If a friend said she'd terminate a DS pregnancy and you disagreed, would you end the friendship?

[Asdfghh]

If a friend said she'd terminate a DS pregnancy and you disagreed, would you end the friendship?

No
I have been in the situation of supporting a close friend through a TFMR. I have a child with a genetic condition, but that would not change anything about the support I give a friend in a difficult situation.

At this stage, I would privately disagree and feel very sad but I’d put my own feelings aside and give my friend the support she needed and of course, continue the friendship.

If this is a hypothetical “WWYD if” between friends, it’s even more ridiculous to end the friendship over it.

My feelings might change if I myself had a child with DS and my friend made a point of telling me she would have or I should have aborted the child. Then I would probably distance myself in all honesty because I wouldn’t want somebody in my child’s life who felt that child shouldn’t have been born.

I work with many children and young people with DS and also have a good friend my age with DS so have pretty strong feelings about it.

If it’s a hypothetical situation then I’d take their opinion with a pinch of salt. It’s easy say what you’d do until you’re actually in a situation, if this is something she feels as need to discuss it may be something she’s worried about/working through so I’d be a good friend and listen.

If it’s a real situation I would want to support my friend through a deeply painful time and I’d bear in mind that even if I think I’d do something, I haven’t experienced it and I won’t judge. So I’d try and be a good friend and listen.

For context I believe that I wouldn’t terminate a ds pregnancy and I’m mostly pro-life.

And OP, if this is a slight reverse, and you are the one facing this pregnancy dilemma, you have my sympathies

Not you couldn't judge someone for that. She is the one who would have to live with raising a special needs child if she kept it.

No, this is a very personal choice. I think it would be completely heartless if someone ended a friendship over this.

I’d feel it was none of my business what she does within the bounds of the law, regarding her own body. It sounds like a difficult time, and losing a friend would only add to that difficulty.

No.
( but I’d abort too )

No. I wouldn’t h

If I had a child with DS and my friend went out of her way to tell me, unasked, that she’d abort if she had a DS pregnancy then yes I’d probably ditch her because that’s such an unkind thing to say.

Otherwise, no, definitely not.

No. Mind you, that is because I would also terminate a pregnancy due to DS, so no dilemma really.

When I first read your title I thought you meant she would terminate a boy foetus, and I would end a friendship over that, so it's not a question of respecting other people's choices tbh.

"It sounds like a difficult time, and losing a friend would only add to that difficulty"
@howdoyoukeepawaveuponthesand that's exactly how I feel but was starting to doubt myself. Glad to know I'm not crazy for being so bloody hurt by this. Thanks all.

My goddaughter has downs and I love her to bits. Her mum is dead against people terminating on that basis and while we agree when chatting together and playing with the child we love that terminating because of downs seems to us inconceivable, I support a woman's right to choose.

A woman has the right to terminate her pregnancy. She can do this for her own reasons but if she is not ready, if she feels that she is not in a position to care for a child with additional needs, including the risks to health involved (often heart related), then that is ok. It is her choice.

No never, it can be a scary time and she may well feel guilty enough, i would not add to that.

People are allowed their own options, i am sure there are many things i have/will do that people would not do themselves.

No of course not!!

Who could tell another person they are wrong for saying that. It's a personal choice. Having a child with additional needs who may never live independently is a massive life changing thing that can affect existing children, marriage, career, everything.

Asdfghh I’m so sorry if your friend has cut contact with you when you’re going through this

I’ve recently had a TFMR after a Down’s diagnosis. I’m acutely aware that people who enquire “what happened?” (and a surprising number do!) may be upset if I tell them why. In theory I shouldn’t have to share reasons, I suppose, but I feel uncomfortable/fraudulent when women go on to share their miscarriage stories with me and assume that I have experienced the same.

Sympathies, OP. It has been the worst experience of my life so far and I can’t imagine dealing with such a reaction from a close friend.

I was i a similar situation where a friend was debating TTC a 2nd child after a couple of miscarriages, she said she couldn’t have a disabled child. Meanwhile my disabled was playing upstairs. It stung, and I needed a moment.
BUT that’s because our situations are different. I needed a minute and I had some unkind thoughts. I’m passed it now. And the reality is every situation is unique and you can’t judge them with the same standards.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope you have real life support.

Absolutely not

No. However if it was for a condition which I or a relative or good friend lived with I can see how it might affect me negatively in an emotional sense.

When I had the blood test for Down, my friend basically preached at me about how she wasn’t going to have any testing because she’d have her baby regardless. Fast forward to her scan showing some Down markers and she was straight in for an amino. Complete U turn.

During my last pregnancy the blood test showed risk of Down, we went for the amnio and basically I broke down and couldnt go through with it, I felt too protective of my baby. Complete u turn by me too.

Basically, I think you can’t know how you would react in any given situation until it happens to you, so best not judge someone by what they say they will do.

And in the case of a woman’s pregnancy choices, best not judge at all, whatever their choices.

At first I thought you meant she was terminating based on sex of baby which I would be horrified by

In this instance though it wouldn't be my own decision, I would feel relieved it wasn't me faced with that choice and feel tremendous compassion.

I would see it as not my place to judge her and see her as someone in desperate need of a good friend a good cry and a handhold and really not someone who deserved either my judgement or that of strangers on the internet.

She clearly requires a friend and in this instance that clearly isn't you and though distancing yourself will hurt her it is more hurtful to have someone you believed you could turn to quietly judging you.

I say this as a disabled person with a Catholic upbringing

ValleyClouds RTFT and OPs update - it’s the friend that’s disowning OP who has found herself in this position.

In so sorry you are going through this OP. Your friend has no right to judge you for this and no decent friend ever would.

Wish you all the best