45.
If it sticks we will be 41 and 46 at birth.

If we miscarry we will give it another try for a year or so but if we end up with this baby then unlikely to try for no.2 partly for financial but mostly for age reasons. We'll feel very lucky to have 1.

I think 50 for DH and 45 for me is the limit, but I might think differently if we've not been successful.