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Original poster

How old is Too Old for you? Babies...

103 replies

Dextrodependant · 18/02/2019 14:36

Talking to my BF yesterday about whether we would ever have a baby together and I said that I wouldn't be having any more.
I have 3, can't afford any more, happy with what I have got, my career is progressing and I don't want to take time out, I like travelling now mine are that bit older. Would need a bigger house and car.

Then I said I feel I am too old for a baby now. Which he said is ridiculous and I might change my mind in a few years time. Especially as my eldest 2 go off to uni or work.

For what it is worth I am almost 33 and my children are 14, 11 & 7.

So how old is too old for you personally? I know people will have a huge range of opinions on this and I don't want to cause offense to anyone at all its such a personal decision. Just interested in what people think.

OP posts:
Wenttoseainasieve · 18/02/2019 15:47

I understand your point of view OP. I wanted to be 'done' with having babies by 30, as it happened I was done by 28 and now I'm nearly 30 and very much enjoying finding myself again! I found pregnancy and early baby stages completely stole my identity.

Original poster
Dextrodependant · 18/02/2019 15:48

The age gap is a big thing, by the time we potentially got round to it in a few years there would be all the expense of a baby and childcare... then eldest 2 being at or about to go to uni. literally the two most expensive stages at the same time. It would be bonkers to even consider it surely.

OP posts:
soberfabulous · 18/02/2019 15:50

I was 37 when I had my first and only child. DH is 50 and wants more! Everyone is different..

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 18/02/2019 15:52

I'm nearly 39 and have one ds 5.I won't be having anymore.I had him at 33 which isn't old imo

GregoryPeckingDuck · 18/02/2019 15:55

I’m early twenties. Not too old but won’t be having anymore. I have some children, I really don’t need any more. Looking forward to not having any dependants in my forties and fifties. I’m not going to screw that up by having more children.

Original poster
Dextrodependant · 18/02/2019 15:59

There is such a wide range but the consensus seems to be that age isn't a factor but when you are done, you know it.

OP posts:
smokealarm · 18/02/2019 16:10

33? Old?? Hmm

I think it depends where you live as there's lots of regional differences. I live in a naice part of London and women are still having babies in their early-mid 40s here!

Notso · 18/02/2019 16:23

I love that my mum and dad are 20 and 24 years older than me, respectively. We have a very close relationship and do everything together with my sister and her DP. However, my DH (who is 28) parents are 31 and 35 years older than him. They're not dissimilar from my grandparents in terms of their interests and we generally do not engage with them in our social lives (excluding Christmas and other family events).

Surely that's just a personality thing rather than age.
DH's parents are 20 and 24 years older than him and mine are 24 years older than me. We love both sets of parents and see them often but have our own lives and family, neither of us has any interest in 'doing everything together'.
His two younger siblings are 30+ years younger than PIL and live in their pockets, daily visits, go on holiday with them etc. I'd find it stifling.

WhiteWashGails · 18/02/2019 16:27

I wanted to be a young mum and at 24 I miscarried. I got pregnant by surprise last year at 35 and do feel a bit old for a second but I only really wanted 1 anyway.

ChoudeBruxelles · 18/02/2019 16:27

Had ds at 31. Tried for til ds was nearly 5 for another then decided to stop as the age gap for me would have been too big.

MyBreadIsEggy · 18/02/2019 16:28

I’m 24 and pregnancy with my third. We already have a 2yo and a 3yo.
We knew we would have another baby, but didn’t exactly plan on it being this soon, but would have definitely wanted to be done with pregnancy and babies before 30.

Skirmisher · 18/02/2019 16:29

Yeah I don't really understand what would make you closer to a parent who was 25 when they had you compared to a parent who was 35 at the time of your birth. Confused

Parthenope · 18/02/2019 16:45

Look, OP, it sounds like you're looking for a rationale for putting the 'no more babies' position to your boyfriend -- there is no rationale. Either you want to have a child or you don't. And you don't, which is fine, but I think the suggestion that you move on now before you both get any more mutually attached is a good one, unless he can be brought to believe that you will not be changing your mind.

x2boys · 18/02/2019 16:55

It's all subjective isn't it ,I didn't meet did untill.I was 31and during my20,s I didn't really have a long term relationship certainly not one with someone I wanted to have children with, had I met dh ten years earlier we would probably have had children much earlier.

Hiddenaspie1973 · 18/02/2019 20:37

For me, 35.
Got to consider being menopausal and having teens simultaneously.
Plus I got tired more after 35. I'm 45 now, my dads ex had her last at 43. I couldn't imagine.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 18/02/2019 20:40

For me, over 40.

I live in an area where most first time Mums are over 30, probably average age around 33/34. So there are loads of people having babies in their early 40s (but not often the first baby). Mid 40s seems a bit old to me, sorry.

SenoraSurf · 18/02/2019 20:41

@Notso we are closer because our lives are more comparable. My parents are at the peak of their careers in their 40s, still going on holidays and most of their colleagues and friends have young children. My DH parents are retired, play golf/ bowls on the weekend, go to village meetings etc. They generally do a lot of old people stuff (the type of things my grandparents do). Yes, an element of this is personsslity but they couldn't physically keep up with the types of trips we go on/ social things we do because of their age.

wendz86 · 18/02/2019 20:43

I’m 32 and single with two children (3 & 7). I feel like if I don’t meet someone and have another by the time I’m 36 then I won’t have any more . I was 24 when I had my first so feel l need some time without small children .

Skirmisher · 18/02/2019 20:44

Yes, an element of this is personsslity but they couldn't physically keep up with the types of trips we go on/ social things we do because of their age

And you say they're a whole decade older than your parents? So by your logic your own parents will be decrepit in ten years time.

PaintBySticker · 18/02/2019 20:46

I was 40 when i had my youngest. Think I’m too old now at 43 but that’s me it might not be too old for someone else. None of this is Black & White

MissBPotter · 18/02/2019 20:47

Used to be 35 but now I am nearly 35 and youngest dd is 2 and I’m getting broody for a 3rd so maybe 37.... realistically I’ll probably not though so 32 when I had my ‘last’.

Willow1992 · 18/02/2019 20:51

Of course it's different if you are just starting at 33 and there are benefits to waiting until later, but as someone who also started early having children, the thought of still having them into my mid 30s seems too old for me. One of the benefits of having DC young is that you don't have to deal with the more exhausting aspects of younger children into your 40s!

Just make sure your partner knows you are completely serious about not having more so he has the option to leave if it is a deal breaker. I think it would be for me if I were in his shoes.

leigh39 · 18/02/2019 20:52

I have 4 oldest 25 22 19 15 and now 2 I'm 43 .. last one want planned got caught on the pill .. only have two youngest at home .. still have a career , family holidays and time alone (holidays ) was gutted when I first found out to be honest as my life was mine again so it wasn't a choice ... now he's here wouldn't change it for the world he's a breath of fresh air ... last baby to new partner who didn't have any of his own until now ....

On my own now like but that's another story

Still happySmile

bibbitybobbityyhat · 18/02/2019 20:55

I don't know a single person other than my mil and one cousin who had a baby before the age of 25. Before 30 is a rarity ime.

leigh39 · 18/02/2019 20:56

My sister is 50 in June and has 8 months old twins 8 year old , 22 and 27 .... shit happens u rather sink or swim , want it or
Don't want it each to there own