What are you/were you doing in your late 20s?

[Antifreeze]

I'm in my late 20s and frankly having a bit of a wobble. Things seem so much more dull and more serious than they did a few years ago. It's all mortgages, marriage and babies on the cards - I say this as a happily married person! The friends I used to go out with late into the night don't seem interested in it anymore and seem to have easily transitioned into this next phase of life. I look at people who are 21,22, and feel horribly envious of their carefree lifestyle and of the lifestyle I had at that age. Everyone my age just seems to do the same things, work, Netflix, gym, sleep, repeat. As silly as it sounds, I feel old and not much fun anymore and 'adult' life is really quite samey and tedious, even with hobbies and travel.

What are/were you doing in your late 20s? Perhaps I'm just immature and need to get on with it, but I keep wishing I could turn the clock back.

Thing is, late 20's for me was when the partying got replaced by marriage, so the party didn't really slow down much. However, the real shuddering halt came with two DC's in 2 years. That makes a real difference, and dominated the rest of our 30's. However, now at 45, DC's are getting more independent, and party lifestyle is re-starting. In another 5 years, they'll be gone / not my problem. So there's still hope, OP!

Had a nervous breakdown at 27 after a failed attempt to move to a major city where I knew no one. Spent a year recovering from that, on anti-depressants, lost all my friends, didn’t know what to do with my life, had to admit I was a human who had limited capabilities for the first time in my life.

28 I spent as a full time carer for an elderly relative who died not long before I turned 29. 29 I did some grieving then got back into some of the things I was passionate about, and I dated a bit before embarking on an MA, falling in love and getting my heart broken.

There’s no set pattern to how you need to spend your late 20s but do think about what you want long-term.

I’m 35 and wish I had invested more time in getting healthy, getting therapy and romantic relationships. I would have liked to have had babies by now and feel I really wasted 25-28ish on unachievable dreams and that I avoided building a good future for myself.

I didn't meet DH till I was nearly 29.
I was living in a houseshare in London. Partying a lot. Professional job. Paying off student loans. No real responsibilities.

We got married 18 months later. Moved to Oz for a bit. Ate out a lot. Went to the gym. Paid off loans.

By 32 back in UK. Mortgage. 1 Child. No more partying.

Still friends with the girls from the houseshare. Lucky if I see them once a year though.

I'm 29 and have two preschool children. I'm married and currently a SAHM. Have a mortgage. Most of my friends are married with mortgages, but they mostly haven't started haven't kids yet. I was early on that score!

I had my daughter at 27 and my son at 29. Bought a house just after the first child.
Now I work, complain about how tired I am, hardly go out and raise my kids. I only enjoy the last bit! No really I quite like this stage of my life in some ways- I love parenting and watching my children grown and Develop. I enjoy the challenges of my job although it feels a bit relentless and the thought of doing it for the next 30 years leaves me cold. I never really liked big nights out or lots of drinking so I'm happy with a less hectic social life although I wish I felt better rested rather than bogged down with life.

I'm considering an overseas adventure with my family as I can do my job in Asia. I need a change and to shake the feeling that this is my life forever more!

I met DH at 28, mostly my social life changed from dating, clubbing, to cosy nights in.

If you are bored with your life now though OP and you don't have DC yet, now is the time to make some changes.

DH and I were married a while before DC and once we had sorted our house, we had two FT incomes and went on lots of holidays, a combination of activity holidays, city breaks and sunshine holidays. We also made some new friends who were in same situation as us.

Please don't feel 'is this it?' when you are under 30 and no DC. Have a think as to what you want from your life, what changes do you want to make.

I remember feeling very left behind in my 20’s. All my friends were settling down with nice boyfriends who actually seemed to want to move in together. I stupidly stayed with a man who didn’t want to leave his mums because it was cheap and easy. I felt stuck living at my mums because I couldn’t afford to move out on my own and she kept telling me I wouldn’t be able to manage on my own. Looking back I can see it suited both of them to keep me where I was. We did travel for a year and I did do some courses but i feel like I wasted my youth. If I could go back I would have ditched bf and moved away. He kept saying he wanted to commit but not just now. inevitably I lost all the impetus for the relationship, I dumped him and went a bit crazy, out most nights, lots all my shyness and became obsessed with dancing! Being 30 was much more fun! I had zero confidence in my 20s I would love to go back into my lovely young body and take andvantage of everything working properly, all that time being convinced there was something wrong with me! It was some of the people around me that was the problem.

When I was late 20,s I had a mortgage and career and a good disposable income but I was single and lonely so.I agree with Pp the grass isn't always greener.

By my late 20s, I had got a degree, got professional qualification, bought an apartment, been on lots of holidays, been out with some crap men and some good ones, and moved to 3 different continents through work (which eventually led to me meeting my husband, doing a load more travelling moving etc, and having kids). In my 40s now and 20s seem a long time ago 😭

Heaps of variety here - many people had/have kids in their late 20s, own a house etc. I think in London it's more common to still be living in shared accommodation and not be 'settled down' at this age. I think what I'm struggling with is this sense that I should be 'settling down' and that if I don't get my career and finances sorted I'll fall behind. But ultimately that's pressure I'm putting on myself and I know I shouldn't be forcing myself into what the 'adult' lifestyle seems to look like for the majority.

I was flat sharing, still going out to the pub most nights and going to festivals in the summer.

My hormones didn't kick in until I was 30 then I started to want a baby etc. Settled down and had my first child at 34 didn't feel responsible enough to have one before then

Definitely go and live a bit more before settling down to the weekly drudge.

@DerelictWreck that life doesn’t have to stop if you don’t want it to. For sure lots of people get married and have children, but not everyone. There are plenty of women loving being Childless and still having freedom and money to enjoy life.

Probably not going drinking / dancing as much tho. That does seem to take longer to recover from at mid-thirties.

Heaps of variety here - many people had/have kids in their late 20s, own a house etc. I think in London it's more common to still be living in shared accommodation and not be 'settled down' at this age. I think what I'm struggling with is this sense that I should be 'settling down' and that if I don't get my career and finances sorted I'll fall behind. But ultimately that's pressure I'm putting on myself and I know I shouldn't be forcing myself into what the 'adult' lifestyle seems to look like for the majority

Anti, I'm actually really surprised at the number of people on here who say they were/are married, mortgaged and parents in their late twenties. I have a huge circle of friends from all over the world (we're now in our 40s) and the only one who was married with a child aged 27 or so now says she doesn't know what she was thinking, and she should have waited another five years -- another couple only got married for a visa. I'd met my now husband in my teens, but we didn't get married, and only had our son shortly before I turned 40.

Don't put any pressure on yourself. There's something terribly depressing about trying to conform to someone else's idea of what you're 'supposed' to be doing at a particular life stage, as if your life came with a strict timetable attached.

Maybe for some people it's very important to own property or have children before the age of 30, but my 28 year old self would have thought the idea was completely alien.

I'm late 20s and the happiest I've ever been. Which is a bit strange as I'm the only one out of my circle of best school friends to have a child.
I feel like I've got the best of both worlds, always have people who want to help with DS as no one else has babies/children and all my friends are still going out so I can join them as and when I please. I'm engaged but do t want to marry and I have a good job working for the family business.

What specifically are you unhappy with? :(

I think the most important thing is to keep hold of the fact it is difficult adjusting and coming through the years when you seem to have accumulated all the responsibilities but what I try to keep in mind is:

1. The responsibilities probably came with all those life goals you've been dreaming about and working for since you've been capable of independent thought
2. You could still be living the life you did when you were 18-21, but you might be feeling a little empty and worn out with it by now, and wondering what else there is to life
3. It does get better!

At 26/27 I was at a big turning point - I had worked since I was 18 in a professional career and couldn't see what my next step was - looking back I probably lacked confidence/experience for the more senior stage. I had done all the clubbing and was bored with it, and friends were all going through life changes too so was often lonely. I had a boyfriend on off for 4 years and it wasn't progressing and he was becoming more grumpy in his mid 30's so I was dissatisfied.

My solution was to go traveling and I met my husband, he moved here, Then i discovered a disease that would potentially make me infertile so had to move kids up the agenda. By the time I was 31 I had a husband and baby and life had changed so much. Yes it was hard and boring at times!
Life has since then carried on evolving and changing, and is pretty different now and better in most ways. I'm glad I did go through those difficult years, as I have the rewards now while I'm still young enough to enjoy them. Different challenges now, but I put a lot of effort into trying to be positive and see that you don't reach a "fixed point" and get stuck there (good or bad).

I look back on the diaries I kept at 26/27 and I can see all of that uncertainty, but with the benefit of hindsight and knowing it got better and I only really remember the good things. I try to remember that now when I'm having a wobble, and imagine a 60year old version of myself chuckling about how all the stuff I'm worried about now didn't really matter in the end, and saying "don't worry dear, it gets better"

In my late 20s I was young and carefree, enjoying life, earning money, travelling, partying and very happily settled in a long term relationship. We didn't do the house/marriage/kids thing till our mid 30s.

I'm mid 20s, married and pregnant with my 3rd (1st and 2nd are twins) I work full time and worry about money mainly. Desperate to buy a house but we live in a very expensive area..

In my late 20s I had numerous boyfriends on the go, in fact it was quite a logistical operation keeping up with them, working, partying, living with some lovely girls, drinking too much.

Partying, drinking sleeping around and having fun!

Living with long term boyfriend, renting a pretty cottage but starting to think about finally getting married and buying a house. Doing my dream job and living a great social life, a few amazing holidays and lots of weekends away because we had money to burn.

Married DH at 31 and quickly had a baby, bought a house them moved 3 times in 5 years. My 30s were much, much quieter and calmer and to be honest I was glad of the rest. I've much preferred being a parent to teenagers rather than young children. They will be off to university soon and DH and I are excited about the next stage of our life together and already making plans.

Living in London, owned my own flat - but more by luck than design, drinking, dancing but with a good job. Dating, but not seriously.

When I was 29 I wanted to do more sensible stuff - dinners out, museums and the like and so I joined a netball team, learned Spanish and joined up to a dating website. I met DH that year, then did the whole marriage & babies thing steadily after that.

Late 20's was raising my DD. Planning on going to Australia. Looking at 1st time homes. Working as a nurse.
Had loads of people who were up for drinking through the night & were a bad influence on me 🤣

I had a mortgage at 23 with my partner.
Child free.
3 holidays a year, including one alone, hiring a car And driving all over the islands.
Plenty of spare cash.
Lovely small pert boobs
Full set of teeth
Always out at the weekend (travelling, not drinking)
A job on the railways, great perks and pay (but boss was a bullying asshole so I had to leave🙄)
Life was easier and i could breathe.
However, 23 years on, I've settled into a quiet, stable life. I don't want drama. I like security and comfort, with the odd paraglide chucked in every couple of years.
Don't rush to have kids, your feet are stapled to the ground for at least a decade.

It sounds like you are doing going through the motions of what 'adults' are supposed to be doing, rather than actually doing what you want. It's time to reassess what you want your life to really look like. I've seen a lot of friends in the UK do this and end up bored with life as you have described.

Are you doing a job that you really enjoy and that fulfills you?
What are you doing at weekends, or are you simply just catching up on the week?
What do you save up all your money for?

At 24 I asked myself these questions and me and my now husband transformed our lives. We became self-employed (continued in same industries) and moved to a different country. We reassessed our lifestyle. We now spend our weekend skiing in the winter, sailing and on the beach in the summer. When we aren't doing this we're sitting on our balcony, taking day trips with our kids, having 4 hour long lunches with family in the sun. It feels like a holiday. It's felt like a holiday for 10 years. Neither of us earn mega bucks, we live in Spain but in quite a middle-class city, we live with all the luxuries (new cars, big apartment) so it's not having loads more money that makes it great. We just picked our priorities and re-centered our lives.

We don't own a house - but owning one wouldn't make us any happier
We had kids quite late - but when we'd had our fill of life
We aren't in fancy big jobs like our siblings and don't feel 'successful' - but we wouldn't change our quality of life for it

Raising 4 children